Help with a friend

[Zodd42]

You're absolutely right, Moon Child. 'Why?' indeed.
I like your 'matter of fact' style. I may tap into some of that (in myself) when I resolve this matter.

As for Blue Moon's question:  Yes.  I definitely think it is a sign.  I think you may be right about him sending her to me for money as well.  At some point she handed over the steering wheel of her life to him, and right now he is driving them both off a cliff.  He may be smart enough to bail out before it goes over, but she is buckled in and isn't going anywhere.



I'll post what happens in about 2 days.

[Pallas]

Hi, Zodd - I'm wondering what you decided to do. In the event you haven't made a decision, here are a couple of practical suggestions that would allow you to be supportive without allowing her free reign with your funds:

- send her a gift card for a national/regional grocery store chain so you know she has money dedicated to purchasing food.
- offer to help out with her rent by sending funds directly to her landlord.

As so many others here have observed, some people don't learn from their mistakes if they are shielded from the consequences of their decisions. Your friend may have to "bottom out" before she turns her life around.

[Zodd42]

Sorry everyone! I discussed with her about my reasons for not sending any money. Basically I told her she wasn't running her life, her boyfriend was. I told her that it would only get worse as long as he was calling the shots, and any money in any form would be used for his purposes and not hers. I was happy to have the weight off of my chest, and she seemed to begrudgingly understand my position.

Today she called and told me that she got into "a sticky situation." He was "teaching her to drive" and she incurred a speeding ticket, as well as a fine for driving without insurance, and driving without a license. She wanted me to pay some $200+ in fines. I reminded her of my position, but she refuses to listen. She will most likely bottom out before she understands. I have done a lot of release work, and it has helped very much. I hope she will make a change, but the responsibility relies with her.

Thank you for the suggestions Pallas. I will keep them in mind should she decide to make a change and still need help financially. I can't send anything to her until her boyfriend is out of the picture, and she is making her own decisions.

[Astrojewels]

Glad that you made a decision Zodd42, it must have been hard to be so direct.  

[Zodd42]

Yes it was very hard. I gathered some courage through the support of this forum, and it seemed easier than I expected.

I am still bummed that she doesn't want to change, even though she can see the consequences of her choices.

[MC]

Zodd,she keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over again.I know she's your friend,but what is the point of having anything to do with her,when she just can't seem to understand what her mistakes are.She is only out to use you.
You told her and then she came right back to you asking for money for another problem that was created.

[BlueMoon]

I would find it difficult also Zodd. I think I would just stop answering her phone calls so she couldn't lay guilt on me and get on with my life.

Easier said than done I know but what you are doing wouldn't work for me. Sounds like she still has control over you and is taking your power,. You are the only one who knows the whole situation. I hope you do whats best for you.

[Menkaure]

Zodd42.... What ever you can come up with Spiritually, psychically, or just plain magic, nothing will change the fact that you will be enabling her/him if you send her a cent. You will reach a point where you have to be practical, and that point is now.
I feel I'm quite a bit older than you and I'll tell you, in my lifetime I have met and lived with many freeloaders and I can tell you from years of experience that all freeloaders are the same. They will tell you anything, ANYTHING, to further their purposes. (A guilt trip is always on the top of the list of 'tools' they use.) This guy she is hanging with is such a classic freeloader that he should be on tv. He has this girl under his thumb and is bringing her down to his level. (Misery loves company)
The best thing you can do for her and yourself is not send a cent, don't answer her calls and get away! If enough people in her life do this, sooner or later she MIGHT see the light and bail on this bum. If you DO send her money, or someone else, this just enables and strengthens the freeloader mentality. He/she/they will wring you dry of everything they can get and move on the next sucker when you are spent. Believe me, I know. 12 years of my life and about $100,000 worth of experience.
These other posts talk about feelings and such but you have to be practical. You will LOOSE if you send her a cent.
One other thing I might point out. One of the 'steps' a freeloader takes is, when you (or anybody) denies a freeloader, they will turn to outright theft. They know where you live and I'm assuming they know your habits too. I would watch very carefully for a 'midnight loan'.
Now, I know I'm going to be tagged as a cynic and I don't care. This is the best advice I can give you.
Get out while the getting is good.

Menkaure

[Zodd42]

Thanks Menkaure.

I agree with the not sending a cent part, and I'm not returning her calls at the moment. As far as theft... I am 1,000 miles away in New York! They'd have to be very slippery to get at my cash from this far away. I've had my share of freeloaders, so I know what I'm up against. I guess I was just focused on what could be instead of honestly looking at what is. Part of me still hopes she will change, but it is a dim possibility at this point. However, I do not intend to let her or anyone use my kindness against me.

[Astrojewels]

Zodd42,

All that matters is you are content with your decision or you will only keep attracting ‘like minded’ energy. This is a good opportunity to look at your own mind pattern and the magnetism that you generate, because the problem is now solved, yet the real question remains, “why were you in such a situation”?

You may consider it a weakness to your kindness, or on the advice of menkaure and to be more practical with less feelings, all of life’s situations and challenges basically is the energy that we project.