HeadSpace..Deprogramming diary

[HeadSpace]

I just searched the net for info on the merger. I tried to find some in expansions q&a  but there's nothing there.

I found some forums though. Bad vibes, a thread filled with brutal remarks and stuff.
I do see stewart might have sides I did not see, I noticed he wasn't as nice as I thought he was. I mean, he is not responding to any mails or questions, not janet either:?

I pissed him off during christmas times, I was in mess and I guess I was psychotic too. So I sent him to many mails. And I tried to call at one point where I forgot the time difference:? But I still thinks he is overreacting. I can see him as a very angry guy.

I noticed while reading the forum that I should not be doing so, programs have been running tonight and while reading all that stuff about him it focused on making me doubt the whole deprogramming process again..

I did end up with some strange vibes surrounding the merger.

I was also meaning to say that the link I saw between you and the other one might have been programming too, probably was. It was just to obvious, and in my face.

I also noticed at one point that I felt Janet was very cold. I wonder if others feel the same?

The tone of this post is probably different, I have had some program messing with me..It all seems to be connected.

The presidential model report gave me a very constructive vision and it gave me a lot.
The merger was sort of essential, integration. But i know it is possible without it as it is just an archetype if stewarts info is real. By that I mean that the intention to merge and integrate and moving in that direction would be the same thing.

I still need more information on this. There might be something to it, since I keep stumbling upon it. I know it is sabotage, but there might be some message in it too.

People on that forum said he was blackmailing people, that sounds unlikely.

Sorry about the vibes, sabotage:)


Edit:

I just found some pictures of the eris sign. One of them looks exactly like my favorite from SilverInfinity. That's weird, it is black though. It could have different uses in different colours. I do not think black is constructive. The other one is gold but is vertical.

I didn't know it was that similar.

[HeadSpace]

I found some archetypes in the healers handbook last night which i think is very useful to me. And I took the archetype for the pineal and made an green N over it. Along with several other archetypes I made cards and put them under my pillow.

And I smoked right before I fell asleep. Inside so the bedroom got a more grounded feeling. I woke up, grounded and clear:)

Also, I actually visualized:D

Edit: I have done it before, but now it was clearer and I was centered, calm and in control. And there was a kind of flow.

[HeadSpace]

I just remembered an evening I had last week. I was talking to someone on the net, I believe he also has an attachment. Then at some point it seemed as if I had a visit from a another astral creature or more. I didn't let that bother me though. I left the house heading for another place. Once outside either the demon or programming implied I had been visited by one of the big ones..My reality sort of crumbled and things became dark, cold and and like my whole material plane got twisted similar to a bridge breaking during an earthquake. Reminded me of mushrooms. Also sensed angry vibes and a threatening presence. My body felt strange, trouble breathing.

Don't know if this is useful info or not, I just remembered it. Good to write it down somewhere anyway.

[HeadSpace]

I was just out in the forest and I remembered stuff from my childhood, when I was young I sort of remembered or had visions of the 50's-60's a sometimes I think. Specific scenes or sceneries.

If I lived then that might explain my obsession with 60's music:)

[Astrojewels]

Headspace,

You can search forever for info on the merger, but at the end of the day you must trust your instinct and own guidance, and simply ask ‘does it help’? Or ‘does it put you into deeper alters’? That is how you will reach the truth!

[HeadSpace]

I noticed you were against that one. While reading this some scary disneylike music was playing in the background. I do not like disney..

I have been a little hazy, there's often some kind of program running which diffuses things and distracts me. Scatters my concentration and focus.

Could I ask what your opinion regarding the rest of the archetypes and symbols are?

[Astrojewels]

I would never tell anyone not to do it! I do like the sacred geometry methods, the octahedron and tetrahedron create a force of energy, and I would like to be much more educated on the subject.  

 

You have to begin with what triggers you, I have said this before, you say that you do not like Disney, ask yourself ‘why’ what did that music do to you? Why did it have such an affect? You can only overcome hurdles by challenging them, not by thinking about a way to do it!

Disney gives many messages, 99.9% of Disney characters have no mother, the child is then abused, and provides a false sense of happy ever after…

[HeadSpace]

Right now, the scenario is that I have no real direction. And Those who I seek for advice is not in accord with me.

Familiar place.

I know I could visualize the cube and merge it without the merger. I did that several times. But something was pushing that one.

You say programming is real.. Done with the archetypes, no?

If it is I suppose it could be reversed. The circle and dot archetype should be familiar to you as the Sun..Wikipedia lists many cultures that have had a relationship with it.

I think I was programmed to find this information by the way. If so that would imply someone knew how I would react.

If you dont use the archetypes or anything. How do you merge? I know it is possible but I'm just asking.


Sorry about the vibes.

I am not going to accept the impossibility of deprogramming.  It is not impossible.

I will make it anyways. I asked Moon Child yesterday about something, trying to get some clues about the merger. When I read his response i got the effect of reaffirming the merger as valid. Along with a surge of energy, joy and optimism. Programs were shut down and i was much more grounded, more integrated. I wondered if that was oversoul or if MC sent something. But I guess it was a bit too dramatic.

I'm having sabotage..

[Astrojewels]

Deprogramming is very real, but the word gives a false impression of the actual meaning. The general thought of such a word implies that doing these techniques will rid you of your programming, and one day you will wake up and be a brand new man! Life will be perfect….what would happen if you deleted all the programs in your computer?

Programming is attached to your mind-pattern personality, and it may have been there for many life streams, and yes I do believe all programmed people are here to seek the truth, and one part of the mind says ‘I don’t want this’ yet the other part can not let go, the pattern of thought has become dependent on the programming, and this is why it holds on so strong.

 

Before I answer your question please answer this, and please answer directly =

 

What do you want to merge? When you are doing this technique what are you merging?

[HeadSpace]

I am sorry about the tone of my previous post.

I want to merge my alters and sub-personalities.

Yesterday I went on a trip to another city, the night before I made a choice. I put down the merger. I removed it from under my pillow. I usually wear about ten-12 of them in my pockets:D

I sort of consciously shut it out.

The next morning, I woke up and things looked different. The world had a slightly depressive tone to it. Foreign. I saw this, changed my attitude towards it and kept going. I noticed as I went along that things were very different.

Things were seemingly normal until I reached the city. I have always reacted extremely strong to travel, it always makes things happen. Mentally. I was with the one I was traveling with in a ikea shop to get some stuff and I noticed I was obsessively looking for females. I was sort of scanning and reacted strongly to them.

I also had this extremely analytical social thing I have had all my life. I tend to overanalize and do everything to see how the others react and what they think. I have developed som antenneas after allt hat stuff:)

But I was very stressed and things pushed on me somehow, something mentally. Things also slided in regards to personality. It slided very much actually.

I went out to the car and had a cigarette and some tea..I thought about stuff. And things flowed naturally as they did before. I found answers, I then afterwards broke free from something. That stuff which was pushing, I no longer loked for females either:P Although they are lovely..

I was more happy, secure and in touch with myself. We then had a meal at a cafe..After this I noticed positive change too.

On the drive homewards I noticed things started sliding..One thing I retrieved once in that ikea is that where I can consciously observe myself and navigate.

On the drive I consciously shifted through several alters and subpersonalities, I think. Or just a lot of sub-personalities. I found parts of myself which seems to have been lost for over a year or more.. I could also navigate inbetween these myself..

I was conscious.

But after we crossed a fjord here and came on the other side which I consider home things happened, I got dizzy, I lost control of my thoughts, my vision got disturbed and my personality sort of vanished and I was left in a very disoriented state. I have experienced this many times. Also pressure on the head and slight pain/uncomfortable feelings. Every kid who lives here in this city says everything works out when they move. My sister had it this way, she was very depressed most of her life and was probrably struggling with things I know of. She found someone and moved out then things worked out..

While unloading stuff from the car I lost sense of self and my memory got weird.
I got home and sat down, I started writing the days events down and that helped very much. I then remembered how I had shifted through different alters and/or sub-personalities earlier and tried to do this again.

I did it:)

I  was grounded and centered..
I then laid in my bed thinking about the merger and how to integrate. I thought about how the times I have had the merger with me and around me I seemed to be locked in a definite position. I thought about some people here and my impression of them. Throughout the day I retrieved something that has been lost for a long time now. Before I knew of programming I also shifted through alters and this stuff, I could consciously observe this and work it out. At least the ones I was/am aware of.

In addition to this they also communicate with me while I get lost:) They did that before I knew of programming, but i think I always knew anyway. Explains a lot for me.

Theres also a thing where I do something physically like reaching out an arm automatically then a cupp will fall down and land there. Same with driving a car:P

So, if this has to do with the merger I am left to myself without it. The matrix seems to be looser. I can control impulses. Things slide more but they always did. I can also navigate this sliding and slide myself. I also retreived a sort of breath, a flow which is within and without. I do not like to be trapped.

Before I knew of programming I could also navigate through seeing myself in my surroundings, I retrieved that one. Or that it was fluid.

At some point in this post I moved into a different part of personality. I am conscious of this and see it and control it..

I haven't actually used the merger as I have been unable to visualize for long while so I guess the ones that trust the merger wont see any relevance in my writings here.

Things are very sensitive right now, I think one single thought and I move into different part of myself..Stewart mentioned in consultation that I like to move. I know I do and I seem to do this every single second. That is what I do not like about the merger. That dynamic aspect gets lost. I tried putting it on my forehead as i have done many times and focus, will it into function. I noticed things slowed down. I saw my alter being made into an island..part from the rest, I could no longer see out through the visual field. That is something I retrieved yesterday, I can see myself there even though it may be fragments and compartmentalized I can see it. After the merger there was a wall. That has been there for a while..For many months.

That is not there now, sort of is right now and I am not quite satisfied with the world as I see it. I mean the tone and lighting I see my surroundings in. I can change that though. I am able to see and correct myself. I am presently in an alter which I was in when the nwr was running I think, last year. My body changed, it felt a bit weaker:? And the chakras feel a bit more out of air..Theres also other things.

I do not know the truth about the merger.
It feels as if it shuts off whatever compartment I am in an and solidifies it. But I do not know if continual use of it will add more to this island.

I noticed I want to move, this hometown of mine just seem very depressive right now. But it has changed since two days ago, I could say it is not the same city..My reflection I know. Theres also this foreign, superficial weird shade upon my surroundings. It may be fake, or a false memory layer or something. Or just something which does not belong in this compartment or this timeperiod.

I should not have eaten those mushroomsicon_afraid

--

When I close my eyes and breath in, I can assimilate and blend different parts of myself:D Thats cool.

Also, last night in bed before I slept I thought of merging and integration as I mentioed and I closed my eyes to do this..I focused on the whole and the fragments/compartments and I got ready to merge..Then something sort of hit me in the face saying "IP" like a warning. The thing that made this move was not nice, it may have been a guardian alter.

Some counteractive changes were set in place and I felt more dense and trapped like I have been feeling for several months. But I broke free from that.


I then made another attempt later on visualizing the cube, yes my pineal has improved greatly since changing into whatever compartment I am in. I saw the cube, I flooded it with violet I think
. Instead of the merger I focused on removing the walls in the cube and merging it that way. The walls then reappeared and they might have looked stronger.

I can control the programs. But I want to merge and integrate the different parts of self.


Sorry to MN, you might have a point:) 

So, I'm not sure I will use the merger until I have found out the truth about it. Moving deeper into alters might be right. I felt as if it was isolating the part I was in.


Edit:

I have also retrieved a lot of memory. I could go through alot. And I could remember things from different parts of myself which have been difficult for some time.

On mushrooms by the way, I mentioned this earlier in the thread I found a piece of my self that perhaps experienced the fragmentation..Or it might have been like a "oh, not again" thing. First like deeper layer of self, beneath/outside my conscious self and then I moved through it. Or something like that.