HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

Any suggestions on tattoos?

I thought about the 9th angelic and christ, will they clash or does the 9th contain christ?

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

I cannot give any suggestions for tattoos as it has to be a totally independent choice without the pattern of thought from anyone else, therefore the ‘imprinted pattern/picture will reflect who you are and the way you think now at this time in your life, the only tip I can give is remember that the place you choose on your body to put the tattoo will affect the chakra of that area, eg – if you got it on the top of your arm it would affect the heart chakra etc. good luck.

[alcyone]

HeadSpace how old are you?
imagine yourself with fifty and totally on something else... I think it is really painful to remove tattoo :)

[HeadSpace]

Hey People:)

I didn't think I was going to see you again. I've nearly died many times now and almost left my body, but I chickened out in the last minute and at other times I attracted some less happy astral entities so I had to let it go.

In case you are wondering why I would be trying to kill myself, I'll say that it is/was(?) my oversouls idea. That mess I got myself in got pretty heavy and it all developed to the point where I lost my mind.

I had up til 4 attacks from a "healer" one night, that happened several nights, which includes messing with dna so that I lost a lot of personality and stuff.

On top of this I had to combat demons and a lot of stuff. At one point they claimed I was to be incarnated as a draco from now on to serve. And that I belonged to them if I wished to keep my family intact.

I contemplated this but decided to break it and rushed down to my mothers house in the middle of the night to make sure they were ok.

I cant write everything either, a lot of stuff and details.

While walking home from the city one day, the day I should die. Some astral folks said this was it, because I've been struggling with my thoughts and not too rare i tend to think about them. But the truth is that they play with my head and twist my thoughts and then blame me.

On that day, while walking upwards the hills to a house and after recieving the message everything changed. The frequency dropped to dead zero and things were cold. The ground moved in waves and I could see alot of presence around me. My heart started burning and aching and slowing down very much.

I mean the frequency dropped to the point were it seems just so unreal and dead. Makes me think of dinosaurs for some reason. Not pleasant.

So after that night I've been trying to leave every night because that was what my oversoul had in mind. But I've sabotaged some of the times and others just couldn't do it. I never realized until now how much I really love my family. I never showed them.

I never lived my life either, not in the way I know I was supposed to. I know what this incarnation is about, I've known it for some time but haven't really been honest with my self. That and the fragmentation part was sabotaging.

I dont think my oversoul will allow me a tattoo either. I would probrably drop dead at the front door of the shop:?

Btw, when I was about to leave one night I had people saying goodbyes to me, which was interesting. And I saw things from other incarnations too, including myself as a viking. I looked really beautifulicon_liebhab

And I got a goodbye from a childhood friend I always loved, but in this lifetime we separated in sad ways early. And I think we now have some issues, so I was really happy to see her. A twinflame I think, always knew something was there.

Today, or just before starting writing this message I had a thought about why I could not live on in this life and deprogram and make the most of it. Because after eating some meat some hours ago things got better, I have not slept for over a week now. Just glimpses, and I've been eating very very poorly.

My reality has shifted through a lot of werid stuff and at one point I think I felt the draco viewpoint but I am not sure, felt like star wars in a way. But then again I think star wars is based on that stuff. I do think there is a lot of stuf in those movies or the whole story in general, as with lotr.

At the end of the day which was morning for the others I was very into christ frequency and on top of that had been severly attacked at dna level. I had nothing but that, no personality, just acting like a christ clone. Which was effective against the astral stuff though. But still sad.

On top of this my mother came up to me at this point with a childrens book and pointed out to me that my name means "the one who carries christ"
In relation to my name that feels right, I do not know how but I do feel something there. I get into that easily I think. But I have to give up ego in order to do so, which means death. Or not, depends on the circumstances of course.

While writing this my heart is starting to burn again and my oversoul is probrably having a laugh:( Yes, I've come to be a little less comfy with my oversoul after all this as it does not seem to sympathize with my human drama.

Which would be perfectly alright, if it wasn't my oversoul. I mean, it's very sad trying to explain to my family that I'm going to die and I cant tell them why. They worry about suicide and forcing me into a hospital of sortsicon_rolleyes

I think my next incarnations will be less pleasurable, I also had the choice of dropping out of existence completely which I actually thought about several times. But as the days went by and one morning My family was watching telly and I caught a glimpse of the rainforest that possibility became stupid. Theres so much beauty and love, and I have spent my whole life looking for something which was in front of me the whole time. Writing this I know this is a cliché.

Just today, I have had 4 attacks from that "healer" today. I have to rearrange my dna every time and thats annoying to say the least. Non intereference is really a good one.

Cant confront him either as it would be like talking to a bus coming at you in 80mphicon_muede

So, as you might have guessed by now. I am having the time of my lifeicon_rolleyes

Other than this I guess I can say it is all experience and have it's worth. When into the christ frequency I can see pain in the world, the missing love. it hurts, I could say I love them all. But I drop in and out. I dont use the archetype either.

Some parts of me is looking forward to experiencing new lives even though I know there will be horror there.


Also, my telepathic abilites have increased during the last months. Everything I think is there right away, and it's very intense. It is so brutal.

Another thing, when in christ and archangelic frequency I sometimes feel as if I've been thee before and I change my way of speaking to more old norwegian and like something I have heard somewhere else. Just dont know where.

I think I have been a wicca before too, I had dream about 9 months ago or so where I was a woman in my 3-40's living in a little village. It looked liked an old chinese movie. The scenery seemed very fairytalesh or not earthly. I had a house with lost of occult stuff and dreamcatchers and stuff and i sensed evil coming from the one side of the village and I plunged out like an action hero and fought them with some kind of darts, psychic I think. I feel the energy and atmosphere from that place/life is similar to what has developed here these last months. Also in the dream I did not feel it was a dream either, it was me, another me.

It may or may not be real.

I just asked stewart what he thinks about the situation, and he said he doubts I will die. Which is good new. I think.

I only hope I can get my heart back in shape againicon_rolleyes

The saying "nothing is lost" is very appealing to me right now.

Up until now the idea of me being fifty years old has seemed very unlikely:)

Will order myself a consultation soon, just have to find my visa. Thought I should try one of both Stewart and Janet.

I read in the questions and answers section on expansions that talking about something diffuses the energy so that would be one of the main reasons behind this post:)


I love you allicon_liebhab


Edit:

Alcyone, I will be 23 years old on the 20th of december:)

[Polly]

HeadSpace, you must hang in there.  I don't know anyone other than me who has had to deal with suicide fantasies and impulses more than I; except, of course, those who already committed it.

And yes, keep writing.  I have been reading it all along with you and am closeby.

[Astrojewels]

Interesting read headspace,

I have to ask “have you taken anything this past week”?

Everybody has a suicide alter and specifically programmed people do have extensive layers of this alter, the reason why you don’t see yourself as a 50 yr old man is because part of your programming has no hope for the future, so to see beyond today is very difficult.

I also think you have interference in the communication thread between you and your oversoul, the oversoul is the energetic essence of all that you are, and this should be non-judging.

I hope you are better today and deprogramming can encourage the feelings you feel now, so all I can say is what you are doing must be working. Take care

[HeadSpace]

Hey:)

I have taken drugs in the past, I have not taken any drugs for about 8-9 months or so. Which was only cannabis in small amounts, very small.

I'm through with them.

Had a strange couple of days just now, don't really want to talk about it.

Thank you all for your help.

[HeadSpace]

I just want to thank you again, I really appreciate your feedback and I've had a strange time. My situation is really hard to explain and I don't think I should talk too much about it either.

If my last days have been real I no longer have an attachment either:)

I had some help from someone. I may have had too much. I'm not sure. But I was in a very dangerous situation so I guess it evens out.

I may have lost something. Like a thousand burdens lifted from my shoulder and I've been complaining all along about the pain. The when it all lifts off I feel as if I have lost my purpose.

What remains now is my issues with compulsive thoughts and the astral folks.

Which is connected, they pull. And threaten, and manipulate.

The voices are getting stronger and clearer. They decieve and says they are something they are not. Digs into my mind and presents themselves as someone.

It is really annoying.

Now wondering what I should do about my life, I feel I dont belong here anymore, my hometown that is. It feels horribly dead for some reason.

Edit:

The stuff I wrote about earlier had nothing to do with me being suicidal, I wished to live. I was severely manipulated by astral demons and by almost dying I mean that I layed down in my be waiting for my oversoul to finish it off. I almost left some times. No joke.

I will do what I want from now on, I've been postponing life up until now. And now I feel the drive has left.  Very fun:?

I need to find something to do, some part of me wants war or something..Revolution, but then again when things are over I will be useless. Right now I feel the parts of me which is happy, loving, cheerful and enthusiastic is gone. Although the nwr program has been snooping around the last couple of days, I have jeff buckley stuck in my head which is a heavy imprint for me. My version of love, dying. Sadness. pain and the likes.

Dont get me wrong, I'm a cheerful guy. I'm just worrying I wont find the parts of myself that kept me shooting ahead. I was shooting ahead, i just never got around to get out of my head:?

[Polly]

HeadSpace, I am just coming out the other side of an extreme activation event and I am exhausted from trying to stop it from sending me over the edge.  I have no idea how I managed to survive it but you know what?  I realized a few months ago that in order to survive as a child I had to learn to squash the flight or fight response.  That does not mean I don't experience it (fight or flight) pathologically to the nth degree at times but I had to learn to become paralyzed inside in order to not act it out.  I'm still doing that to this day.

[HeadSpace]

Hey:)

I just had a similar experience, I had more of that which I mentioned and it became more and more intense to the point where I was going to die and to stop incarnating.

I really believed it all, it was so intense. Seriously strange experience with astral stuff and an enormus pressure i have never before experienced. That stuff where I am afraid of being because I might think something and its just there. So I was nervous to say the least, afraid of all kinds of thoughts and attracting them as well. My worst nightmare I think, there is something intense in the way I think sometimes or that I just feel the thoughts carry so much weight that I cant handle the pressure. Like being in a vaccuum.

Explaining this in a way you can understand it would be difficult and painful.
I was really going to die today, there was one little tought I had which was mostly deemed cowardly, excessive dangerous and fatal by those/that which surrounded me and it saved my life. The one voice which seemed the least credible at the time was the one that was right.

The fight or flight mindpattern is extreme in me, to the point where it ruins my body and mind. That is something the nwr stuff had for me which I loved, I learned to let go of the tension. But that changed at some point. it seems it connected to my greenstar.

There may be something going on right now as I have felt very strange for quite some time now. I have been targeted, but it may also be that they stepped up the chase of those with certain programs or something.

--

Had a break while writing this and things starting sliding again:? Now its the nwr program..Annoying. And what is very annoying is that when I'm about to die and I have the classic drama where I finally see my errors and where I missed opportunities it seems to fade as the alters kick in. But as I write this I am reminded so it is up to me. The mushrooms also had that, a death/rebirth with great insights and then things fade.

I look forward to getting started on deprogramming properly as I see things have not been going in the right direction up until now.

I will also get a consultation with Janet soon and check which tattoo might suit me best if anything at all. And to get some clarity.

Also wondering about what people call poweranimals and what that might mean. As people according to native americans always has a certain animal associated with them. It just crossed my mind yesterday. It was in the middle of my programming mess so it might just be nonsense but it got me curious.

I am sorry about the tone of this post, I have been very strange the last week and I need to recuperate.


Thank you all for being who you are, I am grateful:)