Trust

[Astrojewels]

Trust

 

Trust is another word that intrigues me, it does not have one concrete meaning, much like the word confidence, trust is translated in many forms, but where does trust come from? I believe we are born with a natural essence of trust; but as we begin to grow more independently, we soon learn that many people can not be trusted, and our natural ability for trust then adjusts to a different energy.

 This energy then transforms from trust-betrayal-emotions-anger-hate, does this cycle happen because we are angry at self or at the person who betrayed us? I think that is the million dollar question. 

 We then begin a pattern where our trust is based on that incident, that betrayal remains in our minds, the pain, anger and humiliation associated with that event can remain in our hearts for our entire life, is that fair? Every interaction in daily life requires a degree of trust, from driving, buying food, your friends, work, family, etc, but it is a very independent choice on how you manifest trust.

 Most issues with trust are relationship based, perhaps the first love truly ripped you apart, so each new relationship, the mind targets that pain, and habitually the person can wrongly accuse the new love, and eventually drive them away, or drive them to secrecy due to the fear of accusation. 

 Once you become an adult, you are the receiver/giver of how trust is energized, you will always have an intuitive feeling when you meet someone or begin a project etc, it is necessary to never ignore that initial feeling, and sometimes you need the occurrence and not the associated relationship, therefore if that person turns out to be untrustworthy, you received the experience, perhaps knowledge, and you walk away with pain you can overcome. 

 Trust must be built, not earned, trust is not for sale nor should you sell yourself short! The foundation of trust is you, the inner spiritual force is where it begins, and if you have been hurt so much that you can not let it go, the bricks that are surrounding you are despair, disappointment, betrayal, emotions, self sacrificing, all feeding the victim consciousness and YOU choose to keep building. 

 To change the pattern, do not consider yourself a victim or someone that is destined to be tortured, because when you believe that as truth, you will attract those who are malicious and they will take advantage of you. Ask yourself “was that person so great that they made you complete”, “are you nothing without them”?

 To change the mind pattern of how you give and receive truth, is not focusing on what has been done to you, but focusing on what you will not allow this time after being a little wiser. The world is not a bed of roses, every rose has a thorn, but after awhile you soon realize how you can have the rose and not the prick! 

 

 So how do you evaluate trust, how important is it and how long does it take for you to know that certain persons can be trusted, or will you never trust?

[DreamTime]

Hmmm...I think I fail on the "trust" radar. I seem to trust everyone until they do me wrong. I have gotten into many messes because of my lack of this radar. Like I said before in the other thread, a doctor once told me that he had never met anyone so blindly trusting as me. So, is that a bad thing? I guess it depends on the situation, but I know it can cause a whole bunch of trouble. And the sad thing is, I don't know how to change it.

[leah]

It's not that I do or don't trust people, I just don't give many people the opportunity to be untrustworthy if that makes sense? I don't leave my bag unattended, I don't tell people anything they don't need to know etc I have become very closeted over the years, I wouldn't let someone into my apartments if they rang my buzzer saying they forgot their keys etc. I find people are too HELPFUL sometimes, but then I did have an ex stalk me so I am extra careful with everything!

[Astrojewels]

 

 

DT,

I do not think it is blindness, I know many people like you, and they also do not believe they can change, but I disagree, all of these words that have meaning to me in the last few months seem to follow a pattern of understanding, and trust is no different- the energy of each word is continually directed at ‘the expectations one might have’ and you will probably disagree, but I feel that many people that are like yourself just simply have higher expectations on others than they should, only to be let down.

 

Leah,

That makes complete sense, and I would not say that is being closeted, I would tend to say that is being vey logical in this modern world, especially about telling people what they do not need to know, it can make you vulnerable if you divulge too much information without really knowing the person.

 

[Mercy Now]

My feeling on trust expressed by Samuel Johnson.

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust."

 Integrity goes hand in hand with trust.

[DreamTime]

I like that MN...

[Mercy Now]

That being said DT there exists a spectrum of trust that ranges from blind faith  to paranoia.

Here is an article with a few definitions of trust :

 WHAT IS TRUST...by David Straker

Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.

We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort.

There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of trust and consequent definitions.

Predictability
It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.

The greatest unpredictability is at 50%; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.



Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future.

Value exchange
Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all businesses as well as simple relationships. At its simplest, it is exchange of goods. I will swap you two sheep for one cow. It is easy to calculate the value in such material bargaining. Things get more complex when less tangible forces come into play. A parent exchanges attention for love. A company exchanges not only pay but good working conditions for the intellectual and manual efforts of its workforce.

Value exchange works because we each value things differently. If I have a whole flock of sheep but no milk, then I can do business with a person who has a herd of cows but no clothes. This principle of reciprocity is what binds societies together.

Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, don’t want to be sold a ringer which the seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not wild opinions.



Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.

Delayed reciprocity
Exchange is not just about an immediate swapping of cows and sheep or hugs and kisses. What makes companies and societies really work is that something is given now, but the return is paid back some time in the future. The advantage of this is that we can create a more flexible environment, where you can get what you need when you need it, rather than having to save up for it.

Trust now becomes particularly important, because otherwise we are giving something for nothing. The delay we have placed in the reciprocal arrangement adds a high level of uncertainty which we need to mitigate through trust.

What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It sets up the dynamic for my giving you something now with the hope of getting back some unspecified thing in the indeterminate future.



Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future.

Exposed vulnerabilities
When we trust other people, we may not only be giving them something in hope of getting something else back in the future, we may also be exposing ourselves in a way that they can take advantage of our vulnerabilities. If I buy a car from you and I do not know a good price, you can lie to me so you get a better bargain. If I tell you in confidence about the problems I am having with work, you could use this to further your own career at my expense.

Although the threat of retribution or projected feelings of guilt can counteract your temptation to abuse my exposed vulnerabilities, if you succumb I still get hurt and may still end up with the shorter stick. For our transaction to complete successfully, I must be able to trust that such agonies will not come to pass.



Definition 4: Trust means enabling other people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities—but expecting that they will not do this. 
 

This discussion reminded me of an old song by some of my favorite artists. Vince Gill is on mandolin. A  genuinely decent person. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdc_sGSco...re=related

[Mercy Now]

I think by nature everyone has a "blind spot" .

[Astrojewels]

I like the article MN,

I think its better than mine.

 



I like the predictability section, and trust is energy of exchange, and I do truly believe it does come down to the expectations that you have of others that creates disappointment, but the most important thing is how you evaluate what happened.

My mother taught me a very valuable lesson from a young age, and to cut a long story short, she taught me to never depend on anyone for things you can do yourself, because personally my father was the first person that I truly trusted who betrayed me, because he literally let us starve, yet as a grown woman, I have no issues with my father, no resentment, I am actually thankful that the whole ‘hard life’, as it allowed me to be a very independent person financially, spiritually and mentally.  

Yes we all have a blind spot, but even then it is important to always look at the why you had to experience it, and not the pain of being hurt or betrayed, maybe its just my crazy mind, but it is the only way I do not carry burdens of pain!

[Mercy Now]

I don't think it's your"crazy mind " at all. it's called evolving in my view as opposed to revolving.

I'd come across the article on my study of predators and your piece reminded me of it.