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These last couple of days have been very strange, I've walked between several programs and alters daily:P
But I released a lot, today when I showered I was sort of in a different/old me and I glimpsed my sexuality:D
I got a little spooked though, I'm not quite sure what I should do with it:?
Not quite sure if thats true either, since I get conflicting feelings when I write it.
I almost got a little of that same sex thoughts and feelings too. But I do not really like that.
I got a new appreciation for my body too:)
I think I need to balance the sexual energies, because I sometimes find myself acting very feminine.. And sometimes too masculineicon_rolleyes The times I feel sexual I actually get very feminineicon_omg That is sort of weird, and I sort of have some hostile feelings toward the male sexuality. But then again I also feel it is not true as I can see how it could be a good thing. I think this might have something to do with how the male sexuality is being portrayed in the world.
I'm not quite sure:)
Anyways, I feel a lot better:)
Still uncomfortable with the physical thing though.
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Sorry if the vibes got weird:?
I had some strange dreams last night and a programming/deprogramming dream.
Some part was me with other people and one girl in particular, the girl was troubled and I was very interested in her. The main thing is that I found a room at the top floor of something with a computer and a panel with a keyhole, I used the key two times. I think I stopped the first time but remembered when I did it before that it worked and then I unlocked it. I think I may have seen the power symbol somewhere there..
Dont remember much after this. Another part was a bunch of folks wearing something like the stormtroopers outfit only more clumsy and more like the toyrobots you find at toys r' us, they/we were robbing a big building. The doors were very tall royal blue or navy blue, probrably the first one. One of the folks dropped something while he was about to go through one of the doors, I or someone else then said that he must be careful when bending over to get it so that his eyes dont fall out. The eyes were like big disks laying horizontally in the sockets:?
Before i got to bed I experimented with the power symbol and I made a powersymbol and healing N symbol to keep under the bed. After trying to fall asleep for a bit I visualized the powersymbol at the pineal gland and I then felt like a huge switch had gone off, or on. Like I fell from a trance or that I dropped several floors down. Much more physical. very strange.
Throughout the night I had a much more tolerant attitude towards the astral idiots lurking around.
When I woke up I was slightly grumpy and cold, after a while someone turned the tv on where there was a nature show with wildlife and stuff. i noticed I reacted strongly to the music. Like I did before, but now it was something else like when I was deep into it and could just drown in it as a world on it's own.
At some point I felt some energies that I do not wish to mention, the typical evil thing. But I sensed it more as the master of illusions, I have sensed it before too.
A web of lies and illusion to trap minds and keep them going in circles.
For me it is connected to music:? I think, at least sometimes or in some ways.
I did listen to a classical tune on the telly and that was not like that, just very beautiful.
Also feel a tense pressing as if I'm being pressed into a corner.
yesterday when I woke up I saw something from my past too, I looked out the window and I had that adventurous and fluffy, purely uplifiting vision while looking out the window. I really loved that actually.
--
one hour apart.. I've resolved some stuff and used the brown merger a little, things are improving. I faced some stuff which was good to be able to do.
Tried to make myself a violet bubble to and it did work although I did feel some stings after.
Turns out, I do have some scorpio in my sexuality after all:) Tons..
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After I wrote that statement I became doubtful of it being useful.
I had big ramble with my oversoul where I asked if I should write it.
just remembered another thing, a while back in the summer I when I was in the woodds here I sat down on a cliff and sort of meditated or just hang out. I sort of had a good connection to my surroundings and nature at the time. When I connected I go sort of sexual.. But I think this is just my chakras which are a little off balance.
To be honest, I think my lower ones are being manipulated, I frequently get strange sensations there. For example, sometimes I just get a really heavy dense feeling of hopelessness and sorrow there. other times I get the feeling someone is communicating through my heart chakra and it might get coupled with sexual feelings.
This is far from all, there are a whole bunch of other weird stuff in that story.
I got a glimpse of what I could do with my sexuality earlier too, and I think that is quite beautiful and amazing:)
I've also struggled with my intuition lately, because I've been suspecting there are some bugs there. But I seem to have a whole bunch of different "voices" or inputs.
Some times it's just a load of bull but then it's fairly obvious whats going on but other times I can have a lot of seemingly useful stuff to. Everytime i write there seems to be several streams that claim my attention and they end up fighting for my attention, or maybe I'm just indecisive.
I think it is both, or the first feeding off my indecisiveness..
Oh, and I have thoughts fall into my head with solutions like someone is handing them to me. or if I'm thinking of something or wondering, the solution falls into place.
Since I've starting wondering about my own mental health I became sceptic about that and what or who it might be..
In short, I've come to question my own intuition. Whatever it is, it has helped me many times. But as I may shift between programs and alters the input shifts and sometimes get really messy. Some times I have horrible input instead with really poor ideas and demonic like stuff:?
When I see myself respond to something, I see or feel several layers. And I seem to be an oberver..Sometimes, I'm just an observer without the layers.
I've been creating a lot of confusion lately.
I saw the hypercise dvd last night and didn't really manage to pay attention but I shifted into something at some point and got weird. I was happy, but totally not myself. I tried the power symbol on the left wrist and this might have been the starting point for that weird stuff. I have a weak left wrist, I managed to piss off my dog some years back and it bit me there. And I could get sort of psychotic sometimes when I was younger where I often hit my fists in things. And I have really tiny wrists:P
The thing with my dog was all my fault, best dog in the world:)
I have no idea wether this is constructive, I've just cruised through a lot of weird states and information while writing this..
Hoping it has some constructive function.
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I've had a rough time these last weeks. I woke up in what I thought was an alter yesterday, one with a lot of sexual energy. That faded as the day went by. I noticed that I was much more integrated yesterday than I had been in a long time. I think this may have something to do with dragonfly programming being centered in the brainstem or the reptilian brain, I dont remember.
Ansd stewar said somewhere that this part of the brain is the core and contains the core of our personality. (I think, I might remember it incorrectly)
Had two sexual rituals tonight if not more, I think the whole night was filled with it. Dreams of demonic imagery and sexual stuff. I see very clearly that I am being used for manifestation, it might sound weird but I feel I have a lot of power in that area. So if I'm being used for that I can see why.
But they dont get the full power since I dont direct my own being in theire plan, I mean I don't agree with whatever they are doing. So I should think that would limit the power.
I went to bed somewhat empowered and in contact with lion frequency. Not quite in it but it was around. But I was followed around by something destructive.
After the one ritual I was sort of imprisoned in some weird state and couldn't use my own brain properly.
I also had voices and someone/thing played with my mind making it project pictures and stuff of very sad stuff. Not fun, being afraid of my own mind.
I woke up feeling the world was very physical and more so than usual, more dense.
Felt more like my old self from when I was living with my father. Which I think is connected to the dragonfly program anf the other sexual stuff. The funny thing is, he came to town today and was in picking up my brother. After he left I felt empowered and as if he gave my something. I mean, I sort of lifted a depression, no feelings involved in the visit just him picking up my brother and about two words exchanged. that was it.
Before he got here I did the merger a couple of times and the manifestation archetype of a fully merged personality and sent it up to oversoul.
After he left I tried some stuff, more merger and the royal blue circle and dot. The circle and dot didn't really kick in. But I felt enthusiastic and played around, I've also made myself a background image on the computer with the merger, the manifestation archetype with the fully merged personaliity, circle and dot, lion frequency and the strip of the different alephs:)
For the first itme I managed to visualize royal blue which gave me much joy and changed my mood completely. I then tried the violet aleph wih royal blue dot and i was further uplifted, then the brown one and I sort of came down a little:P
I kept playing around with this stuff until my mother came, as parents and a couple (or as people in general) they do not get along very well.
When she came and we spoke my mood and personality was falling apart and I could tell she became depressed..She has some slight issues with depression and stress.
The point is that I think I had empowered my fathers genetics or something, something from him which I also have. And when she came she just got depressed in the same way I saw her when she was with him.
She also called earlier in the day and I felt hurt just by hearing her voice, not emotionally but energetically. This has happened before too.
I know this has o do with my father somehow, it is obvious.
It seems the mix of theire genetics created a split in me and possibly my siblings too.
They never had a healthy relationship.
A lot of issues.
Wondering how I can merge these frequences in myself. I think that would make a great difference for me.
A breakthrough:D
I am also very sorry if the thread got messed up at somepoint. Different places and states. Not all good. Just had a de ja' vu writing this line:P
I love the hyperspace stuff, i'll get myself some of those blindfolds soon. I've been sabotaging my visualisations by focusing too hard and being scared of what I thought was poeple/creatures. But I think that might have been me third eye chakra being tuned into astral rather than hyperspace. I noticed now as I shifted to royal blue I became really really happy:) And it all became much easier.
Royal blue rocksicon_biggrin
I also remember running up and down stairs in my dreams tonight.
Very cool
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I thought it was about breaking through limitations:) It was/is what I see here. But thats just me, I am not in the position where others depend on me.
If anything I guess it would have been the opposite so far..:? And I also feel a little uncomfortable with having people hang on to me. Although I would really love to Have a family at one pointicon_liebhab I feel it would be different with a family.
That thought has become more and more prominent during the last year for some reason.
I do see what you mean by people not comitting or being unable to be there..I'm not sure how to describe how I see that issue, I guess you said it best. It's funny, I haven't really been that great myself in those areas. Have had my mind elsewhere.
Btw, I just got my greenstar turned on again. I have been fairly rooted and centered the last days. I became slightly depressed out of the blue this morning when I got some bad news. I psyched myself up and dared to make myself a cup of coffee, that might sound weird but I'm picky about my health and food intake and I have been extreme on those subjects before. Anyways, coffee make me psychotic and sometimes it can get as bad as amphetamine.
I decided to watch the blue blood true blood dvd, and I was swooshed right out into greenstar. It's just weird, it happens without coffee too. I get so much energy and lose all grounding. I feel separate realities and project everywhere without even thinking.
There's also this part of me that constantly seeks company either physical or nonphysical, had that since I was young where I often felt someone was watching me.. Anyways that part of me often just shoots out projections anywhere and I might end up contacting some weird bunch on a star somewhere.
Whats a little bit fun about that mess is that I feel the physical reality is a little sandbox and I feel as if I am above it all. Which I feel is sort of true too. Or just not in the physical anymore, as in the physical being a projection itself and all..
Too much energy. It is insane. Really dangerous too.
I sometimes feel someplace in myself, an endless extreme energy and it is hard to contain it, it's like an explosion. As if there is a river lurking in me waiting to burst forth, most times it is either shut off or just on a rampage. I think this might have something to do with my mars. When that energy is active I see in between dimensions or something. It's easiest for me to use it in a nonphysical way. Hard to describe the intensity of that energy. It was that which I used with music it sort of amplifies the music and vice versa. Emotional energy perhaps. I'm seriously tired of astral. I'll never go there again.
Sorry about all this writing:?:)
Edit:
AJ:
Thank you for the reply:) that sounds logical. I never thought of her as programmed, but the last days I started wondering if she is. She is very grounded, a virgo. I mean sometimes it surprises me how grounded she is. So I figured that meant she was not programmed:? But as I asked myself/oversoul the question after reading your post I'm fairly sure it meant you are right. But I am positive my father has something, there are things in my life which guarantees it. I wonder where greenstar came from.
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Headspace,
Please do not every apologize for what you have written, it is good therapy! Those with greenstar have been targeted, triggered and confused over the past few weeks; it was a global energy due to the election and the financial strains of the world, so I can tell you that you are not alone with your feelings.
It is a real challenge for you to have this programming and also have the Aries node, this node is not about people ââ¬Ëhangingââ¬â¢ on to you, it is actually the complete opposite, it requires you to be very non judgmental and it works in a method that you support the person in order to promote them to become independently structured.
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That makes sense, I've been having flashes of obama thrown in my head the last week:P And I dont really pay attention to that stuff either. It also coupled with a horrible typically american tune they play in a commercial over here. It is just sounds so extremely american to me. Quite awful:? Not that I have anything against americans.
What you say about the node makes sense. But I dont see how it would be a bad fit with greenstar, I mean I dont know if greenstar has any qualities at all in regards to personality.
But this greenstar bit in me is very strange, not quite earthly either, I have a very abnormal energy there. Or maybe it is just me, probrably just enhanced through the program.
Would advise anyone with astral problems to cut out coffee:D
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I canââ¬â¢t tell you how to give up coffee, I have never in my life had a cup! Strange yes to some!!
Greenstar programming works best in those who have lived past life-streams in a continual survival mode, this is why it holds strong in the aldebaran, Viking, Germanic etc. The Aries node works freely in those with communal past life-streams like lyraens and atlans- a diplomatic energy.
It is not bad, but can be conflictive, those with the aldebaran genetics ââ¬Ëgenerallyââ¬â¢ have no second base! They often lack the ability to be diplomatic, so first base is considered the position of saying nothing/doing nothing and third base is action without thought, therefore the survival energy kicks in, if this makes sense? Those with this genetic structure are a power to be reckoned with, they are usually physically strong, have very little fears of physical confrontation.
Nothing is bad, the tools you have in life are there for a reason, you just need to learn how to master them.
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That makes sense, perfect sense.
It describes me pretty well actually, it is as if I cant actually function unless it is war so to speak or unless I'm confronted. The times I do work well I'm behaving slightly military. But I have had balanced periods as well:) the woods and focusing on meditation and balance of thought and breath works wonders on that. I've had many different stages in this life, like different persons I guess.
Although I am not physically strong, I sort of have a button I can push if is needed:P So I know I would have no problem defending myself if needed.
Just different parts of myself. And my strength can shift too, it's just a little complicated. It's all about the mindpattern I think..
I can see how I might have been a warrior, as sometimes it would be the easiest thing to do. Pretty ideal:)
Stewart mentioned that this life was to make a new beginning for my self.
I thought I should get myself some swords from the eras and cultures I lived and put them on the wallgw_3warrior
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Headspace,
You could say that button is the ââ¬Ëpower stationââ¬â¢ for them to transmit frequency to you, this is how they keep people altered- that past life-stream state of mind, like you say a military type of feeling, you are always expecting the unexpected!
This mind pattern creates a habit in life to resist enjoyment, having fun and just relaxing, to be able to relax you actually have to focus through meditation or alike.
If you place ornamental pieces of that era it actually could enhance that mind pattern, I think you really need to do some past life regression and find who you were, and what you did do during that era.
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