HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

I had the strangest experience of my life today:)

I was sitting at the computer trying to get my mind to work and visualize and it was seemingly impossible. Compulsive thoughts and all.

I was talking to my oversoul while I came across a question on the expansions site mentioning stacking templates. Stewart mentioned that it would be wise to be aware and cautious about what and how many templates we have on us at a time.
That it could be overwhelming if mixed inappropriatly.

I've been walking around with a lot of different templates so I tried picking out the ones I felt was most important and I sensed a great difference.

Now I dont remember if it was before or after I did this but I connected to something which I thought was my oversoul. But my grandfather came into focus several times in a way I have not experienced before. Up until now I have been acting mean and cold towards those who have left this plane, I was just not ready or willing to let that kind of thing happen.

Either my oversoul was much more connected or my grandfather was, I had emotions:) And there was some communication. I was connected whie writing the previous post, that I remember.

While driving (a motorcycle) I was very very sensitive and felt myself or my history in every piece of the city and the tone of my motorcycle had a very strange and sometimes unearthly impact on me. No way explaining that, I felt myself deep deep down. Bits and pieces that have been left untouched as far as I know, I do not even know what it was. Just a very strange feeling. Like shifting through different parts of my soul. Mainly this personality, I think. Didn't regsiter anything else but it felt as if there are huge amounts that I am not aware of.

I also think I felt the archangelic frequency, me while every alter and subpersonas that stuff is floating along. Seeing through myself. Had a strange perception of my environment too as if I was back after a good while..Seems like a lifetime. The last 5 years feel strange, not like years at all. Different lives and completely fragmented.

When I parked my bike I suddenly felt very more like me. I had my main personality there for a while and that is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
it continued a while after I went inside. From there my past for the last 5 years seem very bizarre, does not feel like me:?

Things started sliding again, triggers, tv, and most of all while talking to my mother I always seem to slip into something in to some program or alter/sub..That is very annoying.

My body felt completely different, much stronger and flexible, without the old aches and stuff. Alive and strong. That might have been my mindpattern too as I was very enthusiastic and happy.

It is all so very strange, and kind of exciting if not very excitingicon_megagrin

I look very much forward to merging my whole personality.
I feel this is connected to, and no doubt it is, the incident last night.
As I in some moments was wondering wether or not my life was over.

I am also thinking about the merger tattoo again, they use ironoxide and clay in brown and I suspect that is not as destructive as the other colors.

From now on I will have mergers everywhere:)

Before bed last night I tried to get into some angelic frequencies and I tried to use the one for astral and manifestation and I didn't think anything worked but when I went to bed I took with me a bunch of paper and writing utilities, I became very strange. Like a child, and I felt some stuff from my childhood alonmg with some former missing pieces of my sexuality. I felt like the kid in kindergarten who loved drawing.
Then I started hearing voices and I got some weird vibes. I got paranoid and became angry with my oversoul. In short a very strange night. That on top of the really sad stuff earlier which I do not feel like mentioning.

I see this is a lot and I have written a lot here, I guess I can save this thread for myself as a part of my deprogramming journal later. Stewart mentions it is good to keep notes on this, I feel I can relate to amnesia and I think it might be useful to see the different compartments from different angles. Putting the pieces together.
 
I also feel a lot bigger in every way when in the main personality, more presence or stronger/ bigger aura.

Cant seem to stop writingicon_razz

Strange day.

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Please correct me if I am wrong, but there is no need to ‘merge’ your personalities, every person in the world has an array of personalities within the one mind/body/soul and it is important because life evolves with age, circumstances and just opportunity, therefore it is important to have the different layers of the personalities to confront, appreciate and acknowledge the diversity of life, it is important to understand the layering of the personalities therefore you have control of them and they can not be triggered to unmanageable energy.

I also can not agree with tattooing the merger symbol anywhere on your body, ask Rodrigo what it done to him. It is not the actual art of tattooing, but you must be aware that permanent marking of the physical body imprints the mind pattern of the non physical body, it is your body and your choice but please just do some research with an open mind before doing such a thing.

Nice to know you have someone looking out for you in the other world- grandfather.

[HeadSpace]

Thank you:)

I have been trying to find out how I really feel about the tatoo and what my oversoul suggests, there is something within me that screams out everytime I mention it:?

It says it is cheating, I have asked what that part is and several things point to one of my new world relegion alters.

Regarding the thing about several personalities, I know people change and have natural subpersonalities but it is different for me. Up until now I have shifted trhough alters daily, it has been a blur. Very often like between alters and just without any substance at all. The last weeks I have been waking up and there has been programming added. A lot of manipulation:( It has been very frustrating.

Today I tried going to the woods for visualizing and I noticed that it is much much better thre, of course I already knew this somewhere, I have just been stuck in a very strange mindset.

I did not finish the uvpt because it became dark as soon as I woke up this morning and it is freezing here. But I will go to the woods as often as possible from now on.

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

There is nothing wrong with a tattoo, I have one! But it must be something that imprints and heightens the energy of who you are.

The positive thing about the alters that you speak of is you are consciously aware of them, this is not common for a specifically programmed person, and even if you don’t realize until you have come out of that alter, you still are in touch with it.

I can only suggest that you begin a journal with the different alters that you have experienced consciously, have a page for each one recognized, then as you go through them, add the next time you feel the same alter, you will soon put the alters together and the triggers that activate each one.

The key is to find the triggers and then you can control the alters, easy said.

The whole world is in a strange mind set at the moment, the energy is very draining, rapid, and time is a big issue.

[HeadSpace]

I found a siten selling very cheap custom temporary tattoos:) So I thought I would order the merger and lion freq. Will be fun, 3000 tattoos for a 100$ I also thought about having them placed on different places on the body since they all represent different parts of me and different issues. Just an idea.

My oversoul has helped me extensively the last couple of days and I have traveled through old memorys and places, tonight after my oversoul merged for me I got into one of the older places that I think is connected to sexual ritual, a little dark place but somehow homy. But I am merging and nothing seem to last.

I have been blasted with elf today and when that happens it is actually hard to stay awake, it pulls me into a trance and almost knocks me out. Sometimes while I try to talk my way out of it to my oversoul I found my self saying things that were working in the opposite direction, like self destruct stuff:? That and seeing unfamiliar symbols.

I made myself friend with the lion before sleeping last night and had a lion dream I think, what I remember is probrably the end but it did not feel like a dream. I was conscious, almost. I think I was being surrounded by a bunch of lions and I felt myself and my reality was quite small, like I'd been shrunk or something. Or just compressed, I have no way of explaining.

When I woke up I felt/saw the presence of et's and they might have been some of those classic ones, the greys. Tried to go to the woods to today to do the uvpt and I just felt I attracted a lot of attention and I can sort of see presence when that happens. It was dark and I got uncomfortable:(

Also tried the superstrenght manifestatin archetype yesterday before bed and it really really worked but that dream screwed things up and I woke up feeling the vibes from my breakdown some days earlier.

Also, I'm not totally sure but I might have been communicating with some relatives which have passed over.  The pplace I found today is sort of a relief in some ways because it is much more settled, a calm family centered place but I know it contains other stuff too.

I see it in the shadows. I guess that would be quite literal too:P

Also had a strange effect from the archangelic and the 9nth angelic card today as I picked it up before going to the woods. I saw my body had a stronger glow, a white light. A piece of paper with the uvpt also glowed really much, I've seen this before, it depends on my mood and energy levels and it is most present in my nwr and greenstar alters. I guess it is aura. I would like to see colours:) A relief of depression and insecurity also followed by wearing the cards, and I found myself a pair of violet gloves:D It seems they actually worked on me too.

I think I sense others projections unto me, at least sometimes. Things point to it.

Along with very little sleep the last days and extreme elf I have gotten some kind of yucky feeling in my left hemisphere, like I've been on speed for a couple of days or somethingicon_look

Just tried the perfecting the pineal archetype by itself in royal blue at  the pineal, it does something and i will continue to use it. There seems to be less pressure there and the process of visualization feels easier.

That which is really really annoying is that when I do not have the uvpt up and running all effort seems to be in vain as everything I do gets flushed away in the elf rain.. Someone on the forum mentioned that telling something to other might cause it to change and I hope this is right:)

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Interesting what you say about speed, did you know there is a ‘speed/crack/meth amphetamine’ frequency?

Anyone who has played or become addicted during a time in their life is very sensitive to this frequency and what it does is re-creates the altered personalities that evolved whilst one took it voluntarily, it does depend on how long and how you took it, but it does structure the feeling of the ‘down’ and the people around you are most affected because one tends to get the blues very deeply.

I know someone who was hit with it severely a couple of weeks ago, and now they are on valium due to what they think was an anxiety/nervous attack.

[HeadSpace]

Funny i should read this right now as I'm probably having one:?
Or something else, I had a download last night:(

I had a mental incident just before the speed effect came on and it is a very sensitive issue for me..

I do not like speed, sounds like a sad frequency.. But I did have a green tea just before and that is also involved, sometimes I am very sensitive to things..

Had something like this half a year ago where I was doing something incredibly stupid involving some astral stuff and I had orgasmic sensation and then had so much energy I thought I could go through wallsicon_afraid

But when I think of it, I am sure it was the attachment. It seems to be involved in this kind of thing, I'm actually pooring sweat right now in a very cold room..

Had a sad day, something were manipulating my thoughts to the point where it gets really edgy.

Also tried to sleep a little and tried to get my oversoul to somehow find another oversoul who could activate the uvpt for me as I was very tired and I've sleeping poorly with a lot of manipulating stuff.  Just thought I should have one night with real sleep so i could replenish my self but my oversoul absolutely refuses to do it for me even though it knows whats going on.

I mean it's really intense elf and I've been acting like a deranged person for days now with a lot of really dangerous stuff and my oversoul still refuses. Has to do with me.

Very funicon_muede

I'm going to get my self some tamarind soon so I guess that will aid the visualization process and probrably my sleep since the pineal is involved there.

Also heard that sleep deprivation damages the pineal or makes it malfunction..

The main issue for me is actually avoiding astral attention, and up til now it has been a really sad thing. That and very jumpy thoughts. I mean I can be extremely jumpy, the numerology stuff fits well there, a decoz report said I was probably jumping around in my head without much focus or stability.. This cant be more true.

Although I have had times where I have been very balanced and focused on stillness but then people think I'm religious or something:?

The alters I suppose.

The time I was eating raw foods really amplified the speed thing, could have limitless energy without even eating sometimes. As if living on air alone, I thought it was living on the energy which is in all things since everything is energy I thought it would be kind of strange to get depleted, or unnecessary. I hope this will change. It has not so far, just the mindpattern that got stuck.

Coffee too is almost equal to speed for me and my behavior sometimes get really hyper and too jumpy. Speed seems to have the opposite effect if I recall it correctly, so much speed I end up catching up with my self again as if in a race or something.

I hope I will get to see a deprogrammer at some point. I have a lot of work to do.
I think it was the mushrooms that got the mutable thing to tip over for me, after that everything was completely flowing.. That has been my life up until now since then and now in regards to me finding out about the programming I am swimming through the matrix.


By the way I asked my oversoul to use the computer of the mind yesterday to help me know shapes and colours to aid me in visualizing. Immediately after I felt a smile and joy coming. I then became totally focused and feeling very systematic in my perception.

And visualizing were a lot easier shapes tooicon_megagrin Along with a very sharp perception like i was unconsciously scanning everything for shapes and mathematics or something. I saw things differently. I still didn't get a hold of the uvpt, because I still was distracted by discarnates.

Eventually things faded out, probably because of manipulations and elf. Someone was counteracting me while I was visualizing:X

But I did get a feel for the visualization though. Will have fun with that when i get the hang of things although I did feel it was kind of unnatural and computerlike, like it was foreign. But I guess its great for language for example.

And martial arts perhapsicon_razz

Wrong timing for me.

Before I heard about programming, I did actually see my matrix. And I already sort of knew.

Connection to oversoul gets tampered with frequently and sabotaged. As if I'm afraid of going for the wrong one or another destructive energy. Someone is also talking to me, someone new or at least they have not done that before. That's discarnates. Not pleasant.

Also another thing which is really sad for me is that I went to a healer over a year ago is connected to the download.

I would probably benefit from being in the woods for a period like a cabin or something. A family member has one but it is right next to a big cell phone tower or somethingicon_rolleyes



 I'm writing a lot of stuff here and I post this knowing that I then release it and go for constructive change.  Just so you know;)

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Sleep deprivation does deplete the pineal, the pineal is designed to secrete melatonin during the night when you should be sleeping the deepest, if your pattern of sleep is interrupted continually then you do not receive the required melatonin, which then structures the inability to actually go to sleep, and also the hormones required to be happy and balance the moods.

This is why shift workers, and teens are incredibly moody- because they tend to sleep during the day, and are awake during the night.  

I think you really need to invest in some orgone to help clear the ELF you are continually receiving.

One of the main objectives toward a person who is specifically programmed is to keep them in an altered state of unhappiness, on a non-directive path, I know life is a real challenge, but try and search for something that can make you laugh and just have a bit of fun.

[HeadSpace]

Thank you:)

Yes I only slept a few hours through the past week, I slept now after another intense night. The thing is that if I read something or get a new idea or new information it has a way of changing my reality very strongly. It is me, my reaction to it of course since I create my own reality.

So it sort of feels like walking on extremely thin ice, best description so far.

My oversoul might have activated the uvpt last night or something before sleep, it was kind of an emergency and I asked for the uvpt or somethinmg else that worked.

I did sleep and I was exhausted. Had a little nightmarish vision while waking up, I was in a little boat with the engine running on very low and I saw through the water and felt very strong fear. This reminded me that I do/did have fear of the water and what is beneath it. Always had a fear of sharks and the big black(blue) sea.

I guess it all represents my subconscious.

And you are absolutely right about the fun part, for many months now it has been something lost. I even have a hard time remembering that it exist sometimes:P

It was midnight when I woke now:? But sleeping really helped.
I have orgone on it's way.

I will also do what I can to get some flow or some sense of direction. I woke up in a different place today/night too, I think my oversoul helped me. Had some spooky thoughts while waking up and I was being manipulated. But things solved itself.

Things will improve:)

[HeadSpace]

Hello:)

I had the weirderst day so far in my life, almost left the earth plane several times:?
But I am now aliveicon_liebhab And I will do everything in order to heal.

Cant say to much, but it was pretty sick. Things were almost as bad as any horrormovie I have seen but worse. But I am alive and that is pretty cool.

Whats a little sad though is that I have been rearranged by that attack, actually wasnt the healer the only one manipulating. There were other but they are shady and dont like attention and I dont wont to bother anyoneicon_neutral

That which got me out was me finding christ:) And it shocked me but I at sometimes acted like an old priest. But I got it fixed. I also made myself friends with God, which I have been kind of avoiding or something. I never really thougt about adressing him/it itself. As I got my notion of god through the pure energy thing and that nothing was more god than anything else, but I did find it and it also saved at the worst times.

Whats a little sad though is that I think I've might have lost stuff. Personality and the likes:( I will heal everything, all I can do anyways. And someone said that nothing is ever lost, stewart I think but I guess that was just in regards to programming.

Whatever the truth is I will find a way. I'm also considering the tattos again as I feel things are quite different.

It was almost it for me and I see I have to work harder. I also gained more insight in myself and my path.

The mayan calendar called me a spectral warrior, from my experience it does seem to fit.

--

about 24 hours later, forgot to post it. I had the same thing again and it's really sad. I have messed up.

I will travel and get myself a christ tattoo as soon as possible. I know that it sounds crazy but you dont know where I come from.

Also had tons of attacks whith dna altering effects. Managed to resist some of it with christ. Others I had my oversoul reverse it, and I got some help from the ari but they confused me. I got them to stop the healer but afterwards they were doing something too, didn't quite get that.

I just have to find the true christ and then I know I will be able to undo the damage.