Help with a friend

[Zodd42]

I have a friend who helped me in a difficult time in my life.  Now she is asking for money.

She is with a guy who is a convicted drug dealer, and says she has no money to eat.  It is my gut feeling that he is contributing to her financial problems.  She knows that I still have feelings for her, and may be using that against me.

When I talked to her on the phone today, the issue of mind control came up... I don't know exactly how or why.  She laughed at me and now thinks that I am either crazy or retarded.

Anyways, I tried logging on to WesternUnion.com 4 times, and 4 times my browser froze.  I took a minute and asked her oversoul if I should send any money, and immediately got a staunch NO.  I don't want to sound cruel or callous... I've been homeless and hungry before... How can I tell her no without hurting her?

[Polly]

Zodd, my sense of your predicament is that you would be compromising yourself too much if you gave her money now.  There are places where she can get free food if she is telling you the truth.   Somehow, I don't think the money would go for food.  If you helped her now, would it really be help you are giving her?

[Zodd42]

My feelings exactly.  I found out today that her junkie 'boyfriend' has racked up over $1,000 in cellphone bills in her name.  Regardless of my opinions of him, she still tells me she "loves" him and continues to be with him.  They both have no jobs, and live in a small apartment with her legal guardian.  I've heard he is fed up with all the "scum" in his house and is threatening to kick them both out.  When I try to persuade her that he is bad news and she would be better off without him, she gets angry, and says I am just trying to get with her "like every other guy."

An older me would be extremely upset and violently angry at this person for what he is doing to her.  He is a classic example of a domineering power-hungry male, playing a poor young girl's kindness for weakness.

This is the fourth or fifth time a girl I've been crazy about ends up with some junkie, and totally ruins her life in a matter of months.

It is obvious to me that any money I send, be it $50 or $500 or $5,000 would be gone in a matter of days and would be detrimental to her safety and well being.  It would be like me sending her anthrax or something.

I am struggling with the courage to deny her pleading cries for money.  I just don't know how to say no, while still showing them both unconditional love.

Imagine she was your sister or daughter, how would you tell her no?

[Polly]

If she was my sister or daughter I would suggest options.  I also would, and have done in the case of a sister, contact an excellent spiritual worker and see if absentee healing could be done to help raise her vibration enough so she could extract herself from that situation and take another path in life.

[Astrojewels]

Zodd42,

If she were my daughter, I would not say no, I could not say no. however she is not your sister or your daughter and she is someone you care about, when you say showing both unconditional love, is her partner a friend also?

How far away do they live from you?

[Zodd42]

Her partner is not a friend, I don't even know him. I only know what she has told me about him.

They live 1,000 miles away in the same state I used to live in: Tennessee. This kind of thing is common where I'm from. There is a reason it's called the 'dirty south' or the 'dirty dirty.'

I have been homeless, and don't wish the same on anyone. I want to show them both my unconditional love in this regard. Everyone deserves a home.

Her problems, I feel, all seem to come from the same person. It would more of less go away if she ended this relationship she is in. He has plenty of junkie friends he could live with, so he is in no real danger of being homeless. She on the other hand, is... and I feel like it is his fault.

How would you handle this if it were your daughter, and something/someone was physically blocking you from sending money? (I've tried)

[Astrojewels]

Hi zodd42,

It is not an easy situation and I could not say hypothetically how I would react if it were my daughter, because my emotions would be attached, and I would not be thinking like I am right now.

Yes I agree that everyone deserves a home, but you do not have to show this person unconditional love.

So she may have been caught up in this situation innocently as you say, is he threatening her not to leave? Or does she want to stay with this man? If she is a girl that is on a cycle to attract this type of man, it will continue and that is what you need to understand, that is where the ‘yes or no’ to the question is answered. She knows you are a good person and will give when asked, so this situation could be actually about you letting go, and it is hard to say no, but at times it is a necessity.

Believe me, you cannot help people that do not want to help themselves, this is then making you a victim. At the end of the day, you have to make the decision because this was asked of you, not anyone else, and I am curious to how you do respond, so please let us know and good luck.

[Zodd42]

Thanks for that.

I have been given 2 days to chew on it before I have to speak to her again. (thankfully)

I will let you know how I handle it. It might get ugly, but I know I will do the right thing.

[MC]

She is using you Zodd,and you are the one who must decide whether or not you want to be a victim and allow yourself to be used.She knows that you have feelings for her and she is taking advantage of this.She also made her choice when she chose a junkie boyfriend.Does she have to be in the position that she's in? No.So why play the victim for her?

[BlueMoon]

Zodd.....Instead of unconditional love, you can use tough love. If you keep bailing her out do you really think she will learn anything. You can become an enabler and help her to stay with someone inapropriate for her longer than she should. The longer she is with him the more likely it may be that she will get into the drug scene and not find her way out. His behaviour getting her into debt and possibly take her away from the "roof over her head" speaks for itself. He is using her. As long as people around her make it easy she will probably continue to stay in the relationship because she can't see that he is dragging her down. He has her convinced she needs him.. Maybe he is sending her to you for money.

I don't know what I would do in your shoes really.
It's your decision. Do what's comfortable for you.

Do you think your inability to wire money to her so far is a sign of some sort ??