Transplanar Refugees.

[Ezrah]

What I meant is that my one of my biggest drives... which partially fuels my interests in the sciences... is to find a way to bring the remainder of my people here [I don't think its possible to go back, I'm not even sure there is a place to go back to anymore], and to restore fully, not only our memories and personalities, but our physical forms as well... essentially, I would like to revert to my original species.

To clarify, I remember my people as a somewhat smallish [smaller than humans by about a foot], feline like [with a few notable difference, I think we're closer to the "predecessor species" that links canines and felines] bipedal race with fully articulated fingered hands, and high arched plantigrade feet; as well as a subconsciously empathic society, and a penchant for a little harmless hedonism, spirits, and music.

we're not a superior species or anything like that... we have a weaker sense of drive than humans do... leaning in slower technological expansion... but I miss my old existence, and the connectivity of my people.


as for programming, I haven't read up on it here... but I get an intrinsic sense of what it pertains too... and possibly entails... built in psychological structures that trigger specified behaviors, thought patterns, and further changes to the host, correct?

[Astrojewels]

Ezrah,
Interesting, and allow me to ask another question, the people that you have connected with here from your original species, do they feel the same way that you do in this existence?
I must question this because you do not know the specifics of your original existence; therefore this is why I feel it is your programming. Just like William has pointed out, none of us started as humans and many people on this forum have discussed the connection to their original species, and that feeling of wanting to go home, and feeling trapped in the human form; a form of imprisonment.
There is a purpose for you to experience this life in human form and while you continue to battle the knowing, instead of accept, this drive will continue to feed the inner conflict.
People, humans as you call them, have wonderful attributes; there are many great people in this world. Perhaps looking at your purpose in a different perspective will allow you to evolve from your original species to a greater species, one that has combined with the many great human ones!
You can only grow from who you are or who you have been, transforming to a different species will not change who you are inside.

[Ezrah]

Sorry for the delay, I was out of town for about five days at a convention, then I had an uninterrupted run at work to make up for the days that I requested off...

As for the other people from my species reacting as I do... yes, we're generally empathically oversensitive [at least in human terms], feel somewhat isolated from the "normal" human population, and most of us feel a desire to return to our former state. The method, and extent to which we can deal with these symptoms however varies wildly... I've seen better than myself, and I've seen worse.

As far as not knowing my species... I know what we called ourself Karotanta, shortened form of Karo-Konantia [a term meaning something akin to "children of the world spirit"] what I meant is that aside from the others I know of, there are very few accounts of creatures similar to what I was. I believe I described what we were like [at least physically] in a previous post.

And... I don't hate humanity... far from it, its just that the unharmonious and disquiet nature of the majority of them disturbs me... all the turmoil puts strain on me, and all the negative emotion that it generates effects me negatively. I understand, and recognize that there are some, perhaps even a lot of them that are "more akin" to myself... its just the "bad" ones tend to be louder/more aggressive/more pronounced.

And I completely agree with you... the first life that "strongly" imprints your psyche... that is the one that you will always identify most strongly with, regardless of what you become... its a loaded issue though, since its hard to say if those first few formative imprints of consciousness determine what species you see yourself as... or if your nature determines what you first "arrive" as.

the conflict that I feel from inside is a bit different though... its not really a conflict between my "human self" and my "alien self" there is only one me... its more of a conflict between my brain and my spirit... I've always had a problem, prehaps even to the point of defect... my emotions seem muted at times, and I've overly logical... I tend to get locked into modes/lines of thought, topics, and activities... I think its probably related to a defect/difference in my neurochemistry that has yet to be detected.

[GertrudaRose]

There are many beings that have evolved to the point of feeling the oneness of energy.  Of course, this causes us to be extremely sensitive to the energy of everyone around us and many people are still caught up in the negative and fearful state encouraged by TPTB.  My soul group has tried many things to try to protect ourselves from the onslaught and nothing is impermiable, but I can suggest that the best defense is a "good energy offense".  By that I mean that if you keep your energy strong on the good side, it helps buffer the negative coming at you from others.

One other suggestion I have is that you may be doing like I did at one time - retreat into logic to try to block out the emotional when it is overwhelming. 

These are just ideas, take what is helpful and leave the rest.

[Astrojewels]

Good advice GR.


Ezrah,
What you describe is really not that different to how many people feel, and I certainly do not see it as a defect, we are entering, and have been for some time, a higher collective frequency and for those that are sensitive to this growth will feel as you do especially towards the ‘bad’ ones, the human essence is splitting and segregating but not just through religion, politics, race or color. Currently we are feeling the separation of kindness and brutality in our world, and all occurrences will have no medium like the past, but all things require you to look at the picture behind the picture to understand both, because presently many people that are sensitive to the higher frequency can tell you of a situation that has unfolded with bizarre sequential steps. All that matters is you feel good about who you are, and do not let any situation or person take that away from you.

[Ezrah]

Sorry about the long absence, I've been working and stressed. They upgraded me to full time recently, so my work load increased drastically. Along with the fact that my never ending bad luck has seemed to kick back in. [I didn't mentioned this before; but in January, I fell asleep at the wheel on a return trip from a large social event, and rolled a car.] It struck again recently, in the form of stolen art equipment and a laptop, trouble with my family, and the CV joint on my car going out while I was dropping off my boyfriend.

I've recently been talking to the one who woke me up, and witnessed the true extent of her psychological deterioration... she's become unstable, can't remember anymore, can't sort her memories out from her dreams. Its getting to the point where her psyche is coming into direct conflict with the portion of her original psych ingrained into her physical form. I've also experienced episodic conflict as well, resulting in either psychological troubles [depression, confusion, partial reversions, etc.] or physical conditions [pains in the rear portion of my skull, feelings of pressure along my temples, increased body temperature, and in at least one instance, a strange condition where I lost complete control of my body, though I could still see, and hear... though the whole thing seemed as if it was coming through a white noise filter.] Though, unlike her... I've always come out on top; unphased, or stronger than before. No personality degradation or collapse.

She's also started saying things, that confirmed a growing suspicious of mine. She states that her memories of me are only partially congruent with mine of myself, yet there are others who remember me as I do, or at least in a more similar manner. It seems I'm a composite, bits and pieces of two similar entities, melded into a whole. Or perhaps, just as likely, Two distinct phases of existence of the same entity.

On a related note... many of the others seem to have acute psychological problems... its much worse than I originally thought... everything from debilitating anxiety troubles, to the inability to properly form interpersonal attachments... Many of them are actually "diagnosable" though they're always emotional instabilities, not cognitive ones... no dementia, no schizophrenia, no delusional complexes [unless of course you're of the opinion that we're delusional by virtue of our memories and sense of self.]

I personally have a very limited sense of self [for the most part, I am defined by those who have a need or love for/of me, and by what task/project I'm devoting my time/energy too.] Coupled with very weak self esteem, and a near debilitating tendency to over analyze things.

Oh yeah, since I mentioned the bad luck I've been having... that is another common theme... nearly all of us seem to have spectacular, and spectacularly long running bouts of ill luck. Be it financial, interpersonal, or genetic. I personally seem to have the devil's luck, on several occasions, I've had to watch the whole world crash and burn around me... without being so much as singed. [The rollover isn't the first, I've been in several near misses and quite a few situations where I should of been injured; physically, emotionally, and financially, though I always completely dodge physical injury.]

Hope this is all helpful or informative.