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HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary
I have come to understand that also, that they are deceptive:) Tank you
That information was very much needed right now.
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[color=#0000ff Wrote:HeadSpace[/color]]Just not something I can talk about to people if they ask me how I'm doing:P
No, you cannot just talk to anyone about this stuff but there must be someone you can talk to, someone near you that you have not met yet perhaps; someone who would understand and be helpful to you.  Does it help when you write to Stewart about what you are experiencing?  What is happening is you are living out all of these dramatic and disturbing scenarios in your mind and body but they are not part of physical reality for the most part. It's like you are tripping much of the time w/o the drug, unless the frequency of the drug is being beamed into your brain so that you will trip.
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Hey:)

It did stick with me along time. Very heavily so. And not flashbacks or anything.
I do not think stewart is willing to talk to me, janet suggested that I start a group or something in my area. I'm a little too shy for that though. I do know of one that posted his mail on the expansions website and thought about contact.. I may do that at some point. I'm a little intense and can find being with people a very strange thing sometimes.

Had a strange dream just now. Think it had to do with a lady that appeared on my door earlier selling pictures for son, he had leukemia. lovely pictures. It was a trigger.

In my dream I was with her in some way, maybe working in a shop. She was nervous, I followed her to a back room. It was chalk full of clothing, theft. She was upset. Her daughter was there. I said this was alright and I didn' want to interfere. Then we all felt like family and I felt her daughter looked upon me as a father. It ended with me and the woman getting intimate, while we got closer energetically speaking or whatever you want to call it a greenstar appered. But I felt the woman that came to my door was a monarch. One thing that was very strange was that the psychic bond between me and this lady was very strong, after she left i could feel her as if I was with her going around the city. I became overly gentle, nice and childish.

I did pay the double amount for the picture so she may or may not have projected some warmth or something. Just now thinking about her, the city woke up to me and I felt as if I was already there:? Some strange connection..

Edit:
 More activites would be beneficial and being more outdoors and in nature, the woods..

Does anyone have any suggestions on something I could buy or have around or with me that would help me in some way?

i asked janet about crystals and earthstones, and she said they can have a draining effect. That might be because of how I have experienced them so far. I think I'll keep them at a distacne for now unless i really take care of them and cleanse and stuff which I feel is boring:?

I was very attracted to the star tetrahedron necklace I see stewart wearing in his dvd's.



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I have been in a ritual drama for too long now, I've been asked to sacrifice myself more times than I care to count and because I get thrown threats of other people being murdered.

It is very disturbing and it has not been very relaxing for me.

I hope things will ease and that I will be having my holidays in peace..
And theres the thing where I feel so alone sometimes, noone to turn to and i get manipulated in to believing the swerdlows are helping me at times when they are not:? Thats annoying..

I also had that healer stuff to deal with but it was not always the healer..I'm not sure. Everything seems so shady. No more, preferably.

I was about to contact someone who posted his mail on the expansionssite which is here in norway, while writing everything went bad and i had a visit and things started getting crazy again with just pure madness. I felt my whole being was rejuvenated when I finally decided to write that mail. So my oversoul was with me there. I have been and still am what most would call a loner. The reasons why is very intricate and complex. I do not have the full picture either.. I guess some of you would say that it is a part of the programming and as I go out in the public I see that very clearly in how I react to them.

Writing this made me feel a lot better as it is releasing.

It's just so sad with the compulsvie thought thing, it is what has been ruining everything. It made it easier for them/it to manipulate me.

And sleeping/being without the ultimate violet protection technique has been a very tiring experience these last weeks..

Always threathening with something, every day. I have been unable to live or do anything for the last month. Maybe more.

I know/see this seems to be pure complaining but I am just releasing it as I have noticed it does actually help:)

I would love to and I am looking forward to the point where I have enough money to travel..I have not really done my share of the busynes part because of the psychosis and all. So I am quite drained. I will fix this though. I do know I have the ability to manifest, very well. theres just so much more going on or that is at least what has been.

I just tried releasing the energetics and projections from the place I've been staying in these last weeks and I got scared of releasing it because I thought I might send it the wrong way.. I really need to start being more grounded, i bought myself some brown clothes today but i think i'm going to try the natural tobacco:) I did smoke in my teens for some years, when in school. Stress, and social structures:? Weird.

Anyways, I do know very well that natural is a whole other thing. Shamans use it in ayahuasca ceremonies too for grounding, but they use other herbs too. As far as I recall there are two tobacco plants, the one unfamiliar to most , rustica is actually used as a hallucinogen.. Writing this I know it has the intentions are long gone. it's true though..

Will try out that tobacco at some point.

I hope everyone here is having a lovely time, it just crossed my mind, I have a birthday coming up the 20th :) And I am alive, thats quite nice compared to what I thought was going to be my situation around that date:)



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HeadSpace, please try again to write an email to the person in Norway.  Start out slow and see how it goes.  If you want you can show him this thread which will give him a good idea of what you are going through.
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[color=#0000ff Wrote:HeadSpace[/color]]i asked janet about crystals and earthstones, and she said they can have a draining effect. That might be because of how I have experienced them so far. I think I'll keep them at a distacne for now unless i really take care of them and cleanse and stuff which I feel is boring:?
Headspace,

This is ‘totally untrue’ if you use any of the quartz, amethyst, celestite, or citrine, these will all cleanse, the only crystals that could have seem to have a draining affect are the dark/black stones, but it is really a transition and not a draining of energy. I have used crystals for so many things and they are amazing, I do healing with crystals and I have never had anyone tell me that they don’t feel better, even if it is a slight change, it is still a positive one.

Nothing, no-one or any astral/angelic/demonic entity can remove your programming, and only you can adjust your mind pattern to control it, rather than it controlling you like how it is currently, it is part of who you are and even though you have been manipulated to have these energies/patterns of thought attached to you, at the end of the day, these programs can only be placed into appropriated participants.  

Let me tell you there is hope, and with dedication and strong will there can be changes to a specifically programmed person and what they must deal with on a daily basis.

I think your diary is fascinating and inspiring to those who do not have the courage to write what they are going through, yet I see with each page your programming is becoming deeper, you are honest and in one of the posts admit to liking the war energy, this you need to look and even though you might like it, do you really want it? As it can only be you that makes any change.
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i have been attacked again, and dna altered. Reptile stuff. Not good.  I also messed up other stuff. i may have damaged others too.

i got help from stewart, which is great. Just wondering how things will turn out.
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Can someone actually take genetics from you?
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HeadSpace, they can be opened or closed or tinkered with or have programming attached to them but as far as stealing them, it doesn't make sense to me.
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This was spawned a response for me. Sad. I've been through hell the past 10 hours..I see some light now. It was the death thing again.
--

Hours later
I have just gone through something very heavy.

I am amazed at how it worked out and i love my family with all my heart, and I am grateful for them being.




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