I'm writing an autobiography....anyone wants excerpts?

[haven]

Lion,
thank you for sharing this.  I look forward to more.  You are doing a great job communicating how surreal these events are.  It gives me courage :nod:

[Lion]

*Skipped many chapters*....

I feel there is hope to the world.  I feel that something is going to happen to force the unification of the planet, to remove the negative components out of every aspect of life, unite the world to save the world to put differences aside and fight as the human race, insane minds will be fixed with or without the use of medication, but may be better for governments without medication, due to having to fork out money to treat these people through benefits schemes.  Hypnosis is dangerous, medication removes the symptoms but don’t fix the cause.  There has to be a better way, scientologists believe they have the answer, I personally do not think that, I think they may be heading in the right direction, but I think there is more to it than that.  It has to be done on a level that anyone can do it without the feeling of persecution.  I don’t like talking negatively about religion, I do believe in the right to choose whatever you want to believe in, I just disagree on basing faith and hope that your own salvation will occur when you die, and that Armageddon has to happen for judgment day to occur.  If god is really here to judge you, god will do it in its own time.  Destruction of the human race should not and cannot happen.  The human race must survive!
 
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had enough experiences in life which make me believe God exists, and when things went wrong, it wasn’t because God wasn’t there for me, it was because I needed to learn a lesson, and the lessons got harder and harder if I did not learn them the first time round.  I believe in God although I don’t believe God has a religion.  I believe everyone is here right at this moment in time to experience a level of existence that could mold the entire level of the human race!  It is a crucial point in human history, the world overcame WWI it overcame WWII, and the next step is to overcome the next obstacle, and that is to prevent the destruction of mankind!
 
I was thinking recently, about a situation, there are a group of people sitting around a table inside a house.  There is an electrician, a plumber, a conspiracy theorist, a Christian, a Muslim, a psychotic, a depressive, and a child.
 
There is a bang, and the light globe cuts out.  No electricity.
 
The electrician says “Must be a wiring problem”
The plumber says “Could be a burst water main, water may have got into the power main”
Conspiracy Theorist says “Its probably the government, this whole thing is a setup”
The Christian says “Praise the lord that it did not get any worse”
The Muslim says “Praise Allah that it did not get any worse”
The psychotic says “Well that’s weird, the dark sucker (globe) failed to vacuum the darkness, removing the dark so the light could exist, now the darkness is back because the globe let it escape”
The depressive says “Oh dear, its dark, its cold, there’s no food we can eat, this is depressing”.
And the child says “It was just a bang, and the light turned off”
 
It was quite simple really.  It made me think about education, about how through the education system we are told how to think and learn, and deciding on your profession, or your lifestyle will depend totally on how you view life.  The child in the end, who had little experience went to the most basic level.  The child said just what happened, and did not need to give an explanation why.  There simply was a bang, and the light turned off.
 
One day I started to panic about what I had discovered, whether all in my mind, or whether it was real, at that moment I did not care, it simply existed in my mind as fact.  I became very anxious and was rather frustrated that no one understood.  So I decided to do something about it.  I decided to get physically fit, I decided to get onto multi-vitamins, I decided to go on a detox.  I went on the detox and everything was honky dory for a while, then at about day 10, my mind started to go funny.  I would see the same messages on TV I saw 6 years ago.  THE SAME ONES!  They were identical.  For a long time they would not affect me, but for some reason, they appeared again.  What was happening.  I then realized that my pre-disposition to suggestive imprinting, whether intentional or coincidental was re-surfacing and making it a present moment, rather than what happened in the past, it began to affect me now.  This was insane.  I started noticing words such as “exile, abandoned” and then all of a sudden, the scariest image would affect me, it was of a snake attacking the camera that was filming.  In my old way of thinking it was like the snake attacked me.  At that very moment, “survive” was emphasized.  I panicked.  No not again, don’t start this mess up again.  Then for some reason it was more intense than it was 6 years ago, perhaps due to the fact of 6 years worth of extra knowledge was affecting me now.  Addresses I lived at would refer to me.  Numbers would refer to me.  I couldn’t believe what was going on.
 
I decided to go to my GP for some advice, he asked me if I was still on prescription medication, I told him I had been off it for at least 7 to 8 months now, and was doing fine until doing a detox.  He was angry that I would consider doing a detox.  I asked why, and he responded that it was because usually you would do a detox to remove toxins from the body, and is usually done under supervision.  He asked me if I believed I was intoxicated.  I said no, and he said, well you do have a history of delusions, how can I be certain, I responded, well I was just reading up on the fact that it can be good for you, and he shook his head, he said it was quite dangerous.  This was rather confusing as I had a discussion with another doctor on what he thought about detox, he said it was a great idea.  Two doctors with two different opinions.  The medical system is totally screwed up.
 
So he said that the main concern was the fact that I was being depressed, he prescribed me an anti-depressant.  I went home, and then discussed with my mother I said “Look, here is an anti-depressant, remember 6 years ago what happened?”.  I told her if I am right, that I was targeted, the anti-depressant would do the same thing.  I took one tablet, but nothing happened.  I went to bed and laid down, and my body started to feel heavy.  Oh no, just like before.  I started to sweat, my mouth became really dry, exactly like it happened 6 years ago.  I would again start thinking about the screwed up life I had lived, the pinging sensation start to creep in. I started to panic, I ran to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror, and my eyes were fully dilated.  WHAT IS GOING ON!  6 years later, the same effects!  I then remembered the research I did, about psychosomatic reactions.  This was happening again.  I wondered if I would still see the same nonsense on TV.  Turned it on, and bingo, the very advert that was showing had the same message.  Turned the TV off.  At this point I woke my mother up, told her to look at my eyes, and she acknowledged the obviousness of the truth.  The anti-depressant had kicked off the LSD again.  I called health direct, and they said not to go to emergency because I could react in a large crowd, but to lay some where quite and go see the doctor in the morning.  He said to me that it was important that I continue taking the anti-depressants.  When I hung up the phone, I swore never to take them ever again!
 
This mental state had now affected me for a period of 2 months.  I couldn’t do anything, I literally was going psychotic.  I would walk around pacing up and down the room, a memory of the movie ‘a beautiful mind’ was surfacing, when Russell Crowe would pace hearing the voices.  I never heard voices, ever.  I was simply battling my own thoughts, my own paranoia.  Never was there someone there that did not exist.  Then I began to panic again, it came in waves.  At the pinnacle of the paranoia, whenever I turned, I believed that my body was always facing the one direction, and that my legs had the power to shift the enter earth under me in the opposite direction.  The result, I was turning.  To everyone else, it looked the same, to me, it looked the same, the reason though, was different.  That was totally messed up.  I then began to think about the light globe discussion I read a while ago, that the light globe actually vacuumed darkness.  INSANE!  The result was the same, the explanation was different.  I was losing touch of my own reality. I did not want to be here.  I wanted to escape, I did not want to exist.  I tried to commit suicide, I swallowed many tranquilizers, my heart began to slow down to a slow beat, I could barely move, I stumbled when I walked.  I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep forever.
 
I opened my mobile to call my wife who was with our daughter and my in-laws at the time.  I wanted to call her to tell her I was sorry that I would leave her here with our daughter by herself.  I was going to tell her to tell our daughter that I always loved her, and that she would do great in the world and that there’s no way my daughter can ever see me in a state of mind that was so unnatural to everyone else.  My wife believed everything that happened to me.  She has heard this story many times over and even with more details.  She loves me even more now, how can a person love someone like me.  I was getting depressed.  At the moment that I opened the mobile phone, there was a picture of my daughter as a wallpaper.  I began crying, she would never know how much I loved her, and she would blame me for leaving and abandoning her.  Exactly how it felt when my father left our home country and came to Australia, except there would be no way for her to ever see me.  I was selfish I thought.

[Lion]

I decided to call for help at this point, I was crying constantly over the phone, the lady on the other line kept me calm though, she asked me to get details of what I took, apparently I had taken enough tranquilizers to knock out an elephant.  The ambulance came.  I was rushed to hospital, I was given oxygen, I fell asleep.  The next I remember was a drip in my arm, and nurses waking me up.  I would fall asleep again.  This happened many times.
 
The final time I decided to stay awake, I looked at the clock, a few hours had gone by.  I psychiatrist and a psychologist came to me.  I explained everything that had happened.  Over our discussion, they both looked at each other, and said, “You know what, we don’t believe you have paranoid schizophrenic tendencies, and there is no mention of it in your records either, for the last 6 years, the psychiatrists haven’t been able to diagnose you”. I go “WHAT?”.  I was going “what about my psychotic thoughts?, believing this and that”.  He looked at me and said “You are not the only one that has this type of thinking, the normal every day person has this!”. I was confused, and asked “What do I have then”.  He looked at me and said “you have what many people suffer from, actually its something that nearly every person on this planet suffers from, it all has to do with the pressures of society, the pressures of trying to fit in, and when it doesn’t happen, you would get a reaction like you would”.  I looked at him and said “what, stress?”.  And he said “bingo!”.  Through a good few hours of discussion with the two, I came to realize that under extreme cases of anxiety and stress, the mind will start thinking the most weirdest of things.  He explained to me the reason why I would not have schizophrenia is that its impossible for someone who went through what I did with a drug induced psychosis, to be able to recover from it by stopping the medication instantly, and not relapse for 7 to 8 months.  He said it seemed to boil down to the fact that I was under a lot of pressure to want to succeed and not being able to do it.
 
I went home, and thought about what had happened.  Could this be true?  I thought, well if that’s the case, then I shouldn’t be affected by watching movies then.  So I setup a marathon.  Decided to watch Back to the future I, II, and III.
 
Beginning of the very first one, all the clocks go off at 8:00am.  I remembered thinking, heh what a coincidence, I used to live at number 8 when I took the drug 6 years ago.  Then the first scene of Michael J Fox, he had sunglasses on.  I squeezed the arm rest on the lounge.  “Nup, this movie was made in 1980’s, how could it possibly be for me, it must be psychosis”.  Fondly enough the whole movie was about time travel, I panicked, TIME-TRAVEL, LIKE TERMINATOR SERIES! 
 
They made a big deal about a newspaper clipping when Dr Emmet Brown was ‘commited’ which later changed to ‘commended’.  The positions of the people I had seen before.  I looked through my photo album, I couldn’t believe it.  It was a newspaper article of my father being commended for something, they were all standing in the same position!  I freaked.  What is going on!  The whole movie was about going back to November 5th 1955.  Fondly enough, I recognized this to by Guy Fawkes day.  I then realized that the movie V for Vendetta was about a terrorist who wanted to free the people of a totalitarian state, to free the people of the New World Order!  The terrorist had the Guy Fawkes mask on.  At this point I questioned a friend who had seen an advance screening of the movie, he confirmed.  He said there is a scene that says “Remember remember, the 5th of November”.  This was weird.  A movie about freeing the people from a totalitarian government, which seemed Anti-New World Order, also had the identical date on back to the future.  I then realized V for Vendetta was made by the Wachowski brothers, the creators of The Matrix.  Decided to quickly do some research on the Wachowsky brothers.  I could not believe what I had discovered, but it could be disinformation, I have no idea.  On one site, it says that the brothers are freemasons!
 
I decided to keep watching.  Things were ok, entertainment, and then I stuck on number 2. At one point, I decided to write a book, a sci-fi book on time-travel. Using the possibilities of time-travel in biblical references, when people would get ‘revelations’ of the future would be time-travel to the past to hand down information of the future, meaning revelations was a script rather than prophecy, to finally discover if Jesus actually died on the cross or whether he did in fact have children, or whether the new testament was in fact created by the Piso Roman family as some claim it to be.  I thought this would be an AWESOME book, but then I decided not to and that it may be a bad idea.  About 5 minutes later, Biff from the future looks at Biff of the past “Dont be so stupid, this book will make you a millionaire”.  I FREAKED!  What in the world is going on!  A movie about time travel, my own thoughts on how it could be used to persuade the past to influence the future, and at that very moment it seemed to relate to me writing my own book about time-travel. A movie based on time-travel telling me to write a book about time-travel.  I was looping in my own mind, trying to comprehend what was happening.  This was insane.  I stopped number 2 and had a rest.  I then started number 3.  Then I realized the whole 3 movies have a reference of “are you chicken” and Michael J Fox would do what he did not want to do.  Then another scene of a group of people talking to Michael J Fox.  They said “If you don’t go out there and fight for what you believe in, you will be a coward, and the world will know you are a coward for the rest of your days”.  I panicked.  I started to think about all this Dwarf references, I started to think about where my future will be.  My mind was in a meltdown.
 
So instead of watching movies, I decided to go online and get movie scripts.  I had enough. I decided to look for things that affected me on a personal level, not a group of individuals level.

[Lion]

I searched for my country of birth, I searched for the capital of my country of birth.  I searched for references to Australia.  I searched for references to my name, I searched for references to the number 8, I searched for very specific details about my own life and close family members. 
 
I found a WHOLE HEAP of listings.  And I couldn’t believe what I found.  I had found most of the movies were the ones that had already affected me, yet I had not found specifics in them when I watched them before!
 
They were “Vanilla Sky” about the 7 Dwarfs ‘conspiring’ against Tom Cruise. 
 
They were mind-control based movies such as SpyKids3D, and ‘programming’ which I then learned was similar to mind-control.  The programming movies were ‘a long kiss goodnight’ about a programmed assassin, and fondly enough both Manchurian Candidate movies.  Then there were references to old favourites like short circuit I and II.  About a programmed robot that comes to life.  There were references to my country of birth and birth dates of family members.  Coincidently the robots were called SAINT.  I then found movies such as 13 days, Nixon, and a Few Good Men had references.  The themes within these movies were “The governments greatest creation has gone haywire, it must be located and destroyed”.  Then the Cube with “They come like a thief in the night, only the government could create something as horrible as this”.  Government this, government that.  And then, a reference to a movie I picked up before, yet I hadn’t picked up a specific reference.  It was “There’s something about Mary”, when the driver puts on his sunglasses and says “Must be a stalker”.  My mind was going into overdrive, I could literally feel the neurons firing in uncontrolled bursts giving the psychotic way of thinking.  I investigated more, I was out of control, I was getting obsessed.  Then family movies with ‘devil’ themes came up.  Such as Bedazzled.  There was so many movies, all with similar themes!  Now not only did I previously list movies that may affect a group of individuals, I actually listed movies which affected me personally.
 
The themes were
 
“Government created”
“Must destroy as its out of control”
“Mind-controlled, and re-programmed”
“Re-programmed Robot, saving humanity”
“World Leader, will create a revolution”
 
I couldn’t believe what I was finding.  It all tied in, even to specific references 6 years ago.  World Leader!  ARGH!!!  NO I DON’T WANT TO BE A WORLD LEADER!  I cant control this, I cant control my own mind, I’m losing touch of reality again, no not again, I cant even make a choice, if the future is written then no matter what choice I make its already been made, I can only understand why I made that choice. Where have I heard that before?  “THE MATRIX”.  This movie is one buggered up piece of work.  Its themes are on the realms of how I think.  WHAT?  Was the movie based on my own mind?  WHAT.  What did I just say to myself, HOW IN THE WORLD COULD A MOVIE BE BASED ON MY OWN MIND!  This is outrageous.  Logic was totally being slammed against the wall and beaten up to smithereens.  At that moment, my world seemed to be like “The Truman Show”.  Then I started to remember Jim Carrey movies.  Liar Liar, heh, 6 years ago, I couldn’t lie because I felt forced not to.  I was forced not to do anything wrong.  Then a lightbulb turned on.  I heard that somewhere before, someone mentioned it to me.  I phoned the guy who mentioned it to me, and he said “yeh, that seems to be like the theme in the movie A Clockwork Orange”.  I read the movie script.  It was about a guy who was drugged, then brainwashed by watching violent acts.  He could no longer do violent acts, because whenever he thought about it, he’d feel the effects of the drug.  WHAT!  Exactly what happened 6 years ago.  Whenever I decided to do something that was not right, I felt a negative pinging sensation.  BRAINWASHED!  MIND-CONTROL, PROGRAMMING!  This is too messed up.  At that thought, I ran into the bathroom, I looked in the mirror, and yep, you guessed it, my eyes were fully dilated.  I was pinging again.

[Polly]

Lion wrote: i had been diagnosed with psychosis - paranoid schizophrenia, however some psychs have said I don't have it, others say I have, i haven't been on medication for nearly a year now and things are OK, what actually happened was (and its not in the novel) is that I opened up my Crown Chakra, which lead me to see other realities in my supposed 'psychotic' state, a form of kundalini, but only one chakra opened, not all simultaneously....


Lion, my thought on this is that they force enlightenment on people using technology and other means and they do not care one iota what kind of mess they make in a person's mind as long as the results are of use to them.  Bypassing the natural progression of chakra clearing and opening would create all kinds of mental and other aberrations of which I personally experience.  I was diagnosed with different conditions than you but the resulting feeling for me is one of being out of sync.  That's putting it mildly at times. ;)