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I have been doing a lot of work on myself of late. One of the issues that has come to my awareness is the fact that, for the most part, I've been afraid all of my life. My constant low level state of vigilance has taken it's toll on me spiritually, mentally and physically. Be it Monarch history, family issues, aliens, or whatever, it's as if a big monster has been chasing me... But, now I've decided to sit down. To rest. Whatever the monster chooses to do is up to it. Whatever horrors have happened, are happening, or will happen, my choice now is to find peace within. To be with myself. Whatever lifepath and experiences I chose before, I now choose differently. I choose peace. I focus my mind and contemplate the things I am grateful for. Because I want to.
I do not know my "true purpose", what I'm meant to do, why I came here. I don't feel I need to know that today. But I believe that if I can stay centered and "with" myself, it's possible that all things in my best interest will happen by law of attraction. That thought feels good to me......
Anyone else want to share their thoughts about fear?
Margo
Margo...I loved your post. It really struck a cord with me.
You asked for us to share our thoughts on fear. Well, all the normal fears put aside, I recently discovered a fear in me that I never thought I had (actually I'm still not too sure about it, but I'm beginning to think I am right) - and that is the fear of success. I have been wanting to become a published author for over 20 years now. I have written and/or started about 4 books, but I always find ways to sabotage myself before anything gets done about them. At one point I even had an editor interested in one of my books, but I never got around to finishing that novel. Then 'life' got in my way for about 10 years, so that was an excuse not to write. And now recently, I became determined to accomplish my goal again and began writing. It's been slow, but I have been making myself plod on. Once again, I am almost halfway through my story, and the 'sabotage' thoughts pop up: I'm not good enough; I don't know enough to write; etc. etc. Well this time I began pushing those thoughts aside and what happens? First I manage to hurt my knuckle on my left hand and then the next day I somehow (stupidly) managed to cut my knuckle on my right hand with a scissors! But now that I know how my mind is working, I intend to try and sabotage the saboteur. It may be slow going, but I have finally decided that I deserve a chance at success and I intend to pursue it come hell or high water.
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Yes, Dreamtime, I can really relate! I went through similar sabotage issues when I created my CD's. I decided that no matter what, I was GOING to see it through. The hardest part was toward the end, when I was going to have a finished product. I was an absolute nervous wreck. What if it wasn't good enough? It was very scary and risky to put my whole self "out there." It's especially hard to do when who you are has been ridiculed, disregarded, discounted, and not understood for so long. If I had thought the whole thing thru, I probably would not have done it. I had never recorded before, so the task of writing, recording, playing and mixing down the songs was quite daunting. I took it one step at a time, and was blessed with the support of friends who believed in me when, at times, I didn't believe in myself.
All my sabotage issues were there, I just did it anyway. I support your creative journey as a writer. You can do it.
Margo
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My fear issues has been self-imposed of course.... meaning I *created* these fears out of my own mind and OWN doing, but here they are - - - - -> my fears stem from all the conspiracy info I read. For, I'd say the last 8 years or so, I've been on The Conspiracy Path... and while it's been VERY interesting and I believe I've gained a lot of *insight* into many things, it has also created several fears or *shakin'-in-my-boots* moments.
It all began with William Cooper's book Behold A Pale Horse, and from there I found myself reading David Icke's books, Stewart's books, Fritz Springmeier and Cisco Wheeler's books, abovetopsecret.com's forum, glp's forum, david icke's forum and a few other articles. I have about 6 other conspiracy forums that I have bookmarked that I haven't had the chance to get to................ but you know, all that doom and gloom, end-of-the-world, STAY AWAY FROM THE COASTS!!,,, THE BIG ONE IS COMING and soon all of us will be rounded up and put into "camps", well, it wears on my mind at times.
No, I don't believe everything I read. But sometimes I find myself head first into a vat of readings about what's going on under the Denver Airport, or the strange death of Philip Schneider, or Dulce underground bases, or Mothman, or Planet X... and so on and so on.... and on the GLP forum, I swear, every single day -- it's The End Of The World.
So what I've been trying to do lately, is balance what I consider to be interesting viewing and reading material with toned down fear reactions. :nod:
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I can very much understand what you're saying, Sily. All the conspiracy theory stuff can make a person feel quite powerless. For me, the good thing about it (if you can call it that!) is that when I became aware of what's really happening in the world, I actually felt validated. Some of the strange memories I had as a child finally made sense. I wasn't crazy. They DID happen. It took me quite a while to process what I was learning. Even though I do believe that I'm ultimately the creator of my experiences, I also honored whatever feelings I was having about my new awareness. (BIG anger, fear, frustration, resentment) I also know there are still things that my consciousness will not allow me to remember, but I choose to be gentle with myself about it.
I guess I'm at a point now, where I feel that being happy and calm is a much better way to focus my thoughts and intention. Yes, there are some pretty bad things going on, but I think the constant vigilance and fear I've had about it is just not in my best interest. Too much stress! I can't change the world, but I believe I can change how I deal with it. And that's enough for now.
Margo
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I wish you peace and happiness and calmness. icon_knuddel
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Hey guys,....errrr gals... (giggle)...Ive only read Margo's post and I agree with her 100% and am freaked out alittle because what she has just said is what I could of wrote. Im going thru the same feelings as what she said on her first post in this thread....... Im telling myself not to "chase" after life so much but to just relax into where Im at now........ My fears......I have a few! :?
Ok im gonna read the other post's here now.
:)
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I love that smiley. :nod:
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