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MC · 01-03-2009, 10:27 PM

So,this state of yours has lasted for a year?Or less?When was the last time you took something?Taking anything makes it worse,and makes it hard to put you together again.Why did you take something in the first place?There was a problem that you could not handle.Tell me something,what makes you happy?What makes you feel relaxed?Blank states with panic have nothing to do with attachments,they have to do with your alters.Why aren't you eating properly?

***HeadSpace*** · 01-03-2009, 11:16 PM

After finding stewart i started eating fish again, I noticed I was more grounded then and eventually tried out meat i think I mentioned the meat here in the journal:)

If your'e right that the blank states dont have to do with the attachment then i'm happy:) But I'm sure it does have something to do with the entities. For example at some point it seemed as if i lost control of my left hemisphere and someone used it..other times it is as if someone is smiling through while perhaps realizing something that would be fun for someone trying to hurt me..

it's not me who would be smiling, it's not physically either, it's a projection, seems to come from the auric..or something I'm not sure..I have had a bunch of crazy experiences these last months..I couldn't write them all down here.

I was eating properly until this happened, although the last month since the suicidal stuff went on I also stoped eating. So I guess i've actually been very very malnourished for a long time now:? Didn't think of that. It was not suicidal either, a voice said suicide alter while i was talking to janet on the phone at one point..And I figured that made sense at the time..An alter meant to destroy me and get me out of here..

i had rebellious teenyears, I did criminal stuff and after trying out something called MDA I was convinced that world held adventures:) That drug is quite crazy. I was overweight as a child, i ate everything i came across. i ate about 3-4 different dinners often..i often visted my grand parents and ate there and then told my parent i had not eaten and so on.. I ate a lot:) No harsh memories, i still love food..But around my birthday I weighed 54.4kg..that was two weeks without food ago:? I'll start eating again tomorrow:)

Since giving up raw food I maintained food combining because i feel it is better for digestion, it's true but i ended up never really reaching the kcal limit for growth..to much focus on the technical stuff only limits it anyways..i've learned..And I actually know.. I always knew i knew, even as a child..but as i got into that maze things got strange..

I will keep the food combining thing for now because of the situation I've been in the last two weeks..actually before this situation started I decided to break the spell and try out normal eating habits..The last big meal i had was steak and potatoes rice ice cream and chocolate cake almost in one:? That did not go well.. then theres the symbology, I've been extremely tense about food I have been limiting everything..for a long time i lived only on fruit and stuff.. I will fix this but not in one scoop:) It should be harmonious..

What makes me happy? Travel, love, harmony and connection..i was happy when I was into the nwr and at one point when I ate all those mushrooms i was happy, not neccesarily on the mushrooms but the new look and cest for life i got when coming down again..Music is something very special to me, but i have stopped listening to music. I will probably listen more when I've stabilized things..i was just very hooked on psychedelic stuff before and it seemed i always attracted music that really really affected me..i react strongly to music..i mean, I can if i let it..

relaxed, being myself..finding my core..cannabis has been very beautiful this way some times where i find myself and my emotional center and can relax and be in touch with myself.. But I dont use that anymore.. Some astrology profile said i had the classic fight between the mind and the heart..I have for long periods of time been very very cold and other times totally emotional and intense..i guess thats one of the reasons i liked cannabis, it connects me to the heart chakra..music also has that effect on me though..

still learning:)

I hope this answers your questions:)

***HeadSpace*** · 01-04-2009, 10:27 AM

Theres this high frequency sound, a beeping tone..and some swooshing other times or in addition..does anyone know what that is? and how to stop it? I've had that alot lately..

MC · 01-04-2009, 12:27 PM

You must hold the color violet as long as you can,around your head,including ears,until it stops.It will stop if you hold the color violet.Do it.I know that you can do it.When it happens,close your eyes and think of the color violet and stay in violet until it stops.That's all you have to do and it's simple,but of course annoying if you're getting bombarded constantly,but it will make it go away.

***HeadSpace*** · 01-04-2009, 01:17 PM

Thank you:) I tried, I had some serious trouble but I will pull trough eventually. I think someone might be counteracting. I will shake them off:)

***HeadSpace*** · 01-04-2009, 02:54 PM

Damn, I was having good time right now then someone started messing with me..Can they change mindpatterns too?

MC · 01-04-2009, 04:49 PM

Yes,they can change mind patterns.Try the violet again...

***HeadSpace*** · 01-04-2009, 05:51 PM

Hmm..wonder how to deal with this..
First thing to do would be shake off the astral stuff I guess.
I feel a little strange

Would the personal archetype restore anything?

MC · 01-04-2009, 08:17 PM

No,the personal archetype would not restore anything.You need to start eating properly,because you are emaciated.
You also have to stop taking any of that stuff you used to take.You have to ignore any voices you might hear.You have to learn how to use the Aleph to get rid of any entities.
Btw,you can't eat a big meal in the state you're in.You have to work your way to eating a big meal,because the stomach can't take it after being used to eating so little.
There is no energy in your body.Your chakra system is screwed.You have to eat,and you have to put back the energy in your chakras.Tell me,do you want to live,or do you want to die?Travel,love,harmony and connection make you happy.Is there someone you can share this with,and be happy again?
You were relying on things that were artificial to make you relax and to put you in a happier mood.Ok,there is a deeper aspect as to WHY you started taking this in the first place,but we won't go into that.

***HeadSpace*** · 01-04-2009, 08:43 PM

I started eating better today:) I've had a breakthrough on the physical part and that helped immensely.

I will start eating more, but as you say I need to take it step by step, normally I eat a lot. I usually eat more than double the amount of others..at least in my family..
I like food:) I am considering eating some mayonnaise..I always thought I disliked it but I thougth about the easy calories and it just makes up for the taste:) But I wonder if it's good for the digestion, I need to get that going..Janet mentioned that in a consultation 2 months back..

I have realized that I cant go around listen to those voices anymore..I am working on it.

I have been looking at images of lions for my apartment, I haven't really been living there so I need to shape things up. Not just going for the lion pictures though:P
Will buy some violet paint for my bedroom soon.