07-25-2006, 02:13 PM
Hi All,
Here is what is on my mind for anyone who is interested. I am putting this post here to start and if it evolves into anything that may be useful for others perhaps it can be moved to another forum. That is up to all of you.
I wrote in my intro that the reason I joined is because I am interested in finding out how people who were programmed are honestly doing and if anyone feels they have made progress. Monica mentioned:
"A lot has changed, but then some things seem to stay the same in deep repetitive cycles, while the emotional and mental patterns go into upheaval with all that is shifting in the global consciousness."
I'd have to agree with her assessment. I think the repetitive cycles are mostly astrologically induced even if artificially altered thereafter. It's that syzygy which stirs things up.
Last week I followed a tag word (dreams) in my weblog stats and one of the links went to a weblog written by a woman with DID. That was one of her categories. I did not read much of what she had written but I was struck by her description of having to check her computer every day to find out if one of her personalities had been writing the night before. She wrote of having lots of missing time. I thought to myself, "Oh, Lord." Then I thought, "Well, at least she knows she has missing time." Likely there was a time when she did not.
Once again the question came to mind -- How are people really doing who have been actively deprogramming for a while no matter what method or methods they are using? Is there a sense of having made progress or is there always a feeling of going around in circles, or maybe both depending on where one's mind is at on any given day?
I will answer my own question. Deep, lasting change takes time, can seem very slow and frustrating yet if it comes too fast insanity can be a very serious result. I was on that borderline many times because I felt my subconscious mind was blown wide open too fast. I took a plunge and that was the result. I still have what I will call side effects from the programming and I feel they may last for a very long time still. In other words I try not to set myself up for unrealistic expectations now. (Maybe that has something to do with being older and turning 50 in March -- gasp!) If I experience a time with rapid change I always wait to see if and how those changes hold. At this point it has been five years since I first started to deprogram and I want to give it another five years. I'd have to say I have made overall progress.
In the meantime, I don't like thinking like a programmed person. I become irritated with myself when I start to interpret everything through the eyes of a cult alter. Cult alters are loyal to the cult, exist only for the cult and everything they see is through the eyes of the cult. There is no room for starting to see things differently. Everything is turned towards the cult and stemming from the cult so that the cult becomes all, everything and the only thing. It's like the cult becomes the Source of all and nothing else has validity. That's how deep that kind of programming goes. The cult alter knows nothing else. That kind of self-talk continues to crystalize the programming in my opinion and that is only my opinion. So many of the cosmic energy streams people receive are diverted into those cult alters.
Where as so many thought processes were subconscious or mostly subconscious and under complete control, they are now conscious and I can teach myself to change their orientation. It's not easy but I'd rather do it than not. Since so many questions are not definitively answerable I have to give myself some kind of direction.
I could go on but I will stop this here for now. Does anyone have any input? I would be grateful. :)
Polly
Here is what is on my mind for anyone who is interested. I am putting this post here to start and if it evolves into anything that may be useful for others perhaps it can be moved to another forum. That is up to all of you.
I wrote in my intro that the reason I joined is because I am interested in finding out how people who were programmed are honestly doing and if anyone feels they have made progress. Monica mentioned:
"A lot has changed, but then some things seem to stay the same in deep repetitive cycles, while the emotional and mental patterns go into upheaval with all that is shifting in the global consciousness."
I'd have to agree with her assessment. I think the repetitive cycles are mostly astrologically induced even if artificially altered thereafter. It's that syzygy which stirs things up.
Last week I followed a tag word (dreams) in my weblog stats and one of the links went to a weblog written by a woman with DID. That was one of her categories. I did not read much of what she had written but I was struck by her description of having to check her computer every day to find out if one of her personalities had been writing the night before. She wrote of having lots of missing time. I thought to myself, "Oh, Lord." Then I thought, "Well, at least she knows she has missing time." Likely there was a time when she did not.
Once again the question came to mind -- How are people really doing who have been actively deprogramming for a while no matter what method or methods they are using? Is there a sense of having made progress or is there always a feeling of going around in circles, or maybe both depending on where one's mind is at on any given day?
I will answer my own question. Deep, lasting change takes time, can seem very slow and frustrating yet if it comes too fast insanity can be a very serious result. I was on that borderline many times because I felt my subconscious mind was blown wide open too fast. I took a plunge and that was the result. I still have what I will call side effects from the programming and I feel they may last for a very long time still. In other words I try not to set myself up for unrealistic expectations now. (Maybe that has something to do with being older and turning 50 in March -- gasp!) If I experience a time with rapid change I always wait to see if and how those changes hold. At this point it has been five years since I first started to deprogram and I want to give it another five years. I'd have to say I have made overall progress.
In the meantime, I don't like thinking like a programmed person. I become irritated with myself when I start to interpret everything through the eyes of a cult alter. Cult alters are loyal to the cult, exist only for the cult and everything they see is through the eyes of the cult. There is no room for starting to see things differently. Everything is turned towards the cult and stemming from the cult so that the cult becomes all, everything and the only thing. It's like the cult becomes the Source of all and nothing else has validity. That's how deep that kind of programming goes. The cult alter knows nothing else. That kind of self-talk continues to crystalize the programming in my opinion and that is only my opinion. So many of the cosmic energy streams people receive are diverted into those cult alters.
Where as so many thought processes were subconscious or mostly subconscious and under complete control, they are now conscious and I can teach myself to change their orientation. It's not easy but I'd rather do it than not. Since so many questions are not definitively answerable I have to give myself some kind of direction.
I could go on but I will stop this here for now. Does anyone have any input? I would be grateful. :)
Polly
