HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

I see now it has been demonic stuff all the way. All manipulation.  I think Rob mentioned somewhere that he sometimes got pimples at the solar plexus area when affected or something. I found three today:)

I am just shocked when it comes to the intensity. Since writing the last message a voice appeared which seemed to be outside as well as inside. Very very strange vibes. Tricky stuff. At times when I screwed up and lost control things got threatening to the point where I should die or sacrifice my family or any other person. This is also relative to my experience from the days before in my suicide alter if that is what it was. Sometimes the room got as cold as ice and I felt as if could not move without breaking apart.

-

There is much more to this and there to much to put in words.
An hour ago I asked if this voice/demon was my attachment, I got a yes. After a while I got curious and asked if it had a name, since I know MC did this. I got Baal as the answer. I have heard of this demon before.

Christ frequency helps a lot:)

[HeadSpace]

I'm struggling a bit, some with the attachment. And then with some healers trying to manipulate me. I'm not totally sure it has been them all along though. I may have been decieved, nevertheless, someone has been messing with me.

Just now some astral thing poked me with something and my alters changed, or I changed alter or something. Very annoying, starting to piss me off. have not had peace in months. Several weeks without sleep and some with almost no nutrition.

All my fault though:?

I really need the uvpt going, I get harrassed in my sleep every night.

I was wondering about tattooing it but the violet pigments fade quickly and reacts poorly to light. Probrably not the most healthy pigments either.

-- I feel like crap to be honest, really pissed. i just noticed theres full moon, there has been ful moon the last days where i've been troubled with this. Probrably ritual days.
Feels like it.

Sick stuff.

Thank you for having a place to pour this into, it does have a releasing effect on me.

[Polly]

Headspace, who are these healers you keep referring to?

It sounds like you need someone to talk to in person.  Someone who is stable and grounded and compassionate.

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

The full moon is not until the 12th, it seems you are not doing so well and I agree with Polly that you need to talk to someone to help you through these times. The astral energies feed off negative interaction, the more you become down the stronger they become, this is why the voices are becoming more apparent and the presence of the entities feel so intense, easier said than done, but if you can try to get your mood to change to a more optimistic place, a happier feeling and this will help.

This is the most intense time for rituals and illuminati energy, and it will remain until the 31st of December, it is the silly season and the time of the year that many people act out of character. Have you had a salt bath recently, this will help with impurities that you mention in the solar plexus area.

[HeadSpace]

[color="blue"]I do not have anyone to talk to at all actually:? Not complaining though. To be completely honest, can I say I have had a somwhat lonely life. So I am used to it.

I do not want to mention the healer, it would be either dangerous or just sad.

To be honest, I do not have any guarantee it is him, I get attacked sometimes. And i tried talking to him. But that is to say through my bedroom walls:P

The attachment is a part of this and manipulating me. Before writing this I had a big show:( Really annoying sick stuff.

I sent him some mails once after a seriously sad episode. Slightly funny actually, I was just finished with one of the death waves and got some good news in a mail from someone. Got the message that I would most probrably not die after all which gave me joy. This was after a period where I had that draco experience. I lost all emotions, most personality and stuff. i then asked oversoul to help me retrieve things. And I suddenly felt my libido again:D That made me happy as I believe that is important as an energy to fully enjoy life. Not necessarily the physical thing but the chakra. Anyways, I was about to go to bed when I thought about releaving the apathetic feeling and i tried visualizing the room in pink. I hit the wrong pink though and got interested in the sexual stuff. I then shifted to the right pink and thought about trying to create/project some love:P Since I had months with just plain psychosis and horror i thought this could be helpful and of course enjoyable..

The thing is that I suddenly got attacked in that chakra and I got the vibes and information that it was the specific one  i knew of. And I became very upset and sad.
I stayed up all night talking to him(?) through a wall.. The wall thing may sound strange but it has to do withthe way I perceive my visual field. It is alittle strange I think. In some ways easier to direct energies and focus..A little fishy and hard to explain. It is not necessarily connected to communication but to a certain kind of brain function. A weird wiring. Mushrooms perhaps.

It always happens when I have breakthroughs.

Listened to jimi hendrix the other day, or today (I dont rmember) I have an obession with his music. Have had since I first tried cannabis:) Well, I tried putting a big brown X on the subliminals of his music before listening. I did not visualize but intention does a lot if one has enough power in it. That and affirmations.

I noticed i could listen to it more objectively, very amusing. I still got it stuck in my head though and I got slightly affected. I know greenstar is there and I suspect nwr.

Just love the music he made, and the stuff, imagery or vibes in his music. Of course, that's a vague statement as he was an extremely creative man and he made tons of stuff people never actually heard. i like the more unfamiliar stuff.

It is deeply ingrained in me or imprinted if that is the word. It sort of feels like home in some ways. A journey, or the sense of journey I can relate to. Very saggy I suppose. Hard to explain.

Got my water distiller today, haven't really tried the water yet as the first run ended up tasting like plastic tubes:? It takes forever to finish..Looking forward to having it around.

Very cool:) Strange days, I became extremely angry and somewhat demonic in behaviour after the last push I mentioned. A real vicitm pitfall, i should have broken through myself but I messed up and caught the wrong peoples attention.

[/color]
Edit:

Astrojewels, I saw the full moon today:? I have seen it days before but i guess that might have been an almost full moon or something.. I dont really pay attention to the technical stuff. I dont like the moon anymore.icon_rolleyes

[HeadSpace]

This demon stuff is getting heavy, I almost see a rash developing on my solar plexus area:?

Just so much manipulation. And astral stuff that has been going on.

Just not something I can talk about to people if they ask me how I'm doing:P

[HeadSpace]

I just realized after all hell ended and harmony and peace was restored that I actually like war and feel bored when it's all over:? I see I've actually enjoyed these days of horror. That is not healthy, I shall change that.

I do like adventure:) I will find something to do that will make my life less boring now.

I dont think there will any tattoos for me, but I do think me oversoul thinks the archangelic is the most appropriate one. I'm not sure though. I will make it anyways.
I also know that I do not really want a tattoo, but sometimes it feels tempting..
When things get intense and I feel I could use some aid.. But it always works out. I've learned lot these last days, weeks. About myself.

[HeadSpace]

Can astral being remove programming in people? Just a question
Would really appreciate an answer.

[HeadSpace]

My astral attachment is threatening to remove my programs..

[Mercy Now]

HeadSpace, IMO an astral entity cannot remove your programming. The astral, generally speaking, is extremely deceptive.