HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[Polly]

This is all very interesting, HeadSpace. 

HeadSpace wrote: "But what if this is connected to what I wrote about regarding my alters?"

I would say it is connected.  My name and/or me appears to have quite the significance for you.

[HeadSpace]

Thank you:) 

Since I made that post I have retrieved something:D I've got more personality:P
Whohooicon_megagrin

Well, I noticed there is something there when I first joined this forum:)
But I'm not sure I can trust it to be a good thing, that voice had a sneaky toneicon_confused
I will ask my oversoul when I have developed my connection. Actually, when I look at your name and your signature I see something that feels familiar, I dont know what that means or where it comes from, it might not be anything as I have seen such things before which I am sure was mostly programming.

But I often see all kinds of stuff in everything, or just strange linking. Some strange correlation between the visual and my processing, I've had some weird times:P Probrably programming, but it sometimes seem as I can utilize it for my own purposes. I mean thoughts/solutions appear without reasoning or logic.

Btw, I just did merging the cube and I noticed that I tend to visulize to the right, it gets pulled to the right. And when I covered my eyes and placed it correctly I noticed a big difference when I finished even though I struggled trough the exercise. Had a hard time keeping the images together for some reason.

[Polly]

HeadSpace, programming can only energetically hook onto something that is already there.  That is where the feeling of familiarality comes from.

 

[Rod]

Headspace, I tried your oversoul connection to activated genetics thats most relevant to me, and within seconds I had an archetype appear in my vision. I recalled seeing it before, it was fiery gold, so I went to the healers handbook, and it was 'Controlled Kundalini Activation'. I'm like wtf! So i asked oversoul to control it more so I don't burn up, for the last few hours my spine have been tingling a little, have to ground myself now.

I believe this is a positive change though, its 6:30am and usually im up at 9:30am, and im already full of beans.

Thanks for your kind words on my avatar!

[HeadSpace]

Polly: I was thinking about that earlier, useful knowledge:)

Rodrigo:

That sounds wonderful, I'm slightly scared of the kundalini stuff. I think I've played around with it before and I got burned.

Really great to hear people are making progress:D

I should probrably ground myself more, I've been living without any groundig for a long time:P

Really love your name too:)

[Polly]

HeadSpace, going back a bit, you wrote about your relationship with your father and your thought that he is your handler.  It might be a good idea to record in this diary your interactions with and reactions to him as they happen in order to see the patterns more clearly.  Do you think your father has alter personalities and amnesia surrounding them?

[HeadSpace]

Actually, at the time I came out of the worst fog and I sort of reclaimed my own mind after being chased by all sorts of stuff. I broke trough a barrier and got out of an alter, I then experienced new freedom and decided to visit my father and my little brother who lives with him when not with his mother.. I was actually happy because i had retrieved lost personality and remembered  new bits of childhood and managed to gather some sense of family towards him:) As he got used to me being there I noticed him being irritated regarding something and I asked him to confront me if it was me it was about. I did this because I was tired of lies and barriers, we have never spoked in my entire life and he stays in his mind all the time (which I tend to do myself, and have done all to much for quite some time). Never sharing anything, extremely private and bottles up stuff.

So I encouraged him to say whatever he wanted and my thoughts were very strong so I nonverbally asked him to let it all go:P

And he spent the rest of the day yelling and stuff, I couldn't do much besides just smiling and focusing on the violet bubble:? I didn't do this to be mean, I guess you would suggest thhat I talked to the guy and i did try my best. Its impossible, and I found walls in there which seem downright ridiculous. No reason, no logic. No room for observation at all, it is insaneicon_ahhh

He then ended the whole thing talking badly about my mother and then I snapped and threw my fist in the table, my tigereye bracelet brokeicon_doh

They did not have a great relationship, she is a virgo by the way..If thats of any importance, while my father is pisces..Opposites?

But the thing with me and him is not really easy to explain.

I actually got mars in piscesicon_lol A weird one.. A little weird how astrology plays out in families, while he's got his in aries..I guess thats a horrible mixicon_confused

[HeadSpace]

I woke up an hour ago, I noticed things were different.. As time went by I started babbling to my little brother and I noticed I were acting out this old persona:?

I'm here now too, a bit cold, enthusiastic, cut off and very heavily into conspiracy stuff:P

I didn't sleep to well and there was some satanic stuff going on, I got a block on visualizing at some pointicon_muede

A front alter I think, but at least I am aware of it, is that normal? That one is aware of the shifts? Or is it not an alter perhaps? Feels cut off from the rest.

And I did not answer regarding my father having alters, it's possible but I cant think of anything as I've never actually talked to him or got to know him.

[Polly]

HeadSpace, if you are aware of shifting into different personality states that is good.  There can be an observer alter.

So your dad has been absent from your life for the most part and you feel you don't know hm.

[HeadSpace]

An observer alter?
I do not know what you mean, but there is something weird somewhere because regardless of who I am or where I am, I am still not the guy who is acting out. Rather something far back just watching. But I thought this was normal, I guess it should be a connection or alignment there. But I can see myself shift through different personas and not be able to do much about it:?

I've been playing around with my head a bit before I read up on programming and mind control so I guess I have developed in strange ways.. But if I am active and focused on the outside stuff I can get caught up in it and diminish that observer thing.

You're right, I do feel that I don't know him. What is really annoying is that sometimes I act like him with details and all, and then some kind of mental thing points that out to me and smiles tauntingly:P I used to let that make me mad, but I dont think it is real. It might be a part of me.:(

And btw, Does anyone know what kind of genetics were dominant with the vikings?

That observer thing dissappeared now, I made myself a smoothie with a lot of vitamin C and I got very chatty, and a little hyper:D

Edit:

A little coincidence..As I shifted in to that different persona my father just arrived in town:? He visited here to pick up my brother just now and it seems the distance between whatever compartment it is and my main personality is diminshing:(

I guess that is a sign of him fitting the role as a handler?

Edit2:

He offered to help me fix my bike, and thats nice though:) Haven't got the drivers license for cars yet as the price is about 3000 dollars down here and I'm still in the process of finding something that pays:?