HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

Something that annoys me is that these demons lurk around waiting for me to slip up with my thoughts. And sometimes that grip comes and thoughts flow through me even though I have no intention of letting that happen, it can be extremely difficult to stop it. And not to rare it is things that hurt the situation at hand, they then come back angry and tell me I shall die and all sorts of stuff. Of course, this does not make me less comfy. They also do other things that makes me feel really weird energetically speaking.

The only way I can make this would be to break through and disregard whatever thoughts flow through, and in that way I regain control of my own mind. I've actually been thee before a year ago when I didn't know about programming. I thought I was posessed. And i guees that was not too far from the truth. I think it has to do with the dragonfly program. The thing is that i dont want to hurt anyone. And to be perfectly honest, I am also grateful to be alive:?

I was about to ask what you would recommend, but of course I realize how stupid that would be. As I actually know the answer. But I do not wish to hurt anyone.

I see the voices started a while ago, my fault as I had the tendency to be way too much in my head, at some point I started getting stuff there. Small hunches and stuff and something at times felt and almost heard like voices. I didn't suspect this would be a problem as I thought it might be a benevolent thing.

The last time I had this problem as I mentioned, I had frequent bedvisits:? had a ritual tonight to and a really weird dream.

I am realy grateful for the merging that was done yesterday, while I slept i suppose. I woke up feeling much more like me. But theres something these demons do sometimes that messes that up, I dont know what that is, not fun.

I will work, and stop attracting it.

I think I just need to be proactive as they all say:) It just feels as if I'm walking on ice most of the time. I should probrably go live with some lions for a while, thought about that, theres this very cute commercial on animal planet. I really love it:)

Sad how my body reacts to this, it changes very easily in accordance with my psyche. And my neck and head feels as if I have been to a heavy metal concert as a 90 year old. I know this fixes easily.

Wonder if theres a specific mindpattern that attracts the astral levels? that might be a stupid question though. I've had that for some time even when I had no issues with voices or demons or any of that stuff. It started after the psychedelics, as janet mentioned they does something to the system that makes you more available to outside influence or something, probrably not the best description.

Im not doing any drugs and have not for the last year, it was just that psychedelic a year ago and a slip up on my part with cannabis a year and a half ago which led me into a new programming cycle with more of that stuff. There was one week especially where neptune was in some weird position around new years and that week was totally crazy for me. Actually, that crazyness never went away, it stuck and I'm still there. I started getting really sensitive to the astral levels.

I see how crazy things have been. And I see my posts here has changed in nature:D
Sorry about that, I am strange that way in some ways. I dont know how to explain what I was thinking about writing..

But of course, this psychosis has been lurking, I've had these weird pulls and hidden threats for a long time and it was part of the thing that kept me from doing the techniques, i felt something behind my eyelids were threatening me and making me project wrong things, not easy to explain..

Thank you Moon Child:)

[HeadSpace]

I posted the above before reading you post, I tried getting the lion frequency on a lot of times when I was more able to visualize. I started getting progress with my visualizations and progress in general and then things happened. It was just sabotage.

I will make it eventually, I do not use or like pharmaceuticals as I know they do very little good. I dont drink either. Drugs in this mess would be a disaster:)

I agree now looking back that the whole experience reeks programming, but it was not always that easy to spot.

One of the things that got me started was that I was staying up all night trying to get the uvpt or the bubble to work, and I didn't want to go to sleep without it. Also felt something push to do it. Never got it right and I started sleeping very little and poorly and getting harassed in bed.

All my fault of course. Could have been prevented, a lot of stuff could have been prevented. Too late to turn back.

I was thinking about buying some tamarind, but they dont put fluoride in the water here, that is what they say anyway. And now i drink distilled. So I'm wondering if it will help, I did actually eat something called fluor tablets growing up to make my teeth strong:? I guess the tamarind would be good anyway in case it has calcified or whatever it is called.

I've noticed there are tons of new layers in my matrix, or maybe i'm just in new parts of it. Janet mentioned it was high level programming. Suicide stuff.

Whats really annoying is that, what was really working for me was affirmations and intent as i was good at that. It always worked. But now theyv'e place a lot of crap in those places so that whenever I do such things everything fu*ks up in a very strange way as if the opposite of what i'm trying to achieve happens. There seems to be very little I can do about that, it feels mechanical. Writing this I see i feel into some of the old stuff and I just had one of those aura things again. Change of tone in this last piece of text:)

But of course, the programming is not stronger than me so theres nothing really stopping me from breaking through.

-

Just did an affirmation, and by the time I say release i feel something flow out and either upwards or horizontally, mostly upwards and I'm left feeling more naked, more pressure on the head and feeling less lke me. Like my aura just flew away or something. I suspect it is not in good shape.

[HeadSpace]

I am considering a merger tattoo, either in the neck or further up where the hair grows, in that way it would not be visible, unless of course it would stop the hair growth there. I tried placing a little piece of paper with the merger on the neck and I felt much better at once, felt happier and noticed I enjoyed the stuff on the telly, it was a nature show.. I might be wrong, that it was not it. Had a good day today with improvement, I suspect i got a lot of help. Not quite sure where from yet:P
But I managed to mess up with some thoughts that came flying out and it was of course the most destructive of all possible. I wont go into details. I now heard I will have some sort of thing coming at midnight:? Either death or some kind of ritual..

Not looking forward to it.

Iron monoxide, was the one pigment used for brown I think. I dont remember correctly, but I got the impression that it was less harmful than the others. I guess curcumin is not that unhealthy either.

Other then the above mentioned with compulsive stuff, and being told I am about to die again, or something else this was a great day:)

And I feel better physically, got more food. But I still struggle with my appetite.

Something tells me this is not a joke, I'm being told by either myself or someone who wants to help me to be awake and not fool around, along with some sad vibes. Some sent me sadness. Probrably not a good sign.

[HeadSpace]

I think disney channel is realy horrendous, I get sick everytime I see it, I never watch it but it is often on screen in my fathers house. The colors are terrible and the people just weird. They wear the strangest colur combinations and everything is just sickening. I get nousious just looking at it. Same with a lot of other stuff, I see i get easily affected by tv. I usually dont watch tv. Also dont like world of warcraft, it is probrably chalk full of all sorts of scary subliminals. I think that one is scary.

I wonder what will happen to me at midnight:?
Getting tired of the thing were I'm sitting around waiting to die:P

I had a strange experience while showering today and I had a brainstem thing, I felt like a lizard. And I saw something that I had before. It calmed down though.

Since I struggle with the affirmations at the moment I thought I should do it here, maybe that will have some power.

I release the mindpattern behind compulsive thoughts. Now this should work:)

Hope this works out.

I found more of myself today. But I see I have a lot of work to do, stewart mentioned I was deeply programmed:?

That smell is still stalking me, some kind of parfume or flower, I dont like it.

I found joy today which I have not felt in a good while other then the times I got the good news that my suicidal catastrophes were not real:D I were'nt actually suicidal if anyone is wondering about that.

I wonder if these voices are real or just fabricated by the matrix.

Was going to ask something regarding the ip, but when I think about my compulsive thought issue, I dont think I want to know:?

[HeadSpace]

I just had a visit, first a thought, then a smell of cigarettes. Then cold, I heard something. If you mess with us we mess with you. I get strange vibes.

I would like to use the computer of the mind program to stop downloads too, I guess that would be possible. To command it like that. Or to prevent specific triggers? Activations?

Having some stuff now, sounds, beeping, visits and stuff. And other things. I look forward to getting more healthy and stronger. That helps, and of course, using the techniques.

--

I just had a thing where I dropped into something and I sort of see an old place in my matrix..

And I did not mention it, but when that visit mentioned above arrived I got more integrated in a way. But I felt worse energetically.

I do not know how or where the world is going so I dont know how a merger tattoo would be welcomed, I mean if out traveling and strolling by the wrong person or something. What about a merger at the place of the solar plexus area but on the back? Dont really want anything in the front. Maybe a lion archetype just for fun:P I guess that would fade very quickly.

I liked what happened when I placed the merger at the neck. Just tried the forehead and that was very nice. I was told not to do it though.

I hope I'll live:) It seems I always find new things to focus my compulsive energy into, it's very sad.

[HeadSpace]

Still alive:)

I had some strange stuff going on though, programming I think:? Someone is constantly playing with my matrix.

Sad stuff, someone said I had new implants too. I feel as if the matrix has solidified now.. Not fun, I will get going on the deprogramming work soon, I cant stick around waiting for things to cool down, they always throw in something new..

Grateful for the help I got though, the uvpt helped a lot. Saved the night.
Whats sad is that whatever happened seems to have even more control over my thoughts than the last, is there not any ways to destroy the implants.

Any ways?

Also, I wonder where the most effective place for a brown merger tattoo would bee.
I suppose that would be the skull. But I dont really like that. I thought about solar plexus just now and the voices and the vibes got completely still, for a moment.

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

Let me ask you, how often do you use the brown merger technique? And why would you want to tattoo it on your body when it is not working for you?

[HeadSpace]

Hey:)

You know, I did it more often before and I started getting a hang of it or whatever it is called but then all of this happened and now there seems I'm incapable of visualizing anything. Not fun.

I visited the the shop who did temporary tattoos today and I heard they lasted five years:) I thought they were just stickers or something:P I might do that. They said it was the same as the makeup stuff, eyebrows and that stuff.

Someone told me today that the one who is stalking me with the smell and all is a programmer, this fits my experience these last weeks. Something has really messed things up and I see now that the creature has a hold of me, it does things which is really spooky. I do not doubt it is a programmer.

It is threatening to mess with my family if I told you about this, not fun.
It also said it was hoping to make me programmer myself. I think I know what it means, it manipulates me sometimes and does things I dont want to mention here.

I had some nice experience today as well, I thought I was about to die again and regained my emotional nature.

Nice to be alive, but that creature is seriously messing with me.

A temporary lion tattoo on the solar plexus, would that be beneficial?
And a merger at the neck?

Could really use the uvpt:?

Could anyone please tell me what they think a merger tattoo would do in the neck area? And if theres another place it would do me more benefit?

I've been told theres a lot of ritual coming for me tonight:( Sad stuff.
I think I should go see a deprogrammer, ideally there would be local ones too.

Is there anyone in norway or around here?

All response is greatly appreciated.

Truly hoping this will diffuse the energy,

Edit:

I'm not sure I should write the part about the programmer, I dont want to say to much either.  What would you do?

I still need help I think, I know theres a lot of complaining happening. But I dont want to harm others. Should be deprogramming centers or schools.

[HeadSpace]

Hello:) Have a persona going here:? I think the dragonfly is running..
Wondering what will happen in the near future since everything is just getting more intense..I saw the dates put up by MC, looks less than promising.

I need some serious aid I think in order to pull through, I now it reeks victim. But the situation is not quite..


I may just have had a dna activation, I'm not sure. probrably reptilian. Sad stuff.

I hope it is not true. Anyways, if I'm not here tomorrow. I should add that I am grateful to have known you all:) This got me thinking, I really hope it is not true.

I love humans and I hope I will return to fullblood one day.

[HeadSpace]

Hello:) Have a persona going here:? I think the dragonfly is running..
Wondering what will happen in the near future since everything is just getting more intense..I saw the dates put up by MC, looks less than promising.

I need some serious aid I think in order to pull through, I now it reeks victim. But the situation is not quite..


I may just have had a dna activation, I'm not sure. probrably reptilian. Sad stuff.

I hope it is not true. Anyways, if I'm not here tomorrow. I should add that I am grateful to have known you all:) This got me thinking, I really hope it is not true.

I love humans and I hope I will return to fullblood one day.