My Deprogramming Journal

[PurpleParrot]

haven(Kimberly :big grin: ) I am glad you started your deprogramming journal!! When I get a chance, I'll read it. I'm no expert in deprogramming..I am just asking Oversoul to guide me through it all..I think its great though to see and read about others deprogramming experiences so I can gather insight into my own.
I think its very true to not overwhelm oneself with so many techniques..depending on your personal frequency that is. I am learning that I have to be as simple as possible right now...I am taking a break from deprogramming the hyperspace way..but not the Oversoul way.

[Polly]

Kimberly, I am being reeeeeeeally nosey but I keep wondering what those reppies you were spying on with binocs in that dream were doing.  Perhaps they were having tea?

icon_tgrin

 

[haven]

PP -  thanks for the encouragement!  I appreciate that.

Polly:   yeah, like tea with some other characters we all know and love, right?  icon_lachtot

Actually it seemed more like a military base of operations.  I could see their lookout the most clearly because he was at the front of the cliff dwelling, but it was hard to make out what was going on behind him because of the mist between their cliff and mine, other than sometimes another would come up and speak to the one on lookout duty.  So I was like "Wow my matrix has a whole southwest motiff?  Cool!" lmao just kidding.  But since I seem to have some deep seated reptillian thing stirred up and a faction inside the matrix trying to blow it up I figure I must be doing something right :big grin:.

[haven]

Well, my mother returned to her lair without eating me, and I forgot to mention my husband had a business thing in Las Vegas for a week immediately after so I was offline for another week.  What a bizarro two weeks!  This is rambling with possible triggers (what else is new lol).

First, I got some interesting clues around my programming.  I know board games were used and playing them now as an adult can cause so much stress for me that I have an alter that will take over and play for me.  I am deeply disturbed when my picture is taken, especially with a flash.  Ditto with strobe lights. 

I found out from my mother that I did have a clown doll when I was little after all, apparently before I could talk.  All these years when I had made repeated comments about clown dolls being creepy and she never told me until now.  She also told my husband how I was completely fearless as a child, even when she tried to scare me.  Well, ignoring the fact that she tried to scare me sometimes "for my own safety" :shock:, I remember things much differently.  I was scared all the time, but I just developed a good poker face.  I learned early on that the adults around me were no help at all.  When I wasn't directly punished for being afraid I was ridiculed and embarrassed for it.  I was told under no circumstances was I to come into my parents bedroom at night, nor could I have a night light or leave the hall light on.  I didn't even get indulged with a grown up checking under the bed and in the closet for me.

My husband ended up in the hospitial for chest pain (which incidently if you don't want to wait in the ER just throw in that little extra symptom and they take you right in :big grin:) but it turned out to be anxiety.  It was disturbing and my mom seemed very happy to have me by herself a lot of the time.  She tried to keep me away from the hospitial as much as possible while my husband was being subjected to "routine meds and procedures for chest pain", and they even tried to use blood work to keep him in another day and night until he made it quite clear he was going to leave anyway.  Let me just say it was surreal for now, with mom wanting to run around using me as a best friend and "man-bait".

The other odd thing is for the first half of her visit until he got out of the hospitial, my husband had been acting exactly like my father - I ended up very off balance because it was like spending time with my parents together, something I avoid at all costs because it is so bad for me.  I think this was orchestrated to trigger me into bonding with the dark si...oops...my mother  icon_x-face because of the familiar family dynamic.  

Then I headed to Vegas.  I had never been and wasn't looking forward to this trip at all.  I figured it would be cheesy and just make me tired, plus it has to be a triggering capital of the world.  I was excited about going to the desert and doing some painting.  I love the desert which probably means something too, and I'm guessing it ain't good .   I used to dream about places in the desert before I ever went there in real life.

Anyway, the trip turned out to be a surprise in that I found evidence of a simultaneous lifetime OR that I have been there a lot before but with no recollection.  We got in late the fist night and had a late dinner.  By the next night I felt like I was home.  I was constantly pointing out places to my husband and giving him details until he finally said I was creeping him out.  I hadn't even noticed until he pointed it out that I was talking about the whole city (not just the strip) as if I had lived there my whole life (and was thrilled to be back even).  I muttered I must have read about these places somewhere and let it go.  I was also mistaken as a local by other locals the whole time.  

Vegas is known for being generous to visitors, but we ended up geting way above and beyond generosity.  That was also a little unsettling.  We were ushered into the best restaurants without reservations, we were upgraded (much to the clerk's disbelief) to an enormous multi-room suite we could never have paid even one night, we got passes to a very exclusive night club that hollywood types frequent.  I was expecting to find a contract and an ink well filled with my blood waiting on the on the desk at any minute.

I am guessing it will take me awhile to sort through all the information over the last couple of weeks but this is a fly-by-synopsis just to touch base :).

[Polly]

Kimberly, you are in the thick of it, and I admire your resilience.  :ninja:  Truly!

[William]

  Love reading your stuff!    Keep at it!

[haven]

Well, this week has been the roughest so far.  I have been battling all sorts of ritual programs running but am hanging in there.  I am having more memories returning to me that are disturbing at best, mainly because there are huge chiunks of time missing from them.  Example:  I remembered being taken to a party at this HUGE mansion when I was in college by my boyfriend at the time, but I can't for the life of me remember WHY we went, what was being celebrated or how Mark even knew those people.  Most of all I can't remember what happened there other than I know I went, I know I had COMPLETELY forgotten it, and what I do remember is a bad feeling around it, an outdoor gothic type courtyard, and black and white checkered marble floor.  These things are unsettling as is the implication.

The most bizarre recent experience is that someone or something is in my apartment, or I have had some sort of psychotic break :retard:. For the last six months my stepdaugher's bedroom door gets shaken by the door knob when there is no physical reason we can find.  Since she is only here part time I keep something propped up against it to keep it from getting shaken when she isn't here.  This past weekend she was in her room getting ready for bed and the door opened on its own after being firmly shut.  Then night before last I got one of those spells of extreme sleep while sitting on the living room floor, about eleven something PM (I can guess the "something" part even though I didn't look at the clock ).  I was struggling against falling unconcious when someone walked down the hall and past the living room into my kitchen.  I have seen vague shapes before moving around, and about a month ago I came home one afternoon to find my couch OBVIOUSLY sat upon with pillows rearranged and my bed pillows rearranged also, but this is the first time I saw a literal person.  They were completely solid, and in a dark short sleeved shirt and dark pants.  My husband and I investigated but of course no one was there.  I was also in a dark shirt and pants that night (the ritual influence I am sure) and I wondered briefly if I had just seen myself come down the hall :shock:.  But the figure seemed male to me.  It was so clear that I could have gotten a great look at the face had I not been so shocked and sitting where my eyes were like knee level. 

I also got something interesting on the digital camera in the suite we were given in Las Vegas, and I will post that later.  One of my husband's sisters sent me a set of bowls in dark navy, red, and natural colors with five pointed stars for no reason.  The theme seems vaguely patriotic but it's a real stretch to really see them that way.  They just look ...well...keeping with the theme of the week "ritualistic" and creepy.

That's it from the war zone for now gw_6warrior  :big grin:

[Astrojewels]

Haven,

Have you looked at what I have wrote about the Scorpio cycle, sounds like you are being influenced by this energy, being a sensitive Cancerian and working on de-programming techniques will allow you to absorb this energy. Be careful, because what you see can be an illusion to shift your mind-pattern. I am sure the clock would have been eleven-eleven, a trigger time which often initiates various forms of  programming.

This is a time to use your psychic ability and trust your inner voice.  

[haven]

Hi Karen icon_wave  I have been following the Scorpio thread.  The Scorpio cycle has been kicking my butt without a doubt.  Plus I had just established beyond any doubt that I have scorpion programming a few weeks ago.  I can totally relate to what Moonchild was saying in her post on that thread icon_baeh.  I was even invited to the most exclusive vampire ball in NYC over the weekend, but I did not attend.

I will have more to say about what has been going on once we get out of this cycle, because I am not sure I can clearly articulate what is going on right now. 

[Astrojewels]

 

Haven,

I have to disagree with you, you are not having your butt kicked, because you are aware of what is going on, so the first point goes to you.

A serious cycle like this does not happen very often and just like your dedication to deprogramming, to overcome energy on such a large scale, you must first activate it. Scorpio programming is an extension of the astrological translation of the symbolic nature of the Scorpio, the greatest weakness of this energy is confrontation. A couple months ago I was bitten by a scorpion, and it took ages to find the little critter because after it bites it hides. Scorpio hates to confront and deal with things head on, any issue that arises during this cycle, deal with it straight away, do not let it amplify because that is the only way it gains strength.

Well done with your de-programming journal, it is really interesting.