HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

I am not sure, I saw the new feature. I think I just wanted to try the new colors:)
I'm not quite sure.

I tried smoking again yesterday after being away from it many years. I became tired and weird after the first smoke, but I was grounded . Then I met the neighbor and we searched for his cat. Sad stuff when it's freezing. I hope it is ok.

[HeadSpace]

I had a strange and very violent day yesterday, I was combating the attachment..My oversoul was and is still making a point of some sorts. In bed, I had trouble sleeping, I was having trouble with the attachment again and at some point compulsive thoughts involving a friend appeared, then sexual ones. I then experienced something uncomfortable and strange. A sting of some sorts in the root chakra and then I felt as if my body was changed in a split second, streched, pulled and edited or something. The thought of abduction crossed my mind. Because there were some time issues and memory stuff. I also felt as if I was kind of paralized without the actual paralization. A shock state.

At a later point I grabbed the frankincense bottle and the thougth of my friend appeared again and I burst in to tears. In between the incident and this I tried to think of him and I felt some strange stuff as if there were something new between us. He was a good friend. I am not sure what has happened, it is possible there was a ritual. I am certain he also has monarch and possibly nwr.

 

I am sorry about the vibes in this post. I am trying to figure out what happened, still having issues with the attachment. The thing was to let go of victim mentality, I did that while in a mess and I notice it is easier when facing danger or something. Same thing with death. I am not quite sure myself how this works. But I have fight every second. Theres not much relaxation, when I'm relaxed things fade.

Up until now anyway.

[Astrojewels]

The only vibes I pick up from you post is solitude and isolation. I don’t want to sound harsh, but you are not progressing and still seem to be where you were months ago, maybe more knowledgeable, yet still stuck in between a rock and a hard place!

Do you ever ask yourself what you want out of life? Or what you may want to do? Because if we have no destination then how can we begin our journey? Do you work? Or study? How do you fill your days?

Time can be an enemy, it either holds limitations or monotony, which can become difficult to balance the two, do you fit into either of these? I have no idea what your life consists of, yet spiritual knowledge cannot be complete without it being tested, and this requires us to enter society, to create a barrier of protection and when we have structured a strong protective energetic force, nothing can attach to that energy field.

 

[HeadSpace]

You're right.

I just had a major point thrown in my face before reading this.

Same story over again. Inner child issues:?

 

Monotony..I have been less active lately, I was thinking about taking up studies this year actually. I could use more work:)

I have progressed. I just have not utilized what I have learned.

 

Thank you:) That bit about the energetic force was useful, I see your point:)

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

 

Nothing comes to us by accident, everything has a purpose and when we dwell on the past, it stays with us and continues to feed energy to our mind-pattern, which structures our future. Whatever childhood issues you have, you can never release them from your mind, because you experienced them, no one can totally understand your feelings or experiences, you may find someone to be sympathetic, but it was you alone who had to deal with it. You are here, so this demonstrates that you are/were strong enough to manage your mind and spirit through these issues. Keeping yourself busy is the best place to start, less ‘self-thinking’.

[HeadSpace]

Good advice, I have done nothing but self-thinking for many years now, after those psychedelics everything turned inwards:) And the outside turned into a big haze. Actually what I considered the outside was projections. What Cathy O'Brien said in her trance formation of america lecture on youtube about music gave me some new thoughts last night while I put on some music to test a new setup in a soundsystem.

Music and especially certain kinds as with psychedelic music or certain tones swings and shifts create sort of the same scenery as if I was on psychedelics.

Great lecture I think, I like that woman , she's tough:) i also noticed some strange vibes from phillips. I then came across the thread here which implied him being her handler. I had the exact same thought seeing this. Or something told me.

Thats sad, I hope that works out.

[Astrojewels]

The problem with self-thinking is you only have ‘self’ to debate whatever thoughts you may have, well in a perfect world, no one would disagree or argue, but in the real world, there are 6 billion of us, with 6 billion stories to tell.

You can only find who you are amongst others, seems like a strange approach, yet the power of one can only be achieved through interaction, how else can you attain the rare characteristics of compassion, tolerance and balance.

We all have our different philosophies on life, but we should have a realistic goal in which to strive for, or life just becomes survival, getting through the days to merely pass time.

[HeadSpace]

There's this forum I used to hang out in, I've been there for several years. A psychedelic forum for those interested in such things. I liked it there years ago when I first started out with the psychedelics.. But I noticed very soon that I was slipping away..I still hang out there right up til now.

I have noticed that when I log in there things change for me and there seems to be either alters or programs connected to it. A handler role of sorts perhaps..(?)

I'm about to make a goodbye post there and I have been planning on this for some time, one good thing is that the folks sometimes come to me privately for advice..And there's been some nice exchanges that way:) Recently I talked to one about astral and demonization. My friend most likely has an attachment too.

I think everyone on there is programmed:? A lot of this in the psychedelic scene, I guess it's an easy target for programmers.

Theres one more I would like to contact and talk about this stuff to, we have stuff in common. And theres a handful of people which I feel a connection to. And have much in common..Sometimes the similarity is weird. Things are very obvious..I think I can see right away who is programmed or not..Or maybe a lot of people just have it written in their forehead..This town I live in must have a huge percentage of programmed people. The psychologists here say its hell mentally:? I wonder if theres something underground, the thought struck me one night on lsd while I was walking through town. I felt something, and the scene sort of implied stuff. I think something is here, perhaps in the mountainwalls. I saw a strange explosion one summer in the mountainside and noone mentioned it. I thought it may be a ufo exit...

Theres an old saying here that if you walk up on the glacier you wont come back because theres gnomes living under there or something. We have a big glacier right on top of one of the mountainsides, the one I live on..

Since I just visited that forum, some program activated. My writings here shows it too.

I am also a bit sad when it comes to one person there, I think I activated some of his programs..And after that happened it was almost as if I was seeing myself years back in time with strange similarity..I'm not sure I should tell, but I know his inner self seeks truth. As with the other one I mentioned, good people actually. It seems they just don't get the point or something, as if something is clogging up their inner communication..

Had a breakthrough yesterday, the last days seemed like if I was falling deeper into a mess. But it all led to one thing..It was increasing victim mentality until I finally realized noone would handle the steeringwheel except me. This probably sounds stupid to most. But has been my major issue in this life.

And I picked up the 13 cubed book, I didn't finish it but jumped back and forth to read the about the specific programs. Yesterday I read about the presidential model, it was inspirational. Just now I glimpsed something, a flash. I have seen it before while thinking/reading this book. It's so fast and I cant really see/read it. A rabbit perhaps (not sure) and a really compressed piece of information. then pressure on the left side of head. And I feel slightly more mechanical:P Something weird.

Extremely good piece of writings there, very useful info for me. Shocking too. I noticed I myself had stuff come back from childhood reading it.

I am grateful for her contribution:) It renewed my hopes and faith in deprogramming. I know it is possible. And I know I can be quite good at it too:)

[Mercy Now]

Headspace,  FYI....The presidential model mentioned in that book is a close personal friend of mine. She attributes orgonite to the success she has had in removing herself from the influences of the dark forces and working through her programming . She found the hyperspace work for the most part was only tweaking her programming and reprogramming her.

Also  I think it's safe to say she learned more about her programming from Springmeier and a couple of others that I'm not sure want their names mentioned ,than she did the SS's. 
 Today, she would be one of the first to say not to use the merger symbol.

[HeadSpace]

I thought of this today, I got new hopes regarding merging and reintegrating. And I wrote some stuff in a booklet I have to get some stuff down on paper. I then drew a merger at the bottom of the page. Thoughts then occurred about the strange enthusiasm surroundig the merger was driven by the demonic and or programming. Something is up, but I am not sure what. If it is what stewart says it is, it would be most useful. These could also be manipulation to get me moving towards your conclusion regarding the merger.

I'm out for the truth, I'm not saying you're wrong:) The times I have made it work it gave me the effect as if I was coming down from an activation..Actually, it was one time. I have been very much blocked in visualizing.

I had breakthroughs as I mentioned. I reintegrated stuff. I found my will. Strength. Then manipulation. Now the programming and/or demonic are trying to confuse me, get me thinking this whole thing is just manipulation and that I haven't gone one feet further..It is designed to keep me going in circles. I have been doing so for some time:?

Yesterday, after many days and weeks actually in a supressed state which I thought was purely demonic stuff I sinked into a hole..I saw 13:55, 14:55 then 15:55 then 05.55 and so on during the day. I thought this could either be programming or oversoul. Someone said it might mean change. Change is what happened. i was very manipulated at one point and I got home just sitting down sort of just relaxing as if in the middle of crossfire.I find it is often the easiest thing to do..Then I noticed I was there. Either I came out of an alter or a program deactivated.. Something happened. I now have my will back, and strength:) But things are again sliding and trying to get me doubt everything, this path normally leads to a point where I doubt everything and fear to make simple choices. Then it evolves until everything breaks down and I start again, often with a lesson learned or two:P

I might have been overloaded or something.

I would like to get the merger verified, I am not sure how that could be done.

I dont trust the eris stuff, I think that one is a bit weak.

But the package stewart is providing seems to good to be true, and it would sort of fit if there are some kind of sabotage like that. I just got stopped by something:P Maybe I am on to something, who knows. I bet theres some catch or hole in that package but I have no idea if it is the merger..

I wonder if I go back with them or something, they do not like me. Some kind of scene is playing out here, programming. I am sorry:)

To be honest, I'm not sure about this thing. There seems to be something here. I read you and another traced the archetypes back to a radionics machine.. That was strange. Before this I also felt a strong connection between you and the other one who saw that. I sensed a very strong link between you two. Not sure what that means..Right now, I think I broke a stream of what I was programmed to write or something. Something implied so, that is most likely manipulation too. What kind of program would reveal itself like that. That is weird. That stuff seems to help me sometimes. It might be a program or influnce from the demonic meant to get me relying on outside sources for help and guidance..Sabotage then. I'm having a weird night, implants activated while visiting that forum I mentioned, that is what is messing with me. Implants. Those are annoying:D

I will find the truth about the merger.

Edit:

I know the T-bar work I have gotten beautiful effect from it, I should know because I have been extremely unstable and bipolar. It is real:)

And I got some good vibes from the sexual archetypes as well, I think those are real.
Something is trying to confuse me right now, makes sense you pop in right now as my faith in deprogramming just got back into place and I knew I already was at the goal-line. You could be programmed into writing this right now you see:P

I am very mutable, my programming has relied on that. Can be annoying.

There's either very weird and unusual sabotage programs or it can be the attachment which has been lurking and trying to make me dissociate myself. I'm thinking about some stuff I have not mentioned which has to do with more physical things.

Like when I breath, it sometimes feels and sounds as if the breathing is from elsewhere and not me. Same with my own mind and thought, I can star making an affirmation and the half of it feels as if it comes from a part of my mind I cannot control..Reaching for a cup of water, when it looks/feels like if someone else is doing it. Same with talking and that is very disturbing when communicating with people.

When I flush with violet or hold the implants in violet this stops.