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DT, I guess you won't find out until that time comes (hehe) but since you have been able to let your daughters go and have good relationships with them now, they are not feeling that underlying psychological pull that a parent can exert on a child. I think it is good that you brought the subject up with your daughter.
When people become old their personalities can really change. It's like the mind is reduced and becomes very narrow. They also may start taking energy from others because they no longer can produce much of their own and are weighted down by baggage from life. Old resentments can surface.
Karen, I have heard some parents say that their children owe them for the parents having brought them into the world. Ouch! There can be a sense of ownership involved like you said because the parents have produced a reflection of themselves and invested great amounts of time, energy and money into their offspring. To let that go must be a challenge.
This is the most daunting and exhausting situation I have ever been involved in!
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I would never expect anything from my children except love and respect. I just want to raise them to be the best they can be and allow them freedom to live their own lives. I just hope I instilled enough wisdom into them that they may do so effectively.
My father gave me a book when I got pregnant with my first son, its called "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran (sp). Its a book of poems and wisdom. One poem is about children and it says "Your children are not your children..." and goes on to explain how they are not mine but they belong to the Universe. Its a geat book and those words always stuck with me and gave me a foundation for raising them to be individuals and live a fulfiiling life for themselves.
Hopefully, if we needed anything and they could provide they would do so becasue we instilled a sense of empathy within them. Then again, I want them to reach out to all people they feel prompted to help, not just us.
I think I would help my parents and be there for them in anyway I could because I love them and they really did the best they could in raising me. Plus, thats what family is for, but I expect nothing in return.
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Andrea, I read 'The Prophet" in the 70's but would need to read it again. I know I liked it and read it often for a time. The best of luck to you in raising your children.
:-)
Andrew, your "thesis" reminded me that there are cultures in which children are looked at as family workers, taught to give everything back to the parents out of necessity. The parents will birth many children to increase the family work force. Also, there are cultures in which the children's spouses are chosen by the parents. You were describing less traditional situations concerning parental expectations but I had forgotten how much of a spectrum there is on this planet in how children are viewed.
Anyway, I sent my Dad a card today thanking him for not using his legacy or his parental status to keep tabs on me.
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It is clear to see that DT has achieved greatness in parenting because your skill as a parent really is not tested to ââ¬Ëextremeââ¬â¢ until they become little adults and go through adolescence, which I feel is the thread of time that pulls and pushes.
It is that hurdle that changes the relationship between child/parent, and after that if there is a mutual respect, then you can be assured trust will always be the glue to bond you forever.
Then there is the other challenge as the adult child, when you suddenly realize that your parents are getting older, I am currently at the very beginning of this transition, I donââ¬â¢t like it, and it is the parent once again that must lead, because the child just does not want to hear stuff, that is my view anyway.
Ahh shucks, AJ...thanks for the compliment, but I'm afraid that I leave much to be desired in the mothering department. I have to give credit where credit is due...to my girls. They are who they are today because of what they went through back when - if that makes any sense.
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I think you are just being modest DT, mothering and parenting is so difficult and I have never met a perfect one yet, but you have good relations with all your daughters, they love and respect you, so to me that alone deserves praise.
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Especially if a mother had financial, emotional turmoil, health problems, or had psychoactive issues that made her treated at the aslyums for extended times, she's a good mother if her children still cooperates with her when they become adults.
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Youââ¬â¢ve lost me GB, where did that come from?
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