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I realize that I may get alot of flack for this but here goes.
This is in no way an attempt to minimize or dismiss your anger and pain DT or anyone else's but it is my understanding, from what you've stated, that your experiences are not that unusual . I know that's a very sad statement about the human race.
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I agree with MN and my intention is also not to hurt either DT or Karen, and if either does not want to discuss further, that is totally your business. However, your childhood is not your adulthood, your future is not your past, and as a child we do not have control over others cruel behavior, do either of you allow people to call you names now? And as a grown woman, you pay for your own hairstyle.
I could also write a book about my childhood, but if we hold on to what was, we can not move on to what will be or rather allowing ourselves some kind of life.
I understand it is hard to trust when you have been let down, and the first stages of changes that mind pattern is not to put so much trust in another person, put the trust in self in order to not have to deal with being let down, as a child there is no choice but to depend on a person/parent/peer that is unreliable, but when this reflects into adulthood it is about your individual persona, you become dependent on being let down because you know no other way, but there is.
Trust must begin with you, and to change the pattern of attracting people that either can not be trusted or will eventually let you down, but most importantly not depend on others so much, because sometimes we expect too much of others or our expectations are unrealistic, and lastly how reliable are you, can people depend on you, can you give what you want to receive, that is also an important question. Sorry for the rantââ¬Â¦.
I'm not hurt by any of your comments, and besides, it is all in the past. I was just stating what happened because MN asked. They are just memories now, not bad nor good, they just are. I have learned from other things that happened, that there is nothing I can do to change the past (at least that I am aware of), so I just forgive, forget, and go on.
You ask, AJ, do I allow people (as an adult) to call me names? Well, unfortunately, I have. That was part of my adult mistakes that I made after my mom died, my divorce and the resulting downward spiral into a hell of my own making.
A shrink once told me that he had never met a more blindly trusting person as me in his whole life. So what does that say about me? I have said before that I do not "hate," even people who truly deserve some hate. I forgive and move on. Hating does not change things, nor does it make anything better, so why should I spend energy on it? I guess I only really hated myself, for getting into the situations that I had gotten into. Truly, I am surprised that I am still alive. Richard is surprised that I still have anything to do with men. LOL
It's only been in the last few years that I have begun to learn to like myself. I am working on loving myself, but that seems kind of conceited to me. LOL
As for the reliability...well I am VERY reliable. People know they can count on me, even if it means I give up my own "self" for them. I guess the next thing I need to work on is saying "no" when I don't want to do something. THAT is a bit harder for me.
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Yes Karen, I have belonged to writing groups and critique groups for many years. Yes, I have let people read my work and (mostly) the critiques were very good. But still, in my mind, these people are not "professionals." The ones who would end up buying my stuff, so then I discount these wonderful people again. It is all in my head. I tend to sabotage everything I do. A major sign of low self-confidence, yes? Just can't seem to help it...
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This week in my clay class, one of the woman was saying she didn't think her work was good. So, the discussion turned into the topic of judging self. Often, we don't have confidence because we become our own critic, hence, we think we don't have ability or skills. Even persons with great skill can lack confidence and become very critical of self. Much of the conditioned negative feedback we tell ourselves is really the self-imposed response from hearing others tell us we are not good enough, often beginning in childhood.
This topic is a good soul searcher. As a child I had tremendous confidence in being able to be the best at anything I wanted to do. Where I had no confidence was in my ability to form bonds with my mother. Much of my drive as a child was an effort to gain my mother's love. Once I reached a stage in adulthood where it became clear to me there was nothing I could do to gain the love she wasn't capable of giving, I stopped trying to prove myself and began to give myself the love I tried to get from an external source.
It isn't what others think, it's what we think that makes a difference.
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Very nicely put beyondinfinity.
I think too that people, in modern society at least, compare and indeed strive to model themselves to what the media portrays as ideal.
Clay class sounds like fun.
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Ah yes, wise words beyondinfinity, the first step to overcoming many issues is simply the expectations that you may have on that person, and putting it in the reality box!
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