scared and excited

[spottedowl]

I really don't know what to say here.  I didn't read the other intros so I could go where my thoughts lead me.  I came to this group because I have been searching for what seems like forever to find out why I am always unnerved.  Why I am interested in knowing things that are below the surface politically and spiritually.  Now I have stopped being as complacent with "trying" to just want to be what everyone else was and I just want to be me. 

[DreamTime]

Hello spottedowl!

Welcome to the forum. Glad to have you aboard. Hope you enjoy your time here.

[Zodd42]

Good to have you here!
Sounds to me like you're headed in the right direction. I will help in whatever way I can.

Could you elaborate on what you mean by feeling unnerved?

[Richard]

Hello spottedowl,

It sounds like you’re like a lot of others here that are searching for the truth. You have full access now and I hope you find what you’re looking for. :)

[spottedowl]

Thank you for your welcoming words. Well by unnerved I mean anxious all most every second. For years I tried to ignore everything by throwing myself into relationships got fed up and decided to accept that the prevalent reality is not real and by trying to ignore it was hurting me. I had violent panic attacks like once every 2 weeks. When I finally got some mental freedom from those who were and by some measures still are I set search for truth. I was raised on talk radio and C-SPAN and independent films like "NO GRAPES" That was something I ran away from when I went to college but I know get it. That's where the fear comes out. The more I know the more I drink because I feel powerless and doomed. I can literally feel the pain in the world that is here and that is coming. And I don't understand any of it.

[Zodd42]

I'm sorry for your pain, SpottedOwl. I hope you can heal and grow with us all here. That knowledge you have doesn't have to cripple you, you can use it as a source of strength. You are powerful whether you feel it or not.

[Astrojewels]

Spottedowl,

Welcome to the forum and a very deep introduction, I could only say you are suffering from the intensity of your sign, is Pisces your real sign? If so, You are feeling the energy from all that surrounds you, and perhaps in need of some experience with stopping that mutable quality that so often accompanies the little fish.. Knowledge is power, and power requires a certain responsibility, yet the more knowledge that you seek and receive, the less we tend to understand the consequences of that in which we seek.

 

Interesting name, any reason for the choice?

[William]

Welcome. Your very brave to step up and say how your feeling.

Take your time here. :)

[spottedowl]

I am a true Pisces. The name came out of nowhere really. I really wanted to choose inara ( from firefly) but that's not who I amany more I have grown into something illusive and strong an beautiful in it's own way. I am understanding now that it's not relivant if I am the only one around me that somewhat like me. I can find others stretch my wings. Hence the endangered and surviving and beautifully unique spotted owl