06-28-2012, 01:37 PM
I am here because I started questioning "my" reality at a young age due to the most terrifying recurring dreams I had when I was 5-6 years old. In these dreams I was only consciousness but the only thing I was concious of was absolute evil which kept me immobilized and I could do nothing, not even form a single thought or opinion... Time and Space were non existent. Only after I woke up, did I feel the horror of where I was.. It was the most intense and paralyzing feeling.. as it you're just particle stuck in some eternal inferno.. After I woke up I did not date to sleep again and would stay up for as long as I could with the lights on..
I'm almost 33 and I've been in a K-hole about 10 years ago.. You feel like you've lost all sense of yourself but it was still a very positive experience for me.. I've smoked Salvia extract on 2 occasions and though I felt as if this reality was slowly being flushed down the toilet and I could do crap all about it, it was still nothing in comparison to those dreams.
These days I will have an odd dream here and there where you wake up but you're not really awake and you feel like your soul is being pulled out of your body, head is buzzing and but fear seems to win each time and I force myself awake.. perhaps due to memory of those childhood dreams..
Anyways.. Since approx high school I started to realize that we live in one backwards world and even though it's easy to blame human nature for it I believe there's a more sinister force at play here. Demiurge?
The more I think I know, the more questions I end up having..
Anyways, I stumbled across this forum and checked out a few posts and there seems to be a wealth of information here so I think I'll be sticking around... at least till the "end of days" :)
I'm almost 33 and I've been in a K-hole about 10 years ago.. You feel like you've lost all sense of yourself but it was still a very positive experience for me.. I've smoked Salvia extract on 2 occasions and though I felt as if this reality was slowly being flushed down the toilet and I could do crap all about it, it was still nothing in comparison to those dreams.
These days I will have an odd dream here and there where you wake up but you're not really awake and you feel like your soul is being pulled out of your body, head is buzzing and but fear seems to win each time and I force myself awake.. perhaps due to memory of those childhood dreams..
Anyways.. Since approx high school I started to realize that we live in one backwards world and even though it's easy to blame human nature for it I believe there's a more sinister force at play here. Demiurge?
The more I think I know, the more questions I end up having..
Anyways, I stumbled across this forum and checked out a few posts and there seems to be a wealth of information here so I think I'll be sticking around... at least till the "end of days" :)
It would probably take an entire lifetime to make it through these rare and amazing posts, but this link lets you know where I'm coming from (#76 on)...and don't forget to check out Purple Pebble's Dugpa thread!