HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

While walking around the house I notice something is there which is related to him, I now asked my oversoul to cut whatever manipulative bond he has over me and I immediatly felt better, more alive and freeicon_rolleyes

He did have a very restraining effect on me throughout the years and sort of held people down and i do not lie when I say that he once said that in order to help people he must break them down to build them up again. (in his way) Poorly explained and out of context, but I clearly see some reptilian logic there and in other qualities. He also had a very restraining effect on my mother, sort of suppressing people I guessicon_confused

[HeadSpace]

I focused and tried to pull off one of silverinfinitys images, the one with the golden aleph with royal blue circle, violet diamond, merger and infinity symbol. I came halfway through when I think I sensed oversoul and asked it to activate the sequence.. Something happened and I feel very good, strong clear difference. Very integrated:D

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

The dominant Viking genetics were Aldebaran, these genetics are strong, stubborn and those who carry these today are often multi programmed because of the mind-patterns held during their individual life-stream experiences.  

Astrology is a very important factor when analyzing ‘programmed families’ it tells you a lot of information and the accessibility to each individual, your fathers Aries mars is more dominant than your Pisces mars, yet you are a Sagittarius sun and he is a Pisces, therefore your relationship can be a bit like two magnets pushed together, but Pisces and Sagittarius can be very connected as well.

With that said, to develop a sense of stability with your father, it is firstly important that you stop holding any guilt or responsibility for his behavior, this is often the reason why so many people can not get past parental issues, you had no control over whatever happened between your parents.

The difficulty with Sagittarius and Pisces in the sun is the mutable quality, so both signs tend to ‘mutate’ to each other, and eventually the individual can not be themselves when around the other person, they loose this ability and tend to trigger the other very quickly, especially with expression involving emotional problems.

Even though Pisces is a relatively placid sign, when approached with a critical intent (when you talked with him) that Aries mars would just jump right out, your Pisces mars would take a step back and the confrontation would be worse than when it started, both signs take words and feelings very personal.

If you really do believe he is your handler, you can not approach him with feelings of the father/child connection, or he will always dominate and never admit any wrong doing because if he is your handler you are programmed to be under him.

[HeadSpace]

I stopped even thinking of him as a father a while ago, but that shift I talked about gave me new appreciation of family and I wanted to be nice I think:?

But you're right that when I was his "kid" there seemed to be a sick need to supress and control.

Good to know about the viking genetics, I was wondering since they left such an impression on people, and I feel they had a strong culture. it may be my programming but i also feel a connection to some occultic stuff regarding them. I wonder how the dragon symbolism got in.

I see what you mean by mutating towards others, I do it and I've seen my father acting the same way:? Quite annoying. Like someone/thing is pulling me into acting certain ways and stuff. That is a little sad actually. When those scenarios occur and I try to break free I have to use energy to override it and then the other people sometimes seem to get weird:P

I do not feel any guilt over his behavior towards me, or his behaviour in general as it is not my responsibility. I dont feel any guilt regarding his behaviour towards my mother either, it's just that sometimes when he attacks her I get a really angry feeling coming from nowhere.

[Polly]

HeadSpace[/color]]
... and i do not lie when I say that he once said that in order to help people he must break them down to build them up again. (in his way)

Interesting.  This sounds like the way a programmer would think.  I'm not saying he is one but how many people do you know who would say something like this?  That is a very uncommon way to think of others.

[HeadSpace]

Well, some say there is no such thing as a normal person.. But of all I've met I see him as strange.

Idustrial may be a fitting description, I'm not sure:? Very concerned with order and discipline although he lacks it himself. He is full of contradictions, he cant say anything without contradicting himself:P

[HeadSpace]

Just wanted tt osay that I've listened a lot to music over the years, and iespecially liked that music which changed my head so to speak. Where you really get the imagination going or just leave whatever you had:P

Anyways, I just stumbled upon a song of Enya on youtube which I have heard before called Carribean Blue, I like it, it spawns some very strange beautiful feelings in me relative to the mushrooms..Some music sort of makes little flashbacks:D

I do think the music is heavily influenced by stuff, I always wondered what the deal was with her and that she didn't seem to be quite human:? But I got over that, she also has a song called aldebaran by the way..

Those mushrooms can create some truly dramatic stuff, like feeling all possible feelings at once. It can be quite interesting and beatutiful, and hard to forget sometimes when memories show up.

I'm not in love with her or her music, but sometimes little fragments spawn huge feelings and mental scenarios. Those psychedelics can really create extreme experiences. An it is annoyingly hard to explain.

I also saw one day how much of the music coming out of the acidpool has loads of astral attachments or manipulative energies to it, I think that is part of what makes it so special. Like all sorts of energies are pushing everything in place, and the artists really just are open portals or something. I know that may sound unlikely or weird but that is what I see in some cases.

Weird thing about that stuff is that I could be babbling on for ages, I'll never get finished..

Edit:

I wondered if I should delete this post since I feel I should not write it, mixed feelings. Thats annoying, indecisiveness. Like ones different parts disagrees.

It might not be constructive or interesting, i really dont know..I'm just very chatty today, Had a marvelous day by the way:D

Ok, I guess this is all programming, I'm sorry..

[Polly]

HeadSpace, my friends and I used to trip out on the music of the early 70's when we were teens.  I often have flashbacks of certain songs being used in my programming.

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Normal is overrated, and I do not personally know anyone with a normal life, normal partner, kids etc, everyone has their own story. Your father is connected to a different generation, a different era of communication, you may not be able to ever change him, but you can change yourself and not allow him to affect you, and it is universal law that we choose our parents, the reason is often left unknown but we do.

It is great that you have had such a good day, that is wonderful and yes music is a gift for all of us, it has such an affect on our body, mind and spirit, and it is no coincidence that you find songs that reflect your mood or challenge, and then years later you hear that song and it reminds you of that. Loving your diary by the way, is it helping you?

[HeadSpace]

Thank you:)
Yes, I think its helpful..Things have changed for the better since I started it. Every day since have shown me something new:D

I've never really talked much, so I guess it means something:?

Polly: I've been quite addicted the old 60's stuff myself:P And I dont deal well with it these days, it makes me feel strange and things just float off. Probrably why I liked it.
I was/am also very fond of jimi hendrix and I always felt some strong connection there. I believe he was programmed with greenstar, there are information out there regarding him which points to this. A lot of cool music from those days, even though I'm sure it is loaded with subliminals like swerdlow says.

I also feel my hair standing up everytime I hear certain types of rythms or types of music. I'm not sure, something weird. And it always does that projection thing where my visual field sort of corresponds with the music.

I visited my father today, and I didn't get any trouble.. But I noticed things change around him..  

I'm grateful that I found this forum:)