04-17-2009, 06:47 PM
AJ, you don't get it. And, no you won't. It's good you really have love. You are very lucky indeed. I'm not envious BTW. I think it's wonderful. A great gift. Only someone who never had it can really 'see' it. 'Versions' of it - nut nor the 'real thing' (& no, not romantically).
What do you know ? Nothing.
Stupid pm?
Good. It depends on what side of the fence you're standing.
Sad indeed. I don't wish my life & my past on my worst enemy. BTW, I don't consider you my worst enemy. Far from it.
And you still call me stupid.
How odd it is you think it makes you feel so much better that you could throw your "feeling so loved" & throw your: "No wonder you're tired all the time" in my face.
Brutal & mean without being aware of it.
And you think you know that you can hate my guts...
How sad.
How 'big' of you & how truly ugly, really.
Not pity, not 'compassion'.
No, all that 'love' you have for people...being 'so blessed'
Love indeed...
Like I said - you don't get it. Can't see it.
Couldn't, if somebody'd shove it right in your face.
What kind of compassion?
Where's the love now, hm?
I have finally gotten what I 'deserved', haven't I? (No pathos, just an observation).
I 'asked' for it, yes?
I said here before I have absolutely, bar none, any faith in 'too good to be true' people... Maybe Karen's of that sort & I don't trust it.
I don't have a vendetta 'of sorts'. I'm closing the books on it.
I'm also too 'lazy' (dare I say so!) to fetch the post in which Karen mentioned that her children were of so very...'astrological'...(I can't remember what now)... whatever. It's not important anymore. Maybe that was the mix-up with lineage (yes, call me stupid Karen - more power to you)
At the end of the day, I know for myself - regardless if people here think I'm full of sh*t & seriously fu*ked, I am trying the best I can with what I have.
I am working on myself - I have for as long as I can remember. I never had the choice.
And, I have never stopped trying & I never will because I don't have the luxury to sit on my little derrière & become 'pleased with myself'.
You might well say: "Oh, and you've still only gotten that far? What's wrong with you?" Like I said to Karen "you can only start where you find yourself".
If you keep being pushed back into your own hellhole (by so-called 'well-intended/-meaning' people), that's where you have to start - from scratch.
So I keep getting back out of the hellhole. Out of my own volition.
Real healing is frigging hard work. Bloody scary as well. Going into your own abyss is not exactly a picnic.
And, some people have a 'head start' - like true love. Good foundation, all of that.
I repeat I do not wish my past nor my life on my worst enemy - even if Karen thinks I'm stupid & thinks I deserve nothing better to have more of the same.
Drill it in nicely thank you.
Make sure it keeps hurting real good, lest I should forget what that feels like!
Yes, I know I asked for it, didn't I? I only have myself to blame! Bah!
She just joined all the others (so wonderful) that have done so for as long as I can remember. Swell!
That's why I can take it & still respond, you know.
And, no, it's not bleedin' my guts out in self-pity, wallowing for the sake of it. Now that makes you tired!
Pity don't buy me nuthin'. I can do without.
I'm aware there are people here reading this who haven't got a clue what I'm talking about. And, BTW, it's not a 'soul striptease' by a long shot.
I've been assaulted all my life from people that I thought were genuinely wanting to 'help' me & turned out to be the exact opposite. Call them handlers, but it's part of their mask, you see?
Being so 'nice' & 'full of love & concern' - it's not hatred, it's seeing the unawareness, recognising it for what it really is - a need to 'make good'. In whichever fashion & manner it may strike the 'do-gooder'. (Charity organisations are full of these folks & there are a lot of 'dark' people in them.)
I met plenty of 'em & they sure as beans wrecked my life.
Someone who has never survived a war (I'm not talking entities or such like, I'm talking a real war here - I'm a post-war 'product'), who's never been down that road & all the consequences around them won't understand.
It's "not important anymore". It's over, the past, yes? The traumas remain.
"It's no wonder you're so tired all the time! You have no love in your life, of course you're miserable, silly woman! Now sod offf & leave me alone with your nonsense & your stupid pm."
I never 'needed' SS to aggravate the situation. Or to 'get me started'.
I've been given the go-ahead to get off, so I will. I had decided before but now the "kick up the butt & bugger off" is official.
Thanks for the "kindness & the compassion". What a loving forum this is. I'm just shell shocked by the vibe.
Especially the love...
You're good Karen. You're very, very good. So lucky indeed.
And, yes, you can continue to hate my guts. Feel the love...
'Live the love'. Breathe it, express it. Good for you.
Karen fits in perfectly with my lifestory (& no it's not how Karen would like to think - that it's so easy to hate me?).
Karen, you will never understand. And it's quite sad really. In spite of all that 'love' you say you have.
Love indeed.
What a very loving forum.
Le voyage continue, et je reprendrais mon chemin ailleurs.
Bien ÃÂ vous tous. Adieu.
What do you know ? Nothing.
Stupid pm?
Good. It depends on what side of the fence you're standing.
Sad indeed. I don't wish my life & my past on my worst enemy. BTW, I don't consider you my worst enemy. Far from it.
And you still call me stupid.
How odd it is you think it makes you feel so much better that you could throw your "feeling so loved" & throw your: "No wonder you're tired all the time" in my face.
Brutal & mean without being aware of it.
And you think you know that you can hate my guts...
How sad.
How 'big' of you & how truly ugly, really.
Not pity, not 'compassion'.
No, all that 'love' you have for people...being 'so blessed'
Love indeed...
Like I said - you don't get it. Can't see it.
Couldn't, if somebody'd shove it right in your face.
What kind of compassion?
Where's the love now, hm?
Mercy Now Wrote:In a world where baring your fangs has become the norm and reveals alignment with the dark nature of those that control this planet a gentle tempered approach is appreciated and as such has a more profound impact. IMOMN, I hear what you're saying.
The drama and titillation associated with baring your fangs feeds the lower forces. After your run in with SS I would think you would see how he uses such responses and the associated reactions.
I have finally gotten what I 'deserved', haven't I? (No pathos, just an observation).
I 'asked' for it, yes?
I said here before I have absolutely, bar none, any faith in 'too good to be true' people... Maybe Karen's of that sort & I don't trust it.
I don't have a vendetta 'of sorts'. I'm closing the books on it.
I'm also too 'lazy' (dare I say so!) to fetch the post in which Karen mentioned that her children were of so very...'astrological'...(I can't remember what now)... whatever. It's not important anymore. Maybe that was the mix-up with lineage (yes, call me stupid Karen - more power to you)
At the end of the day, I know for myself - regardless if people here think I'm full of sh*t & seriously fu*ked, I am trying the best I can with what I have.
I am working on myself - I have for as long as I can remember. I never had the choice.
And, I have never stopped trying & I never will because I don't have the luxury to sit on my little derrière & become 'pleased with myself'.
You might well say: "Oh, and you've still only gotten that far? What's wrong with you?" Like I said to Karen "you can only start where you find yourself".
If you keep being pushed back into your own hellhole (by so-called 'well-intended/-meaning' people), that's where you have to start - from scratch.
So I keep getting back out of the hellhole. Out of my own volition.
Real healing is frigging hard work. Bloody scary as well. Going into your own abyss is not exactly a picnic.
And, some people have a 'head start' - like true love. Good foundation, all of that.
I repeat I do not wish my past nor my life on my worst enemy - even if Karen thinks I'm stupid & thinks I deserve nothing better to have more of the same.
Drill it in nicely thank you.
Make sure it keeps hurting real good, lest I should forget what that feels like!
Yes, I know I asked for it, didn't I? I only have myself to blame! Bah!
She just joined all the others (so wonderful) that have done so for as long as I can remember. Swell!
That's why I can take it & still respond, you know.
And, no, it's not bleedin' my guts out in self-pity, wallowing for the sake of it. Now that makes you tired!
Pity don't buy me nuthin'. I can do without.
I'm aware there are people here reading this who haven't got a clue what I'm talking about. And, BTW, it's not a 'soul striptease' by a long shot.
I've been assaulted all my life from people that I thought were genuinely wanting to 'help' me & turned out to be the exact opposite. Call them handlers, but it's part of their mask, you see?
Being so 'nice' & 'full of love & concern' - it's not hatred, it's seeing the unawareness, recognising it for what it really is - a need to 'make good'. In whichever fashion & manner it may strike the 'do-gooder'. (Charity organisations are full of these folks & there are a lot of 'dark' people in them.)
I met plenty of 'em & they sure as beans wrecked my life.
Someone who has never survived a war (I'm not talking entities or such like, I'm talking a real war here - I'm a post-war 'product'), who's never been down that road & all the consequences around them won't understand.
It's "not important anymore". It's over, the past, yes? The traumas remain.
"It's no wonder you're so tired all the time! You have no love in your life, of course you're miserable, silly woman! Now sod offf & leave me alone with your nonsense & your stupid pm."
I never 'needed' SS to aggravate the situation. Or to 'get me started'.
I've been given the go-ahead to get off, so I will. I had decided before but now the "kick up the butt & bugger off" is official.
Thanks for the "kindness & the compassion". What a loving forum this is. I'm just shell shocked by the vibe.
Especially the love...
You're good Karen. You're very, very good. So lucky indeed.
And, yes, you can continue to hate my guts. Feel the love...
'Live the love'. Breathe it, express it. Good for you.
Karen fits in perfectly with my lifestory (& no it's not how Karen would like to think - that it's so easy to hate me?).
Karen, you will never understand. And it's quite sad really. In spite of all that 'love' you say you have.
Love indeed.
What a very loving forum.
Le voyage continue, et je reprendrais mon chemin ailleurs.
Bien ÃÂ vous tous. Adieu.