04-20-2007, 04:01 AM
Just to be clear this is a controlling person not a controller. I didn't realize how misleading that title would be in this forum until I had posted. Don't want any misunderstandings.
I tried a visualization to try and see why I have such difficulty letting this person into my life again. I feel so badly over it. They say they have such love for me and are so hurt over us not having contact.
Whenever I am around this person I get a tight, choking sensation in my throat area and also feel a strange uneasy, restlessness in my solar plexius area and every fiber of my being just screams "Get away from this person!" I do not know why I feel or act like I do around this person and I am trying to understand it better so I tried some mental visualizations.
I pictured myself walking along the beach and I had a basket and asked my OS to place things into it that would give me clues as to why I fear this person so much. Instantly a phallic/power symbol was placed there, grass clippings and a seahorse.
Then the beach and sky turned red with black swirls and the words "Do not go further, it is not safe for you." came to me as thoughts. The red and black was very startling to me when it happened.
I continued on and then I saw this person trapped in the red haze but we were in a cell of some sort, this person seemed in a trance. They almost seemed to be crazed or crying in pain. They could not see me but I could see them. Then I could go no further so I took a violet hatchet and broke through the red cell back to the red/black beach. There then was some very crackling lightening. I used the hatchet to break through the red sky but then it was just black with nothing more to see.
I have not been able to pull anything else up since. I have never been able to pull anything about this up with the green spiral staircase or mirror type exercise.
The only thing I can get out of this is ...well obviously the phallic symbol, grass clippings: Past events? I am clueless about seahorse except that I already knew this person is a male bi-sexual with a preference for men. I wonder if that is what the seahorse meant or if it is something entirely different.
I have not done much of this sort of work in a very long time. I am trying to get back into it. It is hard because I am often sick and exhausted.
I tried a visualization to try and see why I have such difficulty letting this person into my life again. I feel so badly over it. They say they have such love for me and are so hurt over us not having contact.
Whenever I am around this person I get a tight, choking sensation in my throat area and also feel a strange uneasy, restlessness in my solar plexius area and every fiber of my being just screams "Get away from this person!" I do not know why I feel or act like I do around this person and I am trying to understand it better so I tried some mental visualizations.
I pictured myself walking along the beach and I had a basket and asked my OS to place things into it that would give me clues as to why I fear this person so much. Instantly a phallic/power symbol was placed there, grass clippings and a seahorse.
Then the beach and sky turned red with black swirls and the words "Do not go further, it is not safe for you." came to me as thoughts. The red and black was very startling to me when it happened.
I continued on and then I saw this person trapped in the red haze but we were in a cell of some sort, this person seemed in a trance. They almost seemed to be crazed or crying in pain. They could not see me but I could see them. Then I could go no further so I took a violet hatchet and broke through the red cell back to the red/black beach. There then was some very crackling lightening. I used the hatchet to break through the red sky but then it was just black with nothing more to see.
I have not been able to pull anything else up since. I have never been able to pull anything about this up with the green spiral staircase or mirror type exercise.
The only thing I can get out of this is ...well obviously the phallic symbol, grass clippings: Past events? I am clueless about seahorse except that I already knew this person is a male bi-sexual with a preference for men. I wonder if that is what the seahorse meant or if it is something entirely different.
I have not done much of this sort of work in a very long time. I am trying to get back into it. It is hard because I am often sick and exhausted.