Suicide

[Astrojewels]

Beyondinfinity,

This is so true, and the maze of confusion that you speak of will be long term, and it creates a mass of aftershocks that are not associated with any other passing, it is so different, men and women deal with death in such a different manner also, therefore it is going to be a long road for you, but I think it is a good thing that he is able to cry, crying seems to cleanse the internal pain a little. The other thing that has always bothered me is those that I have known that have passed this way, they seem to resonate a different energy form to other people, did you ever get this from him BI?  

Suicide does bring up so many questions which everyone has an opinion on, and what I sit on the fence about is I am a true believer that when you pass, it is your time, but suicide is like the exception and I am left unsure.

MN, that is a terrible experience for such a young person to deal with, did your parents know at the time what you had witnessed?  

[Mercy Now]

 Yes, AJ they knew but I'd left home when I was 15 and they didn't know how to deal with me. It was a kind of "you make your bed " type situation.
My father spent days with the ravaged remains of his buddies in a foxhole when he was 18 so relative to that he may not have seen it as traumatic.  

[William]

Me being a Scorpio, i tend to think of death and dying and suicide all the time. Not of doing it, but the philosophical aspects. Not to make light of any of this, im just stating how i think. I think about how life is slow suicide, and how is it much different taking your life or someone taking it from you? Or your told not to ski down some mountain cause its dangerous and you do it anyway for the experience. Or your old and dying a slow miserable death in bed not knowing who you really are any more....... Yes this sounds morbid but its the truth.... As young children think they are invulnerable and as we grow older we should see how fragile life is, not only to ourselves but to everyone and everything around us. We should study death as we study life. They seem to go hand in hand. Suicide seems to be the minds limited action... If we could consciously transfer our soul and mind into another empty body at will, then the death of this body would not hold as much taboo with suicide. If we really do live on then its just the death of this vessel. Isn't this life all about discovering life and Death. We cling to friends and loved ones, we try to glimpse their soul through art, but like death is a mystery to us so is our soul.
We are in a classroom of sorts yet our teachers are sadistic bullies that laugh at us when we fall. And yet we are supermen in a glass Vase. We want to rebuild the broken pieces to recreate the vessel for the soul. Do we really need to clothe the soul? We are hidden in plain sight. We are shattered.
Our teachers no matter how sadistic they may seem are only making us stronger, for all our hardships we will learn to look upon them with the same emotional strength equal to their unemotional uncaring ways. We will learn not to cling to illusions.

[Astrojewels]

I totally understand that MN, I was the same as a teen, and sometimes I think back at those years and my reckless nature to test life and death, and as a mother I think goodness how the heck to my mother not be affected by it, different times I suppose.

[beyondinfinity]

Beyondinfinity,

The other thing that has always bothered me is those that I have known that have passed this way, they seem to resonate a different energy form to other people, did you ever get this from him BI?  

This is an interesting question, especially considering I had a bit more objectivity toward the son because he wasn't my flesh and blood. The weekend was productive with M***, he was even eating and laughing,  now M*** is back on the island, did some grieve counseling last night with his younger son through the red cross and he is back in a fog. 

I have to toughen myself up because I can't afford to drag through this neglecting my responsibilities.  There is only so much I can do and then I have to let the flow of processing occur on it's own time table.  It all feels like a black vortex that would like to swallow me up into it.  I can't go there and it is really hard to feel helpless in changing what what M*** chooses to do. 

[karen]

Me being a Scorpio, i tend to think of death and dying and suicide all the time. Not of doing it, but the philosophical aspects. Not to make light of any of this, im just stating how i think. .....

What you wrote is beautiful.

[Mercy Now]

Beyondinfinity wrote:

I have to toughen myself up because I can't afford to drag through this neglecting my responsibilities.  There is only so much I can do and then I have to let the flow of processing occur on it's own time table.  It all feels like a black vortex that would like to swallow me up into it.  I can't go there and it is really hard to feel helpless in changing what what M*** chooses to do.  

 

I understand how this feels beyondinfinity as I have been where you are too. This occurs as well in situations where there was no death but the end of a relationship etc.

I learned to a bit of self preservation as I realized I had to take care of myself in order to be there for anyone.

[Astrojewels]

I have to toughen myself up because I can't afford to drag through this neglecting my responsibilities.  There is only so much I can do and then I have to let the flow of processing occur on it's own time table.  It all feels like a black vortex that would like to swallow me up into it.  I can't go there and it is really hard to feel helpless in changing what what M*** chooses to do.

Beyondinfinity,

Men and women merge in so many ways, but when it comes to death, grief and separation, men and women are two worlds apart, and MN is right.   
 

William, those words are beautiful and written from your internal self, I don’t think I have ever seen that part of you, very nice.

[beyondinfinity]

Me being a Scorpio, i tend to think of death and dying and suicide all the time. Not of doing it, but the philosophical aspects. Not to make light of any of this, im just stating how i think. I think about how life is slow suicide, and how is it much different taking your life or someone taking it from you? Or your told not to ski down some mountain cause its dangerous and you do it anyway for the experience. Or your old and dying a slow miserable death in bed not knowing who you really are any more....... Yes this sounds morbid but its the truth.... As young children think they are invulnerable and as we grow older we should see how fragile life is, not only to ourselves but to everyone and everything around us. We should study death as we study life. They seem to go hand in hand. Suicide seems to be the minds limited action... If we could consciously transfer our soul and mind into another empty body at will, then the death of this body would not hold as much taboo with suicide. If we really do live on then its just the death of this vessel. Isn't this life all about discovering life and Death. We cling to friends and loved ones, we try to glimpse their soul through art, but like death is a mystery to us so is our soul.
We are in a classroom of sorts yet our teachers are sadistic bullies that laugh at us when we fall. And yet we are supermen in a glass Vase. We want to rebuild the broken pieces to recreate the vessel for the soul. Do we really need to clothe the soul? We are hidden in plain sight. We are shattered.
Our teachers no matter how sadistic they may seem are only making us stronger, for all our hardships we will learn to look upon them with the same emotional strength equal to their unemotional uncaring ways. We will learn not to cling to illusions.

This entire writing is very profound.  I will reread it several more times.  Thank you so much for sharing  the scorpion and male perspective.   The father, who is also a scorpion described feeling as if he were a piece of glass shattered.  Years ago I wrote a poem about shattered glass and can't seem to find it.  If I can find it, I will post it here. 

Your description of sadistic teachers makes so much sense.   Thank you again for sharing.

[Mercy Now]

Hey William ! Where have you been keeping this side of you?