HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

I finally got around to reading the eris thread. This morning was strange, yesterday too. I've had progress. But last night I had more demonization and something that seemed as sabotage in regards to placement or programming. Not sure though. Today I have played out an old scenario. I woke up and got manipulated, very angry and tricked into calling the lizards a bunch of ugly names. Thinking about how ugly and horrible they are:? It's not really me doing it. I catch myself doing it sometimes and come up for air.

I sat down at the computer feeling as if a place from my past was with me, I read the eris thread and the good old scenario where I break down all belief systems and everything and am left standing alone in the desert so to speak. It is usually a good thing. But along with this came a lot of weird manipulation and tricky stuff from either the attachment or something else. Writing this someone/thing said wrong. And I believe that voice.

I have some doubts, I noticed that this morning and last night. I also had some weird dreams with programming stuff, weird scenes, music and chaos. Felt uncomfortable.

I noticed I felt heavy and somewhat depressed when I woke up.

I tried violet now, I trust that one. Sorry about the I's. Theire everywhere:P
Someone really manipulative is messing with me here, possible one of those greys.

Some good came out of this, I noticed I have felt to dependent upon the techniques, as in if I did not master them I would be in deep trouble. But when I remember I have healed similar situations as I have been in before without them. But I had different views. Didn't know of the programming. Actually I did even though I didn't. Thats weird. I could see it, or I knew it. I felt myself behind myself seeing the illusion in my visual field and stuff. I did have a strange perception of reality and I tried to see things from the ultimate so I may have broken through some barriers that way. That nwr stuff:)

Ever since I started reading about this I got more and more tense. I also may have been led by something else than my oversoul to this information, perhaps both. I feel that might be right.

I notice now I have been manipulated the last two days, it seems my knowledge, certainty of oversoul and stuff. My self has been sabotaged.

This scenario was there last year around this time too:? I can actually see it. But that might just be shoved in my face by the astral creatures. I get this thing where memories come up or just float. Stuff gets put in front of me but that most often feels as if it is the attachment. Whenever I do the violet on what I think could/would be implants a lot calms down and the voices almost dissappears. They do sometimes and I get clarity. The buzzing dissappear too, especially with violet on ears.


I just had my new Jasper necklace fall into my vision, then a thought or reminder of my life asit have been. Change, always change and quite dramatically so. It was probably time. But things can get confusing, I get an aphiffany and then manipulation saying it is sabotage or delibiretly put there by either astral or IP:P

I guess my oversoul always comes through.

I may also have needed that stuff on the merger also because I was considering tattooing it on my solar plexus. But out walking last night I placed one there and thought it may bring the chakra system out of balance since they all/me react to the environment. If that one has a merger it would not react in acoord with the rest I think. Or the other way around:?

Something is up.

The last days I have been tricked into that angry place by the attachment and directing anger at them. I guess that is not clever. They/it can be quite provoking. They seem to me to be the true aliens. As in something truly foreign. Strange creatures.


--

Funny as it may seem I just got a breakthrough in the bathroom, always there:D It all works out:P

One other thing, I am truly grateful for you Jewels:) You have been very very helpful to me and I appreciate you. And everyone here of course;) I am sorry about the way this thread turned out, over 20 pages now. But at least there is vaulable stuff to me in between the pages here:)


Edit:

Btw, if one is in an alter. How do we get out of it? I might be in one you seeicon_rolleyes

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Do not apologize for the 21 pages, this offers ‘choice’ to others if they want to read it, respond or just ignore and that is what life is about, information should not be forced on anyone, who knows, you may have helped someone here that goes through the same as you, yet not ready to write about it.

I feel you should go over your posts, read them and just self analyze to where you have come since starting this diary, if you personally think/feel you have improved or still at the same place you started, that is what is great about a diary.

If one is in an alter, it is very rare to get out of it because you do not know you are in it until you come out of it, when people are being downloaded extremely, it is advisable to have someone around them at all times, but it must be someone who can pick up energetically when that person has gone into an altered state, the time frame can alter from seconds to days.

It is difficult to do but you need to concentrate all day, and every second to stay focused and aware, keep away from television or radio, and cell phones for at least a week.

[HeadSpace]

To be honest, your comment scared me a little. I might not be in an alter. I have not read up on programming actually. Not anything by stewart other than 13 cubed. So I don't necessarily know what being in one feels like.

MC said he could get himself out of them at will:) That sounds nice. So there's hope.

Sorry, but I don't like those catastrophical views.

I thought about getting a programming scan soon. I have this thing sometimes, often during the last months where my view of things narrow down dramatically and memory gets supressed. The world seem like a mm deep or blank. But when I do violet on implants and get peace from astral this disappears.

After reading your post I wondered if I should ask stewart the same question but I got something, a familiar feeling.

I would really like to hear different views on this.

I know who I am. I know my life. I know what I want. I think it might just be the attachment keeping me in a loop.

I dont have a tv in my flat and I hardly ever have my cellphone on. But my family do have these things and use them, just about the rest of the people in my city have these things and use them:?

I do know I would like to move out to the country and just live there without too much electric stuff.

I was in a garage some hours ago looking at some mechanical stuff and I noticed things calmed down there.

You touched something here and the timing was strange. You ususally resonate with deeper stuff, and this felt uncomfortable. Not your fault of course. I guess it was something I should hear then.

I actually cried alot after reading this. Have been alone for a very very long time and I guess I have grown tired of the whole scenario. I see how that sounds. Feels intense.

I hope there will be peace at some point, that the ones doing this to the people will be put away and things will heal.

[HeadSpace]

Thought I should say, I am very creative. I manifest and change quickly. My greatest weapon as you called it has been used against me. I have been focusing on how programmed and fragmented I am and that I am deep deep trouble. Loaded with all kinds of programs and issues. And of course that I have this creature attached.

I slept really really well tonight, I saw lions in my dream:) My oversoul helped me before getting to sleep.

And I noticed now, today that I can turn this whole thing around in an instant. It's all about the direction of thought/energy or whatever one wants to call it. I have sort of known all the answers myself because these are not tricky issues but I have been seriously bothered by something.

I made a new circle and dot in paint yesterday and printed it out. That little piece of paper did stuff. I got much much more focused and the voices calmed down greatly.
I also printed out some little papers with the ultimate violet protection technique on them as well as aleph bet and gimel. It was a bit to much to have in my pockets as there were already a bunch of stuff there.
But the circle and dot really helps.

Stewart said in my consultation that I have emotional isolation issues, that might have been why I reacted so strongly last night. I have been with people in my life but rarely emotionally. Not connected. Very very rarely. They have shown up while being alone.

[HeadSpace]

I noticed the moon the last couple of days, I have had some issues with the attachment but also made progress.

Today I woke up and things were depressing, I have been manipulated and very very frustrated today. More than I care to explain here. I was having a hard time just now and I looked out the window, there's a shiny full moon out there.

I really cant stand these creatures. I have been having anger issues regarding them, but not really. It makes me angry, but it is manipulation. It's not necessarily my anger either. Do they feed off of it or something, I think I have read that somewhere.

I had a tiny nap an hour ago, and I felt good then. A break from a very tiring day. I had been screaming out to my oversoul before sleeping. But when I woke up feeling calm, things seemed ok. It felt as if I had been to a peaceful place. I then got poked or something from astral again and the buzzing started. That was really sad.

I haven't noticed the moon and how that affects me before, it seems it does. The manipulation has been quite heavy today and the entire day has been lost in this stuff. Except for that little nap:?

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

You should not let the truth scare you, and I agree you should always get a second opinion, no one should follow the words of any ‘one’ person. MC has had many years of experience. I am not saying you are in an alter, however your emotions are continually up and down, feeling good then bad are a sign of a programmed person being targeted, and there is always hope, the only way to combat anything that comes your way is with mental strength and having no fear of what might be!

You could move to an island with no electronics but that is not the issue, the biggest enemy you have is not the illuminati, the astral beings that seem to continually be with you, but it is yourself, because all things in life are a reflection of our mind pattern, and through our past life experiences, these issues follow us and are set in a diverse concept but in current time.

To understand the alters, you must understand why some days you wake depressed, and other days you wake feeling good, the movement of these feelings is the key to unlocking the ability to control all things that make your life a challenge.

[HeadSpace]

Thank you:) Those last two lines felt helpful.

I have not mentioned before here that I have had some issues with memory. Fragmented. And some times it got very limited, it had to do with the astral creature, supressing me. It has been very involved since I tried mushrooms I think. And there were some stuff when I used cannabis too, I didn't just use cannabis. Occasionally I tried amphetamine, ecstacy and various other hallucinogenic substances.

Not much of it though, but huge amounts of cannabis. I didn't really think it was that harmful but it mad me foggy and it amplified the manjana mindpattern.

The day before yesterday I realized that I had been thinking I was not myself and just a small piece of the whole. I then realized I was myself and in my main personality. I became grounded and it helped immensely.

I have had many useful insights and thoughts about many things, but then things shift again and I sort of get stuck in a different place. That has been the case for a long time actually. I know if I stay one hundred percent in my center things work out. I have done this before and had perfect stillness, balance in my life. But as you said I was on guard every second of each day, always aware. Sometimes i got tense too. But I had some great times like that. I remember waking up then in harmony and stillness, being in control. It was still programming I think, at least some of the time. New world religion. That has been quite dominant since the first mushroom trip. And greenstar, they seemed to fit together. Depending on how I saw the et scenario I think. That ended after stewarts information arrived:?

I have noticed lately that when I swear (calling out bad words), one word specifically I got a feeling and I thought to myself some days ago that I should find out what that word means and where it comes from:P I should know already of course, I searched and the answer came to me before I read it. It's short for another word which in norwegian points to the devil:? I will stop using these words. Thats good, they've stayed with me for too long.

Theres also a violet beanie heading my way, it's freezing cold here. And I never had a violet one before, I notice change whenever I put a beanie on. Wonder if theres any other word for those things, the word hat brings cowboy stuff to mind or those old 50's types. A real hat in other words.

I should be more social, one of the reasons I tend to babble here is that I never really talk much to people. To throw it out there, I have been intensely isolated for a very long time. My own fault, cannabis contributed to this.

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Yes modern cannabis is designed to make people unsocial, whereas years ago it had the reverse affect, it is because it is all hydroponic and being fed chemicals. Sagittarians are not creatures of isolation; they socialize wonderfully and love being around others, the mutable quality will create a barrier for you if you choose to remain isolated, mutable works in a particular way, one must be careful, so when you do decide to get out and about, remember to stay centered with your own energy, Pisces, Virgo and Sagittarius must all be cautious of this, as you can ‘mutate’ to another’s energy frequency.  

Many programmed people have issues with memory, this is not unusual and any memories should not be forced back until you are ready to deal with them, a technique of recovering ‘daily’ memory – go outside or around your home, write a list of ten things you see, then see how well you can relay that list without looking. When you go out, observe all the little things, flowers in the vase, the color of a persons shirt and then go back to what you seen. Force your mind to work, keep it busy, this is how old people become old!

[HeadSpace]

[color="#aa00ff"]Well, here I live there were mostly indica I think. Hashish from morocco. I suspect so. Traditional stuff. If I had access to hydroponics the whole while I would have gone insane, I react very strongly to cannabis too:)

That mutable behavior sounds too familiar, I have also noticed what you said about the center. The times I've been there the social stuff was balanced, calm and smooth.

I will work more on the memory part. It also has to do with astral, being manipulated. But I am working on this.

Being centered is also something I should work on, the forest helps me on that one. It's freezing right now:) Must be weird having nothing but sun all year. I love the snow, it can feel wonderfully calm and cleansing. Magic. I noticed it also gets very quiet sometimes, almost scary quiet.[/color]

[color="#aa00ff"]I had meat yesterday and today, I notice that helps a lot. I tend to forget that, should do it more often. I have regained weight and I feel much better. I am also much stronger.

I felt old as a teenager and before that actually. I think I always felt old until I tried drugs:? Or when some of the programs kicked in, then I felt I was getting younger. I felt dense vibes as a kid, I was not unhappy but there were some dense stuff. I also remember some strange feelings and atmospheres in regards to sleep and dreaming. Actually, someone/thing is feeding me these memories right now. That is weird. Why would they be feeding me these things. I sense the fear associated with it, maybe thats why.

I think it was programming dreams, where it took place.

I also remember on mushrooms feeling my self, some points within had some serious issues. I mean some points where I seem to have been locked between realities. Of course I guess this doesn't sound weird when talking about mushroms but it's really truly hard to explain. A memory I think, it was a memory. A part of self I found. A really traumatized one. Hell. I understand clearly how astral can be enterpreted as that.

I did have fun too. But I often found layers of trauma. Except some times. Actually I always found them because they are everywhere. I mean they pervade everything, I can see it in a table. It was more like which layer I found, the intensity. Just myself I guess. I'm sorry I think the mushrooms affected the way I think. What I felt could have been the attachment messing with me too. Very likely. Rape. That twisted demonic feeling.

Full moon tonight too.


I told stewart of a recurring dream I had as a youngster and he said it could be a containment field, that could be. Wonder how I got myself into that.

I write to much about to little. But I did go through some olde memories while writing this. It stirred up stuff. But it seems it was deliberat.
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[Astrojewels]

As bad as society can be, it is necessary to become part of it to find who we are, because without the adversity of being hurt or loved, we would only become accustomed to our own way of thinking and doing. If we only have ourselves to judge and deliver, we are going to provide the mildest conviction of all. You can only become strong through adversity and through knowing what you want and not allowing others to stand over you, nor do you stand over them.

Please tell me why you have changed the color of your font?