HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

Didn't sleep to well last night, probrably slept about one hour put together, I was and still am in some sort of compartment I think:? Experienced the same thing 2 months ago where I seem to go blank, as in all data disappears and I seem to be noone, without personality or anything:( I think this one started after the stomach thing.

Also lost whatever connection I had to oversoul. That feeling of dwelling upon a river of sorts or that there is depth, is gone..More a really tense empty spaceicon_ahhh

Cant seem to connect to lion frequency either..

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Somewhat later..
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Improving slightly, seems like the same place I was before I got that shift I wrote about earlier in the specifically programmed thread..

The problem is, that I'm very unstable. My reality can change numerous times everyday and continue like that for as long as I let it.. In regards to astrology, I guess I'm very mutableicon_2rollsmilie Or not, I'm not an astrologer:P No air and no real earth, except for some capricorn as ascendant and the sign for neptune.. Doesn't help:? From my own experience I also get the impression that ascendants are the face you show the world, or a mask of some sort. Appears in public.

I'm trying to get into lion frequency and hoping that it will help, but I haven't been able to get in that frequency lately, I managed to pull off a hit one night and that worked really well (I think)..

This might be a front alter or something, where did it all go?
And just to get it out there, I was weird before I read up on programming and I was trying to fix myself then too..I've seen the matrix many times..It's there, always in my face, long before I read about this stuff. I think someone did a lousy job here, or maybe it is failing..or programmed to break down..I see through it, at different levels, not all conscious. Painstakingly artificialicon_omg

Sleep has also become something I do not look forward to anymore.


Edit:

i would be very inerested in hearing about where you find the pineal, I know people say the center of the head at the level of the third eye which is supposed to be just above and between the eyebrows...But I still dont really get what you mean, so far I've used what I consider to be the center of the head and hoping for the best, just sort of visualizing the pineal.. Any ideas on this, anyone?

[Polly]

HeadSpace, look up a picture of the brain on the Internet which names where the pineal is located.  Then you will have a visual.

Concerning feeling unstable and your reality shifting many times daily, what makes you feel stable?

[HeadSpace]

Self:) Not fun going around feeling like a baloon:?

[Polly]

HeadSpace, I tend to be mutable, too.  My reality used to constantly shift and still does sometimes.  Actually, I am feeling very spacey and listless today and I have no motivation to do anything.  :) 

Over ten years ago some of my programming began to surface but at the time I had no idea such programming even existed.  I drew a series of pictures during that period.  One of the pictures had me in it, with one leg tethered to a rope and the rope was tied to an anchor on the ground while I floated in the air.

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Did you locate the pineal?

 

The reason why you are feeling unstable is because you are starting to learn more about programming, and actually making the choice to control it, rather than the altars automatically evolving from activations and triggers.

If you are a good sleeper usually, the insomnia is a common symptom, and also the feeling that Polly describes of being pulled from the earth and air energy, that is your physical and non physical bodies starting to merge with you in the navigator’s seat. What you are experiencing is what stops people deprogramming, it is hard work mentally, physically and emotionally and if you find the techniques draining to your psyche, don’t do them, just focus on self for now.

The other thing that one must watch during this process is isolation, try not to isolate yourself too much, but be careful who you let in at the moment as there will be a handler somewhere just waiting to help you through your tough times.  

[HeadSpace]

I found some pictures and noticed the pineal is further back than I thought..I tried placing the merger there and things improved greatlyicon_megagrin

I think I need to turn down the intensity, I guess I can be very intense. Extreme would probrably describe me well sometimes. I experimented with some symbols and stuff yesterday and things got out of handicon_datz My eyes changed, they weren't really mine. Like someone on speed:P And they were at some point black as with mushrooms.

While trying to sleep I continueously fell into a weird hypnotic state which I get sometimes where thoughts, words, images and stuff comes floating while i sort of blank out..That kept me gasping for air so to speak so that when I finally was about to fall asleep I noticed all that foreign stuff manipulating me and wakes up again:?

That and, when I finally got some sleep, it was half conscious while dreaming satanic stufficon_eek


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I wrote that earlier..so in the meantime new posts arrived:)

That picture sounds fascinating, seems like a familiar scenario.

I hope what you say is right Jewels, that it's phase. Because things are pretty weird. I think I might do well with incorporating more activities in my life, I've actually isolated myself a great deal so less contact sounds horrible to me at this time:?

Somewhere there is very strong feelings of isolation which for me is very painful, I think it is connected to the monarch alter...if there is one, starting to wonder where my real personality went.

I was thinking about who my handler might be, I suspect my father is one. Both me and my sister can react in really sad ways around him. He can make me loose all sense of calm and make me go psychoicon_rolleyes I'm not blaming him, but some stuff from childhood are also connected to him... hes not a bad person really, but I cant communicate with him, and he can start a war over me mentioning a total pointless thing like computers or cars or whatever, often there is no way to get to him. He cant listen at all, it's almost like he is deaf..mentally, sometimes and just attacking with blindfoldsicon_afraid

Seems like a snake or something lurking around, never knows when it'll strike.
He is a pisces with mars in aries and cancer moon btw.. I thought that was funnyicon_lol
In other words, he gets moody.

Other than him I am not sure, what about music artists? Is it possible to have one of those as a handler, dead ones?:P Or is it just triggers..

I had a really unpleasant dinner earlier, not the food but I got attacked by strong impulsive thoughts..Violent thoughts, it got me scared.as I know thoughts carry weight, it might be just that which gets it going too.

I'm not a violent guy, dont like violence at all.

I also thyink you are right, to tone down the exercise or just focus on other things..I tend to drop everything and just dive in whatever it is..So I can get obsessed quite easily, I'll try to get more stuff on the schedule:)

Over the recent years while I became interested in spiritual stuff as a result of the mushrooms, I became interested in eastern philosophy and that stuff. I didn't really follow any specific path but i picked up things I considered useful. The point is that I always knew even though I tried to follow certain excercises and routines that I knew what worked and that I should do that..It always worked, but there seems to be some part of me that sabotage, and now with the deprogramming, I got the impression that I dont know anything about it and that I should follow the exercises so as to not get stuck..I see now that does not work either, should be obvious I guess. But I have a weird mind, and it can get pretty caught up in details.

Tried to introduce the ultimate violet protection technique to my little brother, he is 9. Seemed like a wonderful thing to learn at such an age, since he might develop amazing abilities regarding visualization..But he got uinterested and just flew off (mentally). It's sad, everytime I say something important he just disappears:(
I did the same thing his age when it came to schoolwork, especially math..

I also got a thought about him being programmed too, which I suppose is likely to be real.. That is quite unnerving, and he is quite fond of everything they throw at kids these days, like all those cartoons with lizards and games seems to be chalk full of dragons and that stuff..

I was sort of obsessed by the chinese ninjas when I was young and the chinese calligraphy..and tribal drawings appeared everywhere, I wonder where those comes from.

Celtic knotwork also seems to be closely connected to mushrooms for some reason, I've seen it myself..An ocean of that stuff, I felt it's history so to speak. Not quite sure though.

I realize this is alot, I just had meaticon_razz Have eaten meat about 4 times now since I got off the veggie diet:) It does something...

Thank you very much for the feedback, it is very much appreciated;)


Edit:

Somehow, my english seems to be falling apart:P It wasn't always this bad

[HeadSpace]

I slept great tonight:D I did some stuff before I went to bed including the silver infinity.. I sense a huge difference with meat and without.

And it may sound a bit rude, but I noticed from the beginning of my stay here that the name Polly hold something for me, I look at it and something is there. It may be a trigger:P 

Or it might be some weird form of attraction, I'm not sure. That would probrably be the programming if you also have that stuff:? I have noticed some attraction towards people which is most likely programmed, very strange.
Program or not, I really like you:)

I'm sorry if I'm being weird.

[Polly]

No, I don't think you are being rude or weird, HeadSpace, just honest and that is fine.

The word "poly" means many so perhaps that is a trigger.  People who have been programmed often do feel an affinity with each other or they can feel quite repulsed by each other, too.  You can try putting my name in brown block letters at your pineal to see what comes up.

Good that you slept well last night!  That always helps.

[Rod]

This is a good thread, and I would like to thank Headspace for writing what so far has been an enlightening read.

I will try more oversoul communication, i've neglected that area of work, so thanks Headspace for getting me motivated in doing that, keep up the good work.

Rodrigo

[HeadSpace]

I tried what you said, twice. The first time, nothing really happened. I closed my eyes and I felt/saw a presence..Some slight thoughts of female and dragon came to mind:? And higher/dark alters..

I then put a brown X on the name and hoped for the best:P

Second, I placed the name there again, while visualizing the letters some voice appeared said some stuff, among it Polly is back...it came in writing to as I didn't manage to focus enough. I felt the word dragon again, and I felt it may be connected to some alter or ritual stuff:(

Sorry about that. It could very well be nonsense too:)


Edit:

Thank you Rodrigo:) Just have to say, your avatar is really cool;)


Btw, I think I just might have gotten some thoughts from an alter, felt like a different me coming through. If thats true than I am really happy:)

Felt as if it was a ritual alter or something. Prior to this I was thinking about activating lion frequency in all my alters. I got sort of scattered while different thoughts came to mind, when I think of it seemed like different sources somehow. I then focused and thought that I will heal them all and bring myself together..At the same time that specific ritual alter feeling/thought came in and kind of told me it was good to hear:D

That little story might sound totally crazy, but it makes me happy:) Feels like I am integrating somethingicon_biggrin

I have no gurantee this is correct but to make sure I do not reverse things I will leave it there...

Edit 2:

Maybe brown merger, would be appropriate for some before reading, I'm not sure:?

Regarding the name Polly, something else I heard was, activate *name* here..unlock *name* here.. not my name, but the name mentioned here:? I don't quite get that.


But what if this is connected to what I wrote about regarding my alters?